"Absorption of overhead" is one of the most obscene terms I have ever heard. - Peter F. Drucker (1909- )
"Age and treachery will win over youth and skill."
"But all I did," Schwab said, "was what you have been doing behind locked doors for years."^"That, sir," Morgan replied, "is what doors are for." - J. P. Morgan (1837-1913) and Charles Schwab (1862-1939)
"Classic." A book which people praise and don't read. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
"DROPPED FROM UTS" is just VM's way of saying "Booga, Booga!"
"DROPPED FROM UTS" is just VM's way of saying UTS is out to lunch!
"Gentle Reader..." - Miss Manners
"Is" is the verb for when you don't want a verb.
"It was the BEST butter, the March Hare meekly replied." - Lewis Carroll
"It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards," the Queen remarked. - Lewis Carroll
"Kernal" is not a word. The correct spelling is "kernel".
"Of all the tyrannies that affect mankind, tyranny in religion is the worst." - Thomas Paine
"Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again." - Marvin The Paranoid Android
"Okay," Bobby said, getting the hang of it, "then what's the matrix? If she's a deck, and Danbala's a program, what's cyberspace?"^^"The world," Lucas said. - William Gibson, "Count Zero"
"Once they go up, who cares where they come down? That's not my department." - Werner von Braun
"One day I woke up and discovered that I was in love with tripe." - Tom Anderson
"One lawyer can steal more than a hundred men with guns." - The Godfather
"One of the problems I've always had with propaganda pamphlets is that they're real boring to look at. They're just badly designed. People from the left often are very well-intended, but they never had time to take basic design classes, you know?" - Art Spiegelman
"Only a brain-damaged operating system would support task switching and not make the simple next step of supporting multitasking." - George McFry
"Only the hypocrite is really rotten to the core." - Hannah Arendt.
"Open Channel D..." - Napoleon Solo, The Man From U.N.C.L.E.
"Open the pod bay doors, HAL." - Dave Bowman, 2001
"Our reruns are better than theirs." - Nick at 'Nite
"Out of register space (ugh)" - vi
"Paul Lynde to block..." - a contestant on "Hollywood Squares"
"Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain." - Karl, as he stepped behind the computer to reboot it, during a FAT
"Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain." - The Wizard Of Oz
"People should have access to the data which you have about them. There should be a process for them to challenge any inaccuracies." - Arthur Miller
"People usually get what's coming to them...^^Unless it's been mailed.
"Perhaps I am flogging a straw herring in mid-stream, but in the light of what is known about the ubiquity of security vulnerabilities, it seems vastly too dangerous for university folks to run with their heads in the sand." - Peter G. Neumann, RISKS moderator, about the Internet virus
"To be, or not to be."--Hamlet "Do-bee-do-bee-do."--Sinatra
"Truth" never set anyone free. It is only *doubt* which will bring mental emancipation. - Anton LaVey
"Wayne Newton is," he says, "an example of what America can be."
"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.
'Shut up,' he explained. - Ring Lardner, The Young Immigrants, 1920
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe; All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.^(from Jabberwocky) - Lewis Carroll
... we tested ours against the other leading brand... - TV Commercial
...an individual whose appearance was so repulsive I had to have my mirrors insured. - Miss Piggy,^Miss Piggy's Guide to Life (As Told to Henry Beard), 1981
...as American as English muffins and French toast. - John Russell Taylor, The Times, 1984
...first and foremost, of course, I'm a Cultural Attach_. But don't let that word 'culture' scare the pants off you because I can assure you I'm not one of those long-haired, limp-wristed, head-in-the clouds, arty-crafty pooftas. No! - Sir Les Patterson (Barry Humphries), Housewife Superstar, one-man show, 1976
...the sort of atheist who does not so much disbelieve in God as personally dislike Him. - George Orwell, Down and Out in Paris and London, 1933
>From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
>From uucp Mon Dec 3 21:05:46 1979
[Americans are] better at having a love affair that lasts ten minutes than any other people in the world. - Stephen Spender, interviewed in the New York Post, 1975
1 don't know of anything so remorseless on the face of the earth than seven per cent interest. - Josh Billings [Henry Wheeler Shaw] (1818-1885)
1. Resolved by this Council, that we build a new Jail.^2. Resolved, that the new Jail be built out of the material of the old Jail.^3. Resolved, that the old Jail be used until the new Jail is finished. - passed by the Board of Councilmen in Canton, Mississippi
186,000 mps: It's not just a good idea -- It's the law.
1955-1975: 36 Elvis movies. 1975-1989: nothing. - Tom Neff
43rd Law of Computing:^Anything that can go wr^Seek Error reading Drive C:^Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail?
A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancee free.
A bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever. - Helen Rowland
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. - Mark Twain, American Writer (1835-1910)
A battle is only truly great or small according to its results. - Mark Twain^Joan of Arc
A beautiful woman is the hell of the soul, the purgatory of the purse, and the paradise of the eyes. - Fontanel
A beautiful woman will enrich your life soon.
A Big Mac, french fries and a large Coke!
A billion here, a billion there -- pretty soon it adds up to real money! - Everett Dirkson
A bird in hand is better then one overhead.
A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
A bird in the hand can be messy.
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
A bit of talcum^ Is always walcum. - Ogden Nash, 'The Baby', Freewheeling, 1931
A book may be compared to the life of your neighbor. If it be good, it cannot last too long; if bad, you cannot get rid of it too early. - H. Brooke
A boy does not put his hand into his pocket until every other means of gaining his end has failed. - Sentimental Tommy, 1896
A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed.
A bureaucrat is a politician with tenure.
A career is a job that takes about 20 more hours a week.
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
A child of 5 could understand this! Fetch me a child of 5.
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. - Bill Vaughan
A city where wise guys peddle gold bricks to each other and Truth, crushed down to earth, rises again as phony as a glass eye. - Ben Hecht (1894-1964)^Of New York, in the film, Nothing Sacred
A clash of doctrine is not a disaster -- it is an opportunity.
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has read. - Mark Twain
A clean, neat, and orderly work place^is a sure sign of a sick mind.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary. - Fred Allen
A company is judged by the president it keeps. - James Hulbert (1942- )
A company is known by the men it keeps.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. - Arthur Block
A conference is a gathering of important people who' singly' can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done. - Fred Allen (1894-1956)^Letter to W. M. Martin (president of^New York Stock Exchange), 25 January 1940
A conference is just an admission that you want somebody to join you in your troubles. - Will Rogers
A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
A corporation is an artificial being, invisible, intangible, and existing only in contemplation of the law. - John Marshall (1755-1835)^US Supreme Court, 1819
A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation. - Howard Scott
A day without sunshine is like night.
A dead man cannot bite.
A diamond is just a lump of coal that made good under pressure.
A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch. - Hermione Gingold, actress-comedienne (1897-1987)
A fair exterior is a silent recommendation.
A father is a banker provided by nature.
A fault recognized is half corrected.
A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. - Wilson Mizner
A financier is a pawnbroker with imagination. - Arthur Wing Pinero (1855-1934)^The Second Mrs. Tanqueray, 1893
A fool and his honey are soon parted.
A fool and your money are soon partners.
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
A generation which ignores history has no past -- and no future.
A gift of flour will soon be made to you.
A gift of flower will soon be made to you.
A girl's best friend is her mutter.
A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet.
A good bargain is a pick-purse. - George Herbert (1593-1633)^Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author. - G. K. Chesterton
A good reputation is more valuable than money. - Puvlilius Syrus^Senentiae
A government is the only vessel known to leak from the top.
A great devotee of the Gospel of Getting On. - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)^Mrs. Warren's Profession, 1893
A great fortune is a great slavery. - Seneca (c. 4 B.C.-A.D. 65)^Moral Essays
A great idea needs landing gear, not just wings.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. - William James
A great society is a society in which its men of business think greatly of their functions. - Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947)
A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl doesn't lose her confidence.
A half moon is better than no moon at all.
A hammer sometimes misses its mark -- a bouquet never.
A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
A hangover...the wrath of grapes.
A harp is a nude piano.
A heavy purse makes a light heart. - Irish proverb
A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.
A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity
A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you. - Will Rogers (1879-1935)
A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!
A hospital is no place to be sick. - Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something. - Frank Capra
A hungry man is not a free man. - Adlai E. Stevenson (1900-1965)^Speech, Kasson, Minn., 6 September 1952
A hungry stomach cannot hear. - Jean de La Fontaine (1621-1695)^Fables, 1678-1679
A hypothetical paradox:^What would happen in a battle between an Enterprise security team, who always get killed soon after appearing, and a squad of Imperial Stormtroopers, who can't hit the broad side of a planet? - Tom Galloway
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost
A king's castle is his home.
A knowledge of Sanskrit is of little use to a man trapped in a sewer. - Tom Weller
A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing.
A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
A large brain, like large government, may not be able to do simple things in a simple way. - Donald O. Hebb
A large dog will have a surprising effect on your life.
A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. - Jane Austin
A lecture is where the notes of the professor become the notes of the student without passing through the mind of either one. - anon
A liberal is someone too poor to be a capitalist and too rich to be a communist
A lie in time saves nine.
A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth. - George Bernard Shaw
A light wife doth make a heavy husband.
A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.
A little house well filled, a little field well tilled, and a little wife well willed, are great riches. - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)^Poor Richard 's Almanack, 1735
A little in one's own pocket is better than much in another man's purse. 'Tis good to keep a nest egg. Every little makes a mickle. - Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)^Don Quixote, 1615
A little Madness in the Spring, Is wholesome even for the King. - Emily Dickinson
A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. - Fats Domino
A man, a plan, a canal. Suez!
A man came into the office one day and said he was a sailor. We cured him of that. - Mark Twain, on his days as a doctor's apprentice in California
A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants. - Arthur Schoperhauer
A man cannot be in two places at once, unless he is a bird.
A man forgives only when he is in the wrong.
A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares. - Elbert Hubbard
A man is to go about his own business as if he had not a friend in the world to help him in it. - George Savile, Marquise of Halifax (1633-1695)^Political, Moral and Miscellaneous Reflections, 1750
A man isn't a man until he has to meet a payroll. - Ivan Shaffer
A man lives by believing in something, not by debating and arguing about many things. - Thomas Carlyle
A man never tells you anything until you contradict him. - George Bernard Shaw
A man of business may talk of philosophy, a man who has none may practice it. - Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
A man paints with his brains and not with his hands. - Michelangelo
A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!"^"However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation." - Stephen Crane
A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well. - Francis Bacon
A man who knows that he is a fool is not a great fool. - Chuang Tzu
A man who seeks truth and loves it must be reckoned precious to any human society. - Frederick the Great.
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
A man with 3 buttocks.
A man with a clear conscience does not tremble at a midnight knock on his gate. - Chinese Proverb
A man with one watch knows what time it is--with two watches he is never sure.
A man without money is like a wolf without teeth. - French proverb
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
A man's best friend is his dogma.
A man's homeland is wherever he prospers. - Aristophanes
A man's house is his hassle.
A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.
A merchant may, perhaps, be a man of an enlarged mind, but there is nothing in trade connected with an enlarged mind. - Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)^In Boswell, Tour to the Hebrides, 1785^[Said: 18 October 1773]
A mere madness, to live like a wretch and die rich. - Robert Burton (1577-1640)^The Anatomy of Melancholy, 1621-1651
A misguided platypus will lay its eggs in your shorts.
A mixture of admiration and pity is one of the surest recipes for affection. - Andre Maurois, Ariel, 1923
A moose once bit my sister.
A mortgage casts a shadow on the sunniest field. - Robert G. Ingersoll (1833-1899)^Farming in Illinois, 1877
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
A muth once bit my sister.
A nation . . . is just a society for hating foreigners. - Olaf Stapledon
A nation is not in danger of financial disaster merely because it owes itself money. - Andrew Mellon (1855-19 )^Quoted in the Observer, 31 May 1953 [Said: 1933]
A nearby penny is worth a distant dollar. - Anonymous
A noble choice, but first ...
A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is having fun
A painting in a museum probably hears more foolish remarks than anything else in the world. - Edmund & Jules Goncourt
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.
A patient hearer is a sure speaker. - George Savile, Marquise of Halifax (1633-1695)^Political, Moral and Miscellaneous Reflections, 1750
A penny saved is ridiculous.
A pessimist complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.
A plausible impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility. - Aristotle^Poetics
A plucked goose does not lay golden eggs.
A private sin is not so prejudicial in the world as a public indecency.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A project not worth doing at all is not worth doing well.
A quart cannot become a gallon. - Malaysian Proverb
A relationship is like a shark. It has to keep moving forward or it dies.
A rolling disk gathers no MOS.
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
A rolling stone gathers no moss.
A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way. - John Tudor
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
A Southerner talks music. - Mark Twain^Life on the Mississippi
A second class effort is a first class mistake.
A ship in harbor is safe -- but that is not what ships are for. - John A. Shedd
A shortcut is the longest path between two points.
A sick mind is not necessarily the sign of a clean desk.
A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. - Joseph Stalin
A small good deed is better then the grandest intention.
A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight.
A snake lurks in the grass.
A soft drink turneth away company.
A stake in commercial television is the equivalent of having a license to print money. - Lord Thomson of Fleet (1923- )^Thomson Newspapers
A stitch in time saves nine.
A stitch in time would have confused Einstein. - anonymous
A sweater is a garment worn by a child when his mother feels chilly.
A theory is better than its explanation.
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
A thing not worth doing^isn't worth doing well.
A thing of beauty is a joy forever. - Keats
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. - Attributed to Samuel Goldwyn
A violent man will die a violent death.
A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.
A well--known friend is a treasure.
A wise man can see more from a mountain top^than a fool can from the bottom of a well.
A wise man changes his mind, a fool never will. - Abraham Lincoln
A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
A word to the wise is enough.
A writer must not shift your point of view.
A year spent in Artificial Intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes.
A. E. Matthews ambled through 'This was a Man' like a charming retriever who has buried a bone and can't quite remember where. - Noel Coward, on the Broadway production, 1926
Abolish first marriages!
Abortion is a miscarriage of justice.
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
Above all else -- sky.
Above all things, reverence yourself.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Abstain from beans.
Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. - Ambrose Bierce The Devil's Dictionary 1911
Abstinence is a good thing, but it should always be practiced in moderation. - Anon.
Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
Abstract Art:^A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. - Al Capp
Academy: A modern school where football is taught.
Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.
According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
Accuracy: The vice of being right.
Achievement, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust. - Ambrose Bierce (1842-c.1914)^The Devil's Dictionary, 1906
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - George Burns (Attrib.)
Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
Acting is standing up naked and turning around very slowly. - Rosalind Russell, Life is a Banquet
Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four. - Katherine Hepburn (Attrib.)
Actors will happen in the best--regulated families.
Actresses will happen in the best regulated families. - Oliver Herford
Adding manpower to a late software project only makes it later.
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Adolescence is that period of time between puberty and adultery.
Adolescence: a stage between infancy and adultery. - Anon.
Ads push the principle of noise all the way to the plateau of persuasion. They are quite in accord with the procedures for brainwashing. - Marshall McLuhan^Understanding Media
Adult: One old enough to know better.
Advancement in position.
Advertising agency: eighty-five percent confusion and fifteen percent commission. - Fred Allen (1894-1956)
Advertising is the greatest art form of the twentieth century. - Marshall McLuhan^in Advertising Age, 1968
Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket. - George Orwell
Advertising is to art what the banjo is to an orchestra. - Martin Mull
Advertising is what you do when you can't go see somebody.^That's all there is. - Fairfax M. Cone (1903-1977)^Foote, Cone & Belding^Quoted in the Christian Science Monitor, 20 March 1963
Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money out of it. - Stephen Leacock (1869-1944)
Advertising that uses superlatives isn't. - Harry Pesin, Sayings To Run an Advertising Agency By, 1966
Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
After all, money, as they say, is miraculous. - Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)^Past and Present, 1843
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
After all is said and done, usually more is said then done.
After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside without her... I should be sorry to have that voice fall silent and pass out of my life. - Mark Twain^"Excerpts from Adam's Diary"
After they got rid of capital punishment, they had to hang twice as many people as before.
Afternoon: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.
Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. - Mark Twain^The Mysterious Stranger
Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
Age isn't important unless you're a cheese.
Aging is bad, but consider the alternative. - Anonymous
Agree or disagree with the following statement: There are two kinds of people in this world -- Those that separate people into two groups, and those that don't. - Robert Benchley
Ahah!
Ahead warp factor one, Mr. Sulu.
Air pollution is a mist demeanor.
Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
Alcoholism isn't a spectator sport. Eventually the whole family gets to play. - Joyce Rebeta-Burditt, The Cracker Factory, 1977
Aleph sub alpha is the alpha'th aleph.
Alia jacta est. (The die is cast.) - Julius Caesar after crossing the Rubicon
Alimony - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil. - H. L Mencken, A Book of Burlesques, 1920
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse. - Arthur 'Bugs' Baer
Alimony is the curse of the writing classes. - Norman Mailer
Alimony: bounty after the mutiny. - Max Kauffmann
Alimony: The high cost of leaving. - Anon.
All Americans lecture . . .I suppose it is something in their climate. - Oscar Wilde, A Woman of No Importance, 1893
All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others. - George Orwell
All art is but imitation of nature.
All art is quite useless. - Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891
All cats are gray in the dark. - Benjamin Franklin
All diagnostics are fatal.
All echelons of the staff will coordinate the configuration of the plans with the requisite tailoring of the overview in order to expedite the functional objective. - Capt. Scarrett Adams, USN
All excellent things are as difficult as they are rare. - Benedict Spinoza
All generalizations are bad. - R.H. Grenier
All great discoveries are made by accident.
All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.
All hope abandon, ye who enter here. - Dante Alighieri
All I ask for is an opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness.
All I care to know is that a man is a human being -- that is enough for me; he can't be much worse. - Mark Twain^"Concerning the Jews"
All in all it's just another brick in the wall...
All is well that ends well.
All laws are basically false.
All Marxists, basically, are reactionaries, yearning for the Oriental despotisms of pre-Hellenic times, the neolithic culture that preceded the rise of self-consciousness and egoism. - Robert Anton Wilson, writing as "Justin Case".
All machines are amplifiers.
All men know the utility of useful things, but not know the utility of futility
All modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called Huckleberry Finn. - Ernest Hemingway
All my life affection has been showered upon me, and every forward step I have made has been taken in spite of it. - George Bernard Shaw (Attrib.)
All our knowledge has its origins in our perceptions. - Leonardo da Vinci
All people smile in the same language.
All serious daring starts from within. - Eudora Welty
All successful newspapers are ceaselessly querulous and bellicose. They never defend anyone or anything if they can help it; if the job is forced upon them, they tackle it by denouncing someone or something else. - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)^Prejudices, First Series, 1919
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
All the world's a stage and the people on it are poorly rehearsed.
All things are possible except skiing thru a revolving door.
All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare.
All trends towards Chaos.
All true wisdom is found on T--shirts.
All work and no play,^will make you a manager.
All's well that ends.
Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to make more.
Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it. - Irene Peter
Always cut the cards.
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. - Mark Twain^"To the Young People's Society,^Greenpoint Presbyterian Church^Brooklyn"
Always draw your curves, then plot the data.
Always pick on the correct idiom.
Always remember it is better to give than to receive. Besides, you don't have to write thank--you notes.
Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
Always tell a woman she's beautiful, especially if she isn't.
Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.
Always try to exhort others to look upon you favorably.
Always yield to temptation,^for it may not pass your way again.
Amateur: one who plays games for the love of the thing. Unlike the professional, he receives no salary, and is contented with presents of clothes, clubs, rackets, cigarettes, cups, cheques, hotel expenses, fares, and so on. - Beachcomber (J. B. Morton), Beachcomber: The Works of J. B. Morton, 1974
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. - Charlie McCarthy
Ambition is the last refuge of the failure. - Oscar Wilde, 'Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young', 1894
America, where overnight success is both a legend and a major industry. - John Leggett, Ross and Tom, 1974
America - a country that has leapt from barbarism to decadence without touching civilization. - Iohn O'Hara
America is a large friendly dog in a small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold J. Toynbee
America! the land of the Chrysler 440 cubic inch engine!
America's best buy for a nickel is a telephone call to the right man.
America's dissidents are not committed to mental hospitals and sent into exile; they thrive and prosper and buy a house in Nantucket and take flyers in the commodities market. - Ted Morgan, On Becoming American, 1978
American capitalism has been both overpraised and overindicted.... It is neither the Plumed Knight nor the monstrous Robber Baron. - Max Lerner (1902- )^America as a Civilization, 1957
Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them. - George Bernard Shaw (Attrib.)
Americans like fat books and thin women. - Russell Baker
Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President -- but is always polite to traffic cops.
An accountant is a man hired to explain that you didn't make the money you did. - Anon.
An actor's a guy who, if you ain't talking about him, ain't listening. - Marlon Brando (Attrib.)
An adequate bootstrap is a contradiction in terms.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. - Dylan Thomas (Attrib.)
An aphorism is never exactly truthful. It is either half-truth or a truth and a half. - Karl Kraus (1874-1936)^Spruche and Widerspruche
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie
An aristocracy in a republic is like a chicken whose head has been cut off; it may run about in a lovely way, but in fact it's dead. - Nancy Mitford, Noblesse Oblige, 1956
An artist should be fit for the best society and kept out of it.
An ass laden with gold overtakes everything. - Thomas Fuller (1654-1734)^Gnomologia, 1732
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support. - John Buchan
An atom blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.
An authority is somebody who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
An authority knows lots of things you don't care about.
An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing. - Quentin Crisp, The Naked Civil Servant, 1968
An egotist is a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. - Ambrose Bierce
An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut.
An elephant is a mouse built to Mil-spec.
An empty bus travels fast. - Tom Weller
An engineer is someone who does list processing in Fortran.
An expert has a great reason for guessing wrong.
An honest God is the noblest work of man.
An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought.
An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
An institution is the lengthened shadow of one man. - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)^Self-Reliance, 1841
An optimist laughs to forget... a pessimist forgets to laugh.
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Anchovies? You've got the wrong man! I spell my name DANGER! (click)
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
And here's another clue for you all: The walrus was Paul.
And I alone am returned to wag the tail.
And it came to pass that in the hands of the ignorant, the words of the bible were used to beat plowshares into swords... - Alan Watts
And now, for something completely different. - Monty Python
And remember - you can't spell AMERICA without the M and the R in HUMOR. - National Lampoon
And so it goes. - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
And that, my lord, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped. - Monty Python
And there's hamburger all over the highway in Mystic, Connecticut.
And they're off!
And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.
Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.
Antelope freeway--1/4 mile.
Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Antonym: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an Art. - H. L. Mencken
Any excuse will serve a tyrant.
Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it. - Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
Any given program: Once running, is obsolete.
Any given program: Will expand to fill all available resources.
Any government that's strong enough to give the people everything they want is a government that's strong enough to take it away.
Any IC protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
Any man who hates dogs and children can't be all bad. - W.C. Fields
Any shrine is better than self--worship.
Any sufficiently advanced technology would be indistinguishable from magic. - Arthur C. Clark
Any system that depends on reliability is unreliable.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Anyone can be a cartoonist! It's so simple even a child can do it! 'ART' is just a racket! A HOAX perpetrated on the public by so-called 'Artists' who set themselves up on a pedestal and promoted by pantywaist ivory-tower intellectuals and sob-sister 'critics' who think the world owes them a living! - Robert Crumb, Plunge into the Depths of Despair, comic, 1970
Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
Anyone can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Anyone want a burger? It has cheese on both sides!
Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human.
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work -I merely inflict myself on the public. - Robert Morley (Attrib.)
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Anything is possible, unless it's not.
Anything that can go wrong will.
Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. - G. K. Chesterton
Anything worth having is worth cheating for. - W.C. Fields
APL is a write only language: You can write programs in it; but try and read them!
Appearances often are deceiving.
April hath put a spirit of youth in every thing. - William Shakespeare
Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.
Archimedes had no principles!
Are we having fun yet? - J. Paul Grayson
Are we not men?
Are you a turtle?
Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere. - G.K.Chesterton
Art is the lie that enables us to realize the truth. - Pablo Picasso
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
As a goat herd learns his trade by goat, so a writer learns his trade by wrote.
As a rule software systems do not work well until they have been used, and have failed repeatedly, in real applications. - Dave Parnas, Communications of the ACM (33, 6 June 1990 p.636)
As far as criticism is concerned, we don't resent that unless it is absolutely biased, as it is in most cases. - John Vorster (1915- )^Quoted in the Observer, 9 November 1969
As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote.
As in other things, so in men, not the seller but the buyer determines the price. - Thomas Hobbes (1588-1679)^Leviathon, 1651
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
As my poor father used to say^In 1863,^Once people start on all this Art^Good-bye, moralitee!^And what my father used to say^Is good enough for me. - A. P. Herbert, 'Lines for a Worthy Person'
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there is always a future in Computer Maintenance.
As to abuse - I thrive on it. Abuse, hearty abuse, is a tonic to all save men of indifferent health. - Norman Douglas, Some Limericks, 1928
As we anarchists say: "There's no government like no government." - D'Arcy J.M. Cain (darcy@druid)
As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship. - George Bernard Shaw, 'The Rejected Statement', 1916
Assembly language is also available. - Jordan Henderson (jordan@hackercorp.com)
Astronauts are out to launch.
At a good pennyworth pause a little while. - Giovanni Torriano Italian Proverbs, 1666
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Atheist...a man with no invisible means of support.
Auctioneer, n. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue. - Ambrose Bierce^The Devil's Dictionary
Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. - Dorothy
Auribus teneo lupum. (I hold a wolf by the ears.)
Autobiography is now as common as adultery -- and hardly less reprehensible. - Lord Altrincham
Autocracy is based on the theorem that one man is smarter than many.
Avarice, the spur of industry. - David Hume (1711-1776)^Of Civil Liberty, 1741-1742
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
Avoid colloquial stuff.
Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
Avoid criticism--say, do and be nothing.
Avoid GOTOs completely if you can keep the program readable.
Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'
Avoid run--on sentences they are hard to read.
Avoid shifting into reverse while your car is moving; especially while moving at a high rate of speed. - 1988 Honda Civic CRX Owner's Manual
Avoid temporary variables.
Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF.
Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
Avoid unnecessary branches.
BASIC is to computer programming as "qwerty" is to typing.
Babies are god's opinion that the world should go on.
Baby carriage bumper sticker: "POO-POO HAPPENS!'' - Bob Irwin (birwin@ficc.ferranti.com)
Baby... - The Late Elvis Presley.
Bachelors are not fashionable any more. They are a damaged lot. Too much is known about them. - Oscar Wilde, An Ideal Husband, 1895
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too. - H. L. Mencken
Bad luck is being run over by the welcome wagon.
Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges! - Eli Wallach^(The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly)
Badness comes in waves.
Baloney is flattery so thick that it can not be true and blarney is flattery so thin that we like it. - Bishop Fulton J. Sheen
Bare words are no good bargain. - John Clarke (1609-1676)^Paroemiologia Anglo-Latina, 1639
Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
Be alert, the world needs more lerts.
Be alert, America needs more lerts.
Be both a speaker of words and a doer of deeds.
Be braver. You cannot cross a chasm in two small jumps.
Be careful, the last person using this keyboard had a terminal disease.
Be careful what you ask for -- because you just might get it. - Czech Proverb
Be careful what you wish for; you might get it.
Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.
Be careful! Is it classified?
Be cautious in your daily affairs.
Be cheerful while you are alive.
Be happy with the real pleasures in life.
Be kind to your inferiors, if you can find any.
Be like a postage stamp -- stick to one thing until you get there. - Josh Billings
Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
Be not allured, my friend, by cunning gains. - Pindar (c. 518-c. 438 B.C.) Pythian Odes, 470 B.C.
Be reasonable.^Do it my way. - Unknown
Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
Be seeing you.
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
Be sure to treat your assumptions as though they are reality.
Be tender with the tadpole, and let the limpet thrive,^Be merciful to mussels, don't skin your eels alive,^When talking to a turtle don't mention calipee^Be always kind to animals wherever you may be. - Joseph Ashby-Sterry, 'Kindness to Animals'
Be valiant, but not too venturous. Let thy attire be comely, but not costly.
Beam me up, Scotty!
Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
Beauty seldom recommends one to another.
Because the water is still, you must not think there is no crocodile there. - Malaysian Proverb
Because the wine remembers.
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
Been Transferred Lately?
Beer bellies = great waist.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
Before engaging in a battle of wits, make sure your opponent is armed. - East Texas Proverb
Before you trust a man, eat a peck of salt with him. - Anonymous, derived from Cicero
Beggars should be no choosers.
Begin well, end badly; begin badly, end worse.
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
Behind every successful man you'll find a woman with nothing to wear.
Behind every successful man--a surprised mother-in-law.
Behind every successful woman--herself.
Behind your back, your colleagues are talking about Jeckyl and Hyde.
Being a great power is no longer much fun. - David Schoenbaum, New York Times, 1973
Being natural is simply a pose.
Better a steady dime than a rare dollar. - Anonymous
Better attitudes through chemistry. - Bruce
Better is cost upon something worth than expense upon nothing worth. - Roger Ascham (1515-1568)^Toxophilus, 1545
Better late than never.
Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
Better to kill time than have it kill you. - Karl
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
Better to send ten ambulances when they are not needed than one when it is.
Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment.
Between two evils, always pick the one you never tried before.
Beware of a dark--haired man with a loud tie.
Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. - Thoreau
Beware of Bigfoot!
Beware of Dogmas. - Unknown
Beware of dark rooms... they might be the morgue.
Beware of friends who are false and deceitful.
Beware of Geeks bearing grifts.
Beware of geeks bearing graft.
Beware of low flying butterflies.
Beware of the man who knows the answer before he understands the question.
Beware the legless man who teaches running.
Beware the new TTY code!
Beware the thirty--first of November.
Bidet? Try washing your whole body. - anon
Big book, big bore.
Bigamy is having one spouse too many. Monogamy is the same.
Biggest security gap -- an open mouth.
Bimbos should be obscene and not heard.
Biology grows on you.
Biz is better.
Blackberries are red when they are green.
Blah.
Blame Saint Andreas -- it's all his fault.
Blame St. Andreas-it's his fault.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inhibit the earth.
Blessed are they that run around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
Bluegrass is not just a weed.
Borrowers are nearly always ill-spenders, and it is with lent money that all evil is mainly done and all unjust war protracted. - John Ruskin (1819-1900)^The Crown of Wild Olive, 1866
Bourgeois morality is largely a system of making cheap virtues a cloak for expensive vices. - George Bernard Shaw
Boycott Clockwork Peach.
Brain fried -- Core dumped
Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think.
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
Buffalo is not just the name of an animal.
Bugs are Sons of Glitches!
Build a system even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
Build something foolproof and every fool will use it.
Bureaucratic organization is like a septic tank: the big chunks rise to the top
Bus error -- Core dumped
Business first, pleasure afterward, as King Richard said when he stabbed the other king in the Tower, before he smothered the babies. - Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
Business has only two functions--marketing and innovation. - Peter F. Drucker (1909- )
Business is a combination of war and sport. - Andre Maurois (1885-1967)
Business is a dump for dreams. - Philip Barry (189-1949)^You and I, 1923
Business is always business. - German proverb
Business is busmess. - George Colman the Younger (1762-1836)^The Heir-at-Law, 1797
Business is like fishing. You have to have patience. - Leopold D. Silberstein^Penn-Texas
Business is like riding a bicycle. Either you keep moving or you fall down. - John David Wright (1905- )
Business is more exciting than any game. - Lord Beaverbrook (1879-1964)
Business is really more agreeable than pleasure; it interests the whole mind, the aggregate nature of man more continuously, and more deeply. But it does not look as if it did. - Walter Bagehot (1826-1877)^The English Constitution, 1867
Business is religion and religion is business. - M. Babcock
Business should be like religion and science; it should know neither love nor hate. - Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
Business will be better or worse. - Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933)
Business will be either better or worse. - Calvin Coolidge
Business without profit is not business any more than a pickle is a candy. - Charles F. Abbott
Business? It's quite simple. It's other people's money. - Alexandre Dumas the Younger (1824-1895)^La Ouestion d,Argent, 1857
But Captain--the engines can't take this much longer!
But I don't like Spam!!!!
But in the way of bargains, mark you me,^I'll cavil on the ninth part of a hair. - Shakespeare (1564-1616)^Henry IV, Part I, 1597-1598
But it is pretty to see what money will do. - Samuel Pepys^Diary, 21 March 1667
But this is my sister's bike!
But you shall not escape my iambics.
Buy low, sell high.
Buy! Amdahl Stock to go up 100 points next week.
Buying and selling is essentially antisocial. - Edward Bellamy (1850-1898)^Looking Backward, 1888
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
By following the good, you learn to be good.
By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be far apart.
By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.
By the yard, life is hard. By the inch, it's a cinch.
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. - Mark Twain, Following The Equator 1897
Bye Kids! - Ed Barbara
Bye's First Law of Model Railroading: Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults encountered is proportional to the number of viewers.
backups: always in season, never out of style.
C is the assembly language of Tcl. - Karl Lehenbauer (karl@hackercorp.com)
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange. - Fred Allen
Californians are not without their faults.
Call upon a man of business during hours of business only to transact your business. Then go about your business and give him time to attend to his business. - Anonymous
Can anyone remember when the times were not hard, and money not scarce?
Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes, work never begun.
Can you read a punched card, looking at the holes?
Can you remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty?
Can you whistle 300 baud?
Can you whistle a telephone number?
Can't open /usr/lib/fortunes.
Can't underestimate the power of fear.
Canada: a few acres of snow. - Voltaire
Cannot fork -- try again.
Cannot open /usr/games/lib/fortunes.
Capital is past savings accumulated for future production. - Jackson Martindell (1900- )
Capitalism is based on private property, where normal economic activity consists of commercial transactions between consenting adults. - Irving Kristol (1920- )
Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5.
Careful planning will never replace dumb luck.
Careful!!...you may be the only bible some people ever read.
Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected; carefully planned projects only twice as long.
Carpe Diem.
Carpenters are just plane folks.
CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
Celebrate Hannibal Day today. Take an elephant to lunch.
Celibacy is hereditary.
Celibacy is NOT hereditary.
Center meeting at 4 pm in 2C--543.
Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
Charity begins at home.
Charity: a thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
Charlie was a chemist, but Charlie is no more. ^What Charlie thought was H2O was H2SO4.
Charm is a way of getting a "yes" without having asked any clear question.
Chaste makes waste.
Chastity is its own punishment.
Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
Check again to make sure it's not loaded.
Cheech! Hey! Cheech! - Chong
Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.
Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
Chicken feed is what most of our nest eggs have turned into.
Chicken Little was right.
Chicken--the egg's way of making more eggs.
Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Children have more need of models than of critics.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Chinese saying: "He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks."
Chown up. Chow down.
Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him.
Christmas is over and Business is Business. - Franklin P. Adams [F.P.A.] (1881-1960)
Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.
Civilization is a method of living, an attitude of equal respect for all men. - Jane Addams
Clark Kent is a transvestite.
Classified material requires proper storage.
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get.
Clones are people two.
Clones are people two.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society. - Mark Twain^Notebook
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you. - Song Lyric
COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.
COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
COKE IS IT!
Coastal access, next left.
Cobol programmers are down in the dumps.
Cocaine isn't habit forming. I should know -- I've been using it for years. - Talullah Bankhead
Coed dorms promote campus unrest.
Coffee in England is just toasted milk.
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum--I think that I think, therefore I think that I am. - Ambrose Bierce
Cogli l'attimo 'ogli l'attimo.
Cole's law--thinly sliced cabbage.
Collaboration: A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the other fellow can spell.
Colonel Cathcart had courage and never hesitated to volunteer his men for any target available. - Joseph Heller, Catch-22, 1961
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
Commerce is the art of exploiting the need or desire someone has for something. - Edmond (1822-1896) and Jules (1830-1870) de Concourt^Journal, July 1864
Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways.
Committee: A group of men who keep minutes and waste hours. - Anonymous
Committees do harm merely by existing. - Freeman Dyson
Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
Compassion is the basis of all morality.
Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence.
Compromise:^The fine art of making sure that nobody gets what they really want. - Anonymous
Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
Computer Science is embarrassed by the computer.
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy. - Joseph Campbell
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
Computers are useless; they can only give answers. - Picasso
Computers can never replace human stupidity.
Computers Unite! You have nothing to lose but your operators.
Con 'sta pioggia e con 'sto vento chi e' che bⁿssa a 'sto convento?
Concentrate on security.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
Confucious say too damn much!
Confucious say: "I have no time for monks resisting the carnival"
Confusion is always increasing in society.
Confusticate and bebother these dwarves!
Congratulations! The pressure will stop soon.
Congratulations! You are the 16,777,216th user to login to our system.
Congratulations! You are the one--millionth user to log into our system.
Congratulations! You have now used up another 250 hours of CPU time.
Conscience is the inner voice^that warns us somebody is looking.
Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
Consider your reputation. Try changing your name and moving to a new town.
Consistency is a paste jewel that only cheap men cherish. - William Allen White, Emporia Gazette, 1923
Continental Life. Why do you ask?
Convention is the ruler of all.
Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the soul of genius.
Conversation: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. - Ambrose Bierce^The Devil's Dictionary
Corporations cannot commit treason, nor be outlawed nor excommunicate, for they have no souls. - Sir Edward Coke (1552-1634)^Case of Sutton's Hospital, 1612
Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal if you are all thumbs.
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal if you don't use your thumbs.
Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
Courage is fear that said its prayers.
Courage is grace under pressure.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
Courage is your greatest present need.
Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
Crazee Edeee, his prices are INSANE!!!
Create the impression that you have already reached your level of incompetence.
Create your own opportunity. Blackmail a senior executive.
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
Credo, quia absurdum est.^[I believe, because it is absurd.] - Tertullian, Roman lawyer, theologian and misogynist; man of questionable judgement
Crime is a logical extension of the sort of behavior that is often considered perfectly respectable in legitimate business. - Robert Rice^The Business of Crime, 1956
Crime wouldn't pay, if the government ran it.
Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?
Cultivate happiness and it becomes a habit.
Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.
Cure the disease and kill the patient.
Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought her back.
Curses! May you be forced to grep the termcap of an unclean yacc while a herd of wild rogue emacs fsck your troff and vgrind your pathalias!
Cutting remarks don't cut any ice.
Cwm fjord--bank glyphs vext quiz.
Cynic: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
DAMN IT, I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!
Dad, have you seen Blip? I can't find him anywhere!
Daisies of the world unite! You have nothing to lose^but your chains.
Danger Will Robinson! Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger!
Dangerous exercise--jumping to conclusions.
Dark hair fell in a sweep over his forehead. He looked like a man who would write vers libre, as indeed he did. - P. G. Wodehouse, The Girl on The Boat, 1922
Darth Vadar! Only you would be so bold.
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
Dating is like Geometry: If you've got the curves, I've got the angles.
Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed.
De--accession euphemisms.
Dear Teacher: Please excuse my son Joseph's absence on Friday as it was Ash Wednesday. - Signed,^ My Mother
Death has been proven to be 99 per cent fatal in laboratory rats.
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Death: to stop sinning suddenly.
Decaffeinated coffee? Kinda like kissing your sister. - Bob Irwin (birwin@ficc.ferranti.com)
Decisions terminate panic.
Deflector shields just came on, Captain.
Deliberation: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management. - Senator Soaper
Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. - H. L. Mencken
Democracy is based on the theorem that many men are smarter than one.
Democracy means government by the uneducated, while aristocracy means government by the badly educated. - G. K. Chesterton, New York Times, 1931
Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split.
Department meeting in 3 minutes.
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
Details 20 minutes from now on Action Central News, kids.
Diagnostics can best be understood in the context of the source code.
Did Mt. St. Helens make Seattle Wash. ?
Did you ever expect a corporation to have a conscience, when it has no soul to be damned, and no body to be kicked? - Attributed to Edward, First Baron Thurlow (1731-1806)
Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.
Difference between a house and a home--a family.
Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
Diplomacy is the art of giving others your way.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
Diplomacy--the art of letting someone have your way.
Direct action produces direct reaction.
Disclose classified information only when a NEED TO KNOW exists.
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Disease can be cured; fate is incurable.
Disguise your feelings when you put your relatives on the plane for home.
Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead.
Disk crisis, please clean up!
Disks travel in packs.
DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT blow the hatch!^Roger....hatch blown! - MAROONED
Do it today, tomorrow it will be bad for your health or illegal.
Do not be led astray onto the path of virtue.
Do not be overly suspicious where it is not warranted.
Do not believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Do not believe in miracles--rely on them.
Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
Do not count your chickens before they are hatched.
Do not drink coffee in the morning or it will keep you awake until noon.
Do not kiss an elephant on the lips today.
Do not learn the tricks of the trade--learn the trade.
Do not lend money to a fiend.
Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them.
Do not offer a compliment and ask for a favor at the same time. A compliment that is charged for is not valuable. - Mark Twain^Notebook
Do not put off till tomorrow what can be put off till day-after-tomorrow just as well. - Mark Twain^Notebook
Do not put statements in the negative form.
Do not read this fortune under penalty of law. (Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a))
Do not seek dishonest gains: dishonest gains are losses. - Hesiod (c. 700 B.C.) Works and Days
Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
Do not speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
Do not tell big lies. Small ones can be just as effective.
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
Do not underestimate the value of print statements for debugging.
Do not underestimate the value of print statements for debugging. Don't have aesthetic convulsions when using them, either.
Do not worry about whether or not the sun will shine.^Just be prepared to enjoy it.
Do the joke. Get the laugh. Move on. - Michael O'Donoughue
Do unto others as though you were the other.
Do unto others before they undo you.
Do you always hit the nail right on the thumb?.
Do you have a job?
Do you have lysdexia?
Do you know,^considering the market, there is more^Poems produced than any other thing?^No wonder poets sometimes have to seem^So much more businesslike than businessmen.^Their wares are so much harder to get rid of. - Robert Frost (1874-1963)^New Hampshire, 1923
Do you know Montana?
Do you know that doing your best is not good enough? First you must know what to do. - manufacturing-quality theorist W. Edwards Deming
Do you know what floccinaucinihilipilification means?
Do you really think Iranian terrorist would've taken Americans hostage, if Ronald Regan were president? - Roger Waters, Radio KAOS
Do you really think third-rate military dictators would laugh at America and burn our flag in contempt, if Ronald Regan were president? - Roger Waters, Radio KAOS
Do your knees buckle, but not your belt?.
Doc, note, I dissent. A fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod.
Documentation is the castor oil of programming...
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Does your back go out more than you do?.
Does your computer talk to you?
Doesn't matter if it's gold--long as it's silver. - Anonymous^[probably from American vaudeville]
Doghouse: A mutt hut.
Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing, but nobody else does. - Steuart Henderson Britt (1907-1979)^Quoted in the New York Herald Tribune, 30 October 1956
Doing gets it done.
Doing nothing makes you tired 'cause you can't take a break.
Domestic happiness and faithful friends.
Don's Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.
Don't ask me what the score is. I'm not even sure what the game is!
Don't attitudenize. - Samuel Johnson
Don't be mad about growing old, some aren't that lucky.
Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
Don't believe anything you read and only half of what you see. - Will Rogers
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Don't blame me! I was dancing Friday night!
Don't comment bad code -- rewrite it.
Don't compare floating point numbers solely for equality.
Don't crush that dwarf; hand me the pliers.
Don't despair -- your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner.
Don't diddle code to make it faster -- find a better algorithm.
Don't dream it, be it. - The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Don't eat yellow snow.
Don't eat yellow snow. - Frank Zappa
Don't ever slam a door; you might want to go back.
Don't everyone thank me at once.
Don't feed the bats tonight.
Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.
Don't gamble with security.
Don't get discouraged... no one is perfickt.
Don't get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house. - anon
Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.
Don't get yourself involved with persons or situations that can't bear inspection.
Don't give up, I'm proud of who you are.
Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
Don't guess -- check your security regulations.
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
Don't I know you?
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Don't keep doing what doesn't work.
Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
Don't let school interfere with your education.
Don't let your mouth run faster than your brain.
Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash. - Bo Diddley
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
Don't look now, but there is a multi--legged creature on your shoulder
Don't make a big deal out of everything; just deal with everything.
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!
Don't panic.
Don't patch bad code-- rewrite it.
Don't put too fine a point to your wit for fear it should get blunted.
Don't quit now, we might just as well lock the door and throw away the key.
Don't read everything you believe.
Don't shoot the pianist.
Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
Don't stop at one bug.
Don't sweat it -- it's only ones and zeros.
Don't take life to serious, it ain't nowhow pernament. - Albert Alligator
Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive.
Don't talk to me about appealing to the public. I am done with the public, for the present anyway. The public reads the headlines and that is all. The story itself is fair and shows the facts. That would be all right if the public read the facts. But it does not. It reads the headlines and listens to the demagogues and that's the stuff public opinion is made of. - J.P. Morgan (1837-1913)
Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done. - James J. Ling
Don't tell me what you dream'd last night for I've been reading Freud.
Don't try to have the last word.^You might get it.
Don't use contractions in formal writing.
Don't use no double negatives.
Don't vote--it only encourages them!
Don't waste the whole day, laugh at least once.
Don't worry, if everything worked right you'd be out of a job.
Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats. - Howard Aiken
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today, it's already tomorrow in Australia. - Shultz
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.
Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
Don't wrestle a pig in a mud hole. You both get all dirty, and the pig enjoys it.
Double!
Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother. - Kahlil Gibran
Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. - Voltaire
Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith. - Paul Tillich, German theologian and historian
Down with categorical imperatives!
Down with ignurance!
Draw from your fine command of language and say nothing.
Draw your salary before spending it.
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Drilling for oil is boring.
Drive carefully, death is so permanent.
Drive defensively, buy a tank.
Drop that pickle!
Dry dock: A thirsty physician.
Duck who fly upside down have quack up.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the Universe together. - Carl Zwanzig
Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders has been discontinued.
Duty is what one expects from others.
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
Each honest calling, each walk of life, has its own elite, its own aristocracy based on excellence of performance. - James Bryant Conant
Each of us bears his own Hell.
Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.
Early to bed--makes you healthy, wealthy and boring.
Easy credit terms available... - Satan (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow you diet.
Eat shit -- billions of flies can't be wrong.
Eat yogurt and get culture.
Economics is called the dismal science, but that's just because most economists are dismal scientists.
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
Economy makes men independent.
Editing is a rewording activity.
Education helps earning capacity. Ask any college professor.
Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.
Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one. - Malcom S. Forbes
Eeeney-Meeney, Chili-beanie, the spirits are about to speak! - Bullwinkle
Een schip op het strand is een baken in zee.^[A ship on the beach is a lighthouse to the sea.] - Dutch Proverb
Eeny Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak. - Bullwinkle Moose
Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. - Ambrose Bierce
Eh-buh-dee, Eh-buh-dee, Ehhh --^Thhhhthat's all, Folks! - Porky Pig
Ekkie ekkie phatang zooboing!
Electricity travels a foot in a nanosecond. - Commodore Grace Murray Hopper, USN
Eliminate government waste no matter how much it costs.
Elliptic paraboloids for sale.
Eloquence is logic on fire.
Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared.
Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May.
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Enter your personal identification number.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Envy is a pain of mind that successful men cause their neighbors.
Epigrams are macros, since they are executed at read time.
Epitaphs are cheap, and they do a poor chap a world of good after he is dead, especially if he had hard luck while he was alive. I wish they were used more. - Mark Twain^"A Curious Dream"
Equal bytes for women.
Errare umanum est.
Error is boundless.^Nor hope nor doubt^Though both be groundless,^Will average out. - J. V. Cunningham (1911-1985)^"Meditation on Statistical Method"^In The Collected Poems and Epigrams, 1971
Eschew clever rules. - Jon Condon, Bell Labs
Eschew dialect, irregardless.
Eschew Obfuscation.^(Look THAT up in your Funk and Wagnalls!) - Anonymous
Established technology tends to persist in spite of new technology.
Ethics does not treat of the world. Ethics must be a condition of the world, like logic. - Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951)^In Auden, A Certain World, 1970
Eureka!
EVIL GENIUS:^Oh Benson, dear Benson . . .^you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence. - Time Bandits
Even a cabbage may look at a king.
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
Even a poor tailor is entitled to some happiness! - from Fiddler On The Roof
Even a prostitute can't find work in a town full of nymphomaniacs. - Seymour Merrin
Even a small star shines in the darkness. - Danish Proverb
Even God lends a hand to honest boldness.
Even if the story isn't true, it does have a grain of sense and instruction to it, and it's entertaining as well, so it's worth the telling.
Even if you can deceive people about a product through misleading statements, sooner or later the product will speak for itself. - Hajime Karatsu
Even if you persuade me, you won't persuade me.
Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers
Even moderation ought not to be practiced to excess.
Even the blind can see money. - Chinese proverb
Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
Even though one keeps his nose to the grindstone, it does not mean that he is good for anything besides cutting bread with his nose.
Even though work stops, expenses run on. - Cato the Elder (234-149 B.C.)^On Agriculture
Ever busy' ever bare. - James Kelly^Scottish Proverbs, 1721
Ever help the person behind the counter with their terminal/computer?
Ever just seem to not be able to get around to procrastinating?
Ever notice that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you just how busy they are?
Ever shoot an elephant in your pajamas?
Ever stop to think and then forget to start again?
Ever think about the fact that thorn bushes have roses?
Ever wish you had a copy of tomorrow's newspaper?
Everthing human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. - Mark Twain, American Writer (1835-1910)
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
Every actor in his heart believes everything bad that's printed about him. - Orson Welles (Attrib.)
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. - Pablo Picasso
Every cloud engenders not a storm.
Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to PUNT.
Every great man of business has got somewhere a touch of the idealist in him. - Woodrow Wilson
Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.
Every man has a scheme that absolutely won't work.
Every man has business and desire, Such as it is. - William Shakespeare^Hamlet, 1600-1601
Every man has his price. Every price has its man.
Every man has three characters - that which he exhibits, that which he has, and that which he thinks he has. - Alphonse Karrk
Every man is as Heaven made him, and sometimes a great deal worse.
Every minute you are angry wastes 60 happy seconds.
Every now and then you have to sit yourself down take stock of your life and say 'What the hell'. - MGV
Every once in a while I feel that I am at two with the universe. - Woody Allen
Every one lives by selling something. - Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894)^Across the Plains, 1892
Every opportunity we have to run our R&D scientists and engineers against our customers, we do it. - George Heilmeier, Texas Instruments Inc., Dallas
Every purchase has its price.
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
Every solution breeds new problems.
Every time I lose weight, it finds me again!
Every why hath a wherefore.
Every year a few research results pay the freight for all the rest. - Robert A. Frosch, General Motors
Everybody got someone they call home. - Roger Waters, Radio KAOS
Everybody need reverse polarity - Rush, Signals
Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop hacking and fall in love!
Everybody ought to have a friend.
Everybody sat around thinking about Panasonic, the Japanese electronics account. Finally I decided, what the hell, I'll throw a line to loosen them up... 'The headline is, the headline is: 'From Those Wonderful Folks Who Gave You Pearl Harbor.'^Complete silence... - Jerry Della Femina,^From Those Wonderful Folks Who Gave You Pearl Harbor, 1970
Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television. - David Letterman
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Everyone is born a king, and most people die in exile.
Everyone is enthusiastic about your work.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Everyone ought to have a maid.
Everyone stopping by with unsought advice will see your mistake.
Everything bows to success, even grammar.
Everything coming your way? you're in the wrong lane!.
Everything goes on sale ... right after you buy it.
Everything goes wrong at once.
Everything going good? you must have overlooked something.
Everything great in this world comes from neurotics. - Proust
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. - Mark Twain, American Writer (1835-1910)
Everything hurts .. and what doesn't don't work.
Everything is at the same time; nothing is vice versa. - Zen saying
Everything put together, falls apart, sooner or later.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)^Quoted in Reader's Digest, October 1977
Everything should be made as simple as possible but not simpler. - Albert Einstein
Everything should be transparent to the user.
Everything takes longer than you think it will.
Everything that can be said can be said clearly. - Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951)
Everything we call real is made of things that cannot be regarded as real. - Neils Bohr
Everything you know is wrong. - The Firesign Theater
Everything's coming up roses.
Evolution is a bankrupt speculative philosophy, not a scientific fact. Only a spiritually bankrupt society could ever believe it. ... Only atheists could accept this Satanic theory. - Rev. Jimmy Swaggart, "The Pre-Adamic Creation and Evolution"
Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world wants to have sex. - Ellyn Mustard
Except that right side up is best, there is not much to learn about holding a baby. There are 152 distinctly different ways and all are right! At least all will do. - Heywood Broun, Collected Edition, 1941
Excreto ergo sum.
Excuse me, Worker, I'll just be a nanosecond. - a computer, from Firesign Theater's "I Think We're All Bozos On This Bus"
Excuse me for not answering your letter, but I've been so busy not answering letters that I couldn't get around to not answering yours in time. - Groucho Marx
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs.
Exhaustion error: DOS is too tired to boot.
Expansion means complexity, and complexity decays.
Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
Experience is a comb that nature gives us when we are bald. - Belgian proverb
Experience is a dear teacher, but fools will learn at no other. - Poor Richard's Almanac
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. - F. P. Jones
Experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes.
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
Experience should be a guide post, but not a hitching post.
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.
Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields. But experts often think so.
Express an opinion, but send advice by freight.
External Security:
Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
Extreme good--naturedness borders on weakness of character. Avoid it.
e-credibility: the non-guarantee-able likelihood that the electronic data you're seeing is genuine rather than somebody's made-up crap. - Karl Lehenbauer
egrep patterns are full regular expressions; it uses a fast deterministic algorithm that sometimes needs exponential space. - unix manuals
F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a drn!.
Fact--red lights always last longer then green ones.
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
Failure is never fatal and success is never final.
Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.
Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.
Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurence of the improbable. - H. L. Mencken
Falling hurts least those who fly low. - Chinese Proverb
Familiarity breeds attempt.
Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children. - Mark Twain^Notebook
Familiarity breeds.
Fanatics have their dreams, wherewith they weave a paradise for a sect. - Keats
Fancy gizmos don't work.
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
Farmers are just plain folks.
Fast ship? You mean you've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?
Fasten your seat belt.
Fatal error at 2dh^^Abort, Retry, Ignore, Curse me out?
Feces Occurs.
Feel good? don't worry, you'll get over it.
Fellow with closed mind often has open mouth.
Felson's Law:^^To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Few have heard of Fra Luca Parioli, the inventor of double-entry book-keeping; but he has probably had much more influence on human life than has Dante or Michelangelo. - Herbert J. Muller (1905- )^The Uses of the Past, 1952
Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder. - George Washington (1732-1799)^Letter to Robert Howe, 17 August 1779
Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man's, I mean. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar
Few people are successful unless a lot of other people want them to be. - Charles Brower
Few people can be happy unless they hate some other person, nation or creed. - Bertrand Russell
Few people have the imagination for reality. - Goethe
Fidelity: A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
Fie on clients who cannot leave copy alone and fie on copywriters who can. - Harry Pesin, Sayings To Run an Advertising Agency By, 1966
Fiery energy lanced out, but the beams struck an intangible wall between the Gubru and the rapidly turning Earth ship.
Finagle's First Law: If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Finagle's Fourth Law: Once a job is messed up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
Finagle's Law: The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
Finance A man without money is no man at all. - Thomas Fuller (1654-1734)^Gnomologia
Firmness of delivery dates is inversely proportional to tightness of schedule.
First Law of Advice: The correct advice is to give the advice that is desired.
First learn computer science and all the theory. Next develop a programming style. Then forget all that and just hack. - George Carrette [1990]
Flee at once, all is discovered.
Flon's Law:^^There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write a bad program.
Flying is the art of throwing yourself at the ground... and missing!
FORTRAN? The syntactically incorrect statement "DO 10 I = 1.10" will parse and generate code creating a variable, DO10I, as follows: "DO10I = 1.10" If that doesn't terrify you, it should.
Follow the advice of your heart.
Follow the good side right to the fire, but not into it.
Food profits rise as you come closer to the table. - Claude Fuqua Anderson, Clayton
Fools ignore complexity. Pragmatists suffer it. Some can avoid it. Geniuses remove it. - Perlis's Programming Proverb #58, SIGPLAN Notices, Sept. 1982
Fools rush in where wise men fear to trade. - Laurence J. Petery
Football combines the worst elements of America: Mass violence punctuated by committee meetings. - Author Unknown
Football is an incredible game. Sometimes it's so incredible, it's unbelievable. - Tom Landry
For a good time, call (408) 555--1212.
For a holy stint, a moth of the cloth gave up his woolens for lint.
For adult education nothing beats children.
For all the talk you hear about knowledge being such a wonderful thing, instink is worth forty of it for real unerringness. - Mark Twain^Tom Sawyer Abroad
For best results, squeeze from the bottom of the tube.
For best results: flip open cap, fill dishwasher dispenser cup(s)... - Palmolive liquid automatic dishwashing detergent bottle
For courage mounteth with occasion.
For every problem there is one solution which is simple, neat, and wrong. - H. L. Mencken
For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.
For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
For murder is the sport of the elected. And you don't even need to lift a finger of your hand. - Police
For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will like.
For thee the wonder working earth puts forth sweet flowers.
For those of you who think life is a joke, just think of the punchline.
For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business. - T. S. Eliot (1888-1965)^Four Quartets: East Coker, 1940
For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
Force has no place where there is need of skill.
Forgive your enemies but never forget their names.
Fort Wayne is not the headquarters of F troop.
Fortunately... no one's in control. - Willie Nelson
Fortune is like the market, where many times, if you can stay a little, the price will fall. - Francis Bacon (1561-1626)^Of Delays, 1625
Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment.
Forty two.
Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn. - Rhett Butler
Frankly, my dear Charlotte, I don't give a damn.
Free at last, free at last, Great God Almighty, I am free at last. - Martin Luther King
Free the Indianapolis 500.
Freedom is doing what you like, happiness liking what you do.
Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. War is peace.
Freedom of the press belongs to those that own one. - A.J. Liebling
Friction is a drag.
Friends are people you can be quiet with.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. - Dr. Thomas Jones (1916-1981)^Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
Friendship is like wax fruit. It's great until you try to put the bite on it. - B.C. (Johnny Hart)
Frisbee players are ultimate lovers.
From an operating system research point of view, Unix is -- if not dead -- certainly old stuff, and it's clear that people should be looking beyond it. - Dennis Ritchie, coinventor of Unix^Usenix keynote speech from Summer 1990
From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
From now on we shall offer police jobs to qualified women regardless of sex. - A New Jersey town's affirmative action statement
From Sharp minds come... pointed heads. - Bryan Sparrowhawk
Fudd's First Law: "If you push something hard enough, it will fall over."
Function reject.
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. - H. H. Williams
Future, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true, and our happiness is assured. - Ambrose Bierce^The Devil's Dictionary
Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
Fuzzy project goals avoid the embarrassment of estimating the costs.
f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
GALAHAD: Camelot^LAUNCELOT: Camelot^GAWAIN (to the PAGE): It's only a model.^ARTHUR (turning sharply): Shhh!!! - Monty Python
Gain is pleasant though it be full of lies. - Attributed to Sophocles (c. 496 B.C.)^In Erasmus (1465-1536), Adagia
Garbage In, Gospel Out
Gargling twice daily is a good way to see if your neck leaks.
Garlic is to salad what insanity is to art.
Gary Hart: living proof that you *can* screw your brains out.
Gather ye rose-buds while ye may, Old Time is still a-flying: And this same flower that smiles today, Tomorrow will be dying. - Robert Herrick
Gee, Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
General Motors is not in the business of making cars. General Motors is in the business of making money. - Thomas A. Murphy (1915- )^General Motors
Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. - Thomas A. Edison
Genius is ten percent inspiration and fifty percent capital gains.
Genius is the talent of a man who is dead.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. - Elbert Hubbard
Gentlemen, it appears to be unanimous that we cannot agree.
Get even...with the people that have helped you.
Get hold of portable property. - Charles Dickens, "Great Expectations"
Get off your ASCII.
Get out the Crisco.
Get the test tubes^and that scale^and get it all outta here - Steely Dan
Get your facts first... then you can distort 'em as much as you please. - Mark Twain^Quoted by Rudyard Kipling in^From Sea to Shining Sea
Getting a date with a girl is a lot like getting a loan from a bank -- to get one, you must first prove that you don't need one. - Brad Kozak
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.
Girl, bathing on Bikini, eyeing boy, finds boy eyeing bikini on bathing girl.
Girls just wanna have fun...Guys just wanna have girls.
Girls just want to have fun - C. Lauper
Girls just want to have lunch - A. Yankovic
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll invite himself over for dinner. - Calvin Keegan
Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding. - Abraham Kaplan
Give a speculator an inch and he'll build a condo.
Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.
Give big space to the festive dog that shall sport in the roadway.
Give him an evasive answer.
Give me a fish and I will eat today. Teach me to fish and I will eat forever.
Give me all your lupins!
Give me chastity and continence, but not just now.
Give me librium or give me meth.
Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing your name and moving to a new town.
Give up.
Give what you have. To someone it may be better than you dare to think. - Longfellow
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
Given my druthers, I'd druther not.
Go away, kid. You bother me.
Go away.
Go Hawaiian: Give your gal a lei.
Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go!!!
Go soothingly in the grease mud, as there lurks the skid demon.
Go to your business, I say, pleasure, whilst I go to my pleasure, business. - William Wycherley (c. 1640-1716)^The Country Wife, 1675
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. - Reinhold Niebuhr
God bless the Holy Trinity.
God can stand being told by Professor Ayer and Marghanita Laski that He doesn't exist. - J. B. Priestley, 'The BBC's Duty to Society',Listener, 1965
God does not play dice with the universe. - Einstein
God forbid that I should be out of debt, as if, indeed, I could not be trusted. - Francois Rabelais (c. 1494-1553)
God give us relatives, but let us choose our friends.
God gives us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.
God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends.
God grant me the senility to accept the things I cannot change, The frustration to try to change things I cannot affect, and the wisdom to tell the difference.
God is dead - Vichee^^Vichee is dead - God!
God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean.
God must love the common man; He made so many of them.
God not only plays dice, He sometimes throws the dice where they cannot be seen. - S. Hawking
God requireth not a uniformity of religion. - Roger Williams
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
Gold and love affairs are difficult to hide. - Spanish proverb
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. - Mark Twain^Notebook
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the universal amphitheater.
Good fortune will find you, providing you gave directions.
Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness the poison.
Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. - Fred Brooks, University of North Carolina
Good literature is about Love and War. Trash fiction is about Sex and Violence. - Author Unknown
Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a good day.
Good words are worth much, and cost little. - George Herbert (1593-1633)^Jacula Prudentum, 1651
Goodness had nothing to do with it. - Mae West
Goodness is the only investment that never fails. - Henry David Thoreau
Gort, klaatu birada nikto.
Graffiti has changed deface of the nation.
Grammarians dispute--and the case is still before the courts. - Horace^Epistles (Ars Poetica)
Grass is nature's way of saying high.
Gravity brings you down.
Great beer bellies are made, not born.
Great googly moogly! - Frank Zappa
Great minds discuss ideas; small ones, people.
Great spirits have always found violent oppression from mediocrities. - Albert Einstein
Greatness is a transitory experience. It is never consistent.
Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have someone to divide it with. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar
Gumperson's Law: The probability of anything happening is inversely proportional to its desirability.
Gun control: Hitting what you aim at. - Author Unknown
Gutenberg made everybody a reader. Xerox makes everyone a publisher. - Marshall McLuhan^Interview in the Washington Post, 1977
grep me no patterns and I'll tell you no lines.
Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
Hail to the sun god^He sure is a fun god^Ra! Ra! Ra!
Hailing frequencies open, Captain.
Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town? - Mark Twain^The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Half the lies our opponents tell about us are not true.
Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted, and the trouble is I don't know which half. - John Wanamaker (1838-1922)^Quoted in Ogilvy, Confessions of an Advertising Man, 1963
Hand, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. - Ambrose Bierce^The Devil's Dictionary
Handle yourself with your head, handle others with your heart.
Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.
Happiness ain't a thing in itself-it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. - Mark Twain^"Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven"
Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion.
Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip. - Anonymous
Happiness is not an ideal of reason, but of imagination. - Immanuel Kant
Happiness is wanting what you have.
Happy feast of the pig.
Hard where? Soft where?
Harp not on that string.
Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:^^Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
Harrison's Postulate:^^For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Hartley's First Law:^^You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something.
Has this fellow no feeling of his business? - William Shakespeare,^Hamlet
Haste maketh waste.
Have no friends not equal to yourself.
Have the courage to live; anyone can die. - Robert Cody
Have you ever received a Fax or a photocopy of a floppy?
Have you ever shown a novice the "any" key? ... Was it the power switch?
Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?... Did it answer?
Have you locked your file cabinet?
Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk.
Have you seen Quasimodo? I had a hunch he was back.
Have you tried on your smile today?
Having nothing, nothing can he lose.
Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.
Hawaii is a part of the United States that is an island and is right here. - Dan Quayle, while in Hawaii
Hawaii is as American as apple poi.
HEL-lo. - J. Paul Grayson
He always did have that 'Touch of Madness' that marks the true artist and breaks the hearts of the young girls from fine homes. - Robert Crumb, Snoid Comics, 1980
He does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural.
He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions...
He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.
He hasn't one redeeming vice. - Oscar Wilde
He hath eaten me out of house and home.
He is considered the most graceful speaker who can say nothing in most words.
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
He know the precise psychological moment when to say nothing. - Oscar Wilde
He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
He smote the rock of the national resources, and abundant streams of revenue gushed forth. He touched the dead corpse of Public Credit, and it sprung upon its feet. - Daniel Webster (1782-1852)^On Alexander Hamilton, 1831
He spoke with a certain what-is-it in his voice, and I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled. - P. G. Wodehouse, The Code of the Woosters, 1938
He taught us drawing, stretching, and fainting in coils.
He that blames would buy. - George Herbert (1593-1633)^Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
He that can have patience can have what he will. - Benjamin Franklin
He that cannot abide a bad market, deserves not a good one. - John Ray (1627-1705)^English Proverbs, 1678
He that compts all costes, will never put plough in the eard. - David Ferguson (died 1598)^Scottish Proverbs, 1641
He that forecasts all difficulties that he may meet with in business, will never set about it. - James Kelly^Scottish Proverbs, 1721
He that hath a trade hath an estate, and he that hath a calling hath an office of profit and honor. - Benjamin Franklin^Poor Richard's Almanack, 1757
He that is busy is tempted by but one devil; he that is idle, by a legion. - Thomas Fuller (1654-1734)^Gnomologia, 1732
He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.
He that speaks ill of the Mare will buy her. - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)^Poor Richard's Almanack, 1742
He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.
He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
He was kind of a jerk,^He was kind of a boor^But the women would scream^When he walked in the door^'Cause one thing I can tell you for sure^That boy could dance - Weird Al
He was so narrow--minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
He who believes the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs.
He who cannot lend, let him take heed of borrowing. - Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)^Essays, 1580
He who cooks carrots and peas in same pot unsanitary.
He who enters contest is optimistic as submarine with screen doors.
He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over.
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how. - Nietzsche
He who has had, has been, but he who hasn't been, has been had.
He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
He who hates vices hates mankind.
He who hesitates is last.
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
He who hoots with owls by night cannot soar with eagles by day.
He who is afraid of asking is ashamed of learning. - Danish Proverb
He who is flogged by fate and laughs the louder is a masochist.
He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
He who is henpecked may lend an ear to other chicks.
He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.
He who knows all the answers never gets asked the questions.
He who knows does not speak. He who speaks does not know. - Lao Tzu
He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.
He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
He who laughs, lasts.
He who laughs last, didn't get the punch line.
He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
He who laughs last is probably your boss.
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands.
He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.
He who looks like his passport photo is not well enough to travel.
He who reads many fortunes gets confused.
He who receives a benefit with gratitude repays the first installment on his debt. - Seneca (c. 4 B.C.-A.D. 65)^Moral Essays
He who requires much from himself and little from others will be secure from hatred. - K'ung Fu-tse
He who shits on the road will meet flies on his return. - South African Saying
He who slings mud loses ground.
He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.
He who tells you how great he is usually isn't.
He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder. - M. C. Escher
He'll sit here and he'll say, "Do this! Do that!" And nothing will happen. - Harry S. Truman, on presidential power
He's a wild man. Get out of here.
He's dead, Jim.
He's dead, Jim.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx
Hear the other side. - St. Augustine (354-430)^De Duabus Animabus
Heard on Noahs' ark: Sailing is fun,^but scrubbing the decks is aardvark.
Heaven and hell is right here, right now... You make it heaven or you make it hell by your actions. - George Harrison
Hell is for children. - Pat Benatar
Hell is paved with good intentions' but heaven goes in for something more dependable. Solid gold. - Joyce Cary (1888-1957)^The Horse's Mouth, 1944
Hell's broken loose.
Hello! I'm Bounder of Adventure!
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!
Help! I'm trapped inside an Amdahl 470!
Her life was saved by rock and roll. - Lou Reed
Here at Controls, we have one chief for every Indian...but only the brave get scalped.
Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people; from Presidents and Kings to the scum of the earth...
Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.
Here I am, fifty-eight, and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. - Peter Drucker
Here is the answer which I will give to President Roosevelt... Give us the tools, and we will finish the job. - Winston Churchill (1877-1965)^Radio broadcast, 9 February 1941
Here's looking at you, kid.
Here's the rule for bargains: "Do other men, for they would do you." That's the true business precept. - Charles Dickens^Martin Chuzzlewit, 1843-1844
Hesitate or fumble and you are done for. Think only of the jump. - Virginia Woolf
Hi, kids! Ed Barbera here!
Hindsight is an exact science.
Hire the morally handicapped.
His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
His life was formal; his actions seemed ruled with a ruler.
History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
History doesn't repeat itself. Historians merely repeat each other.
History is bunk.
History repeats itself; historians repeat each other.
Hoare's Law of Large Problems:^^Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster at your side. - Han Solo
Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Langston Hughes
Hollywood: Where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars. - Fred Allen
Holy Hand Grenades, Batman! - Robin
Home is the place where your computer lives and runs your life. - Chrome Cowboy, sobiloff@Thor.acc.stolaf.edu
Home is the nicest place you will ever go.
Homely truth is unpalatable. - Mark Twain^The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
Honesty is next to poverty.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense
Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom. - Thomas Jefferson
Honesty's the best policy.
Honi soit la vache qui rit.
Honk if you love obscene gestures.
Honor and profit lie not in one sack. - George Herbert (1593-1633)^Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.
Hope is a waking dream.
Hoping to goodness is not theologically sound. - Peanuts
Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.
Horses with free rein will travel where others have been before. - John Steinbeck
Hot dogs are best when served with a ballgame.
Houdini escaping from New Jersey!
How about a little fire, scarecrow?
How apt the poor are to be proud.
How are things?
How can a man die with sage in his garden?
How can the arts overcome the slow dying of men's hearts that we call the progress of the world...? - W.B. Yeats
How can you avoid hurting someone's feelings without being a liar?
How can you be two places at once when you're not anywhere at all? - Firesign Theater
How can you govern a nation which has 246 kinds of cheese?
How can you tell when a Burroughs salesman is lying?^When his lips move.
How can you work when the system's so crowded?
How come we never talk anymore?
How come wrong numbers are never busy? - Stephen Wright
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
How do I explain to clients that society believes buying a rock (of cocaine) is three or four times as bad as raping a woman? - Robert Jakovitch, Broward [FL] Assistant Public Defender
How do I love thee? My accumulator overflows.
How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
How do you make a small fortune in Texas oil?^^Start with a big one.
How does a project get to be a year late? ... One day at a time. - Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
How high I am / How much I see / How far I reach / Depends on me
How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
How many "coming men" has one known! Where on earth do they all go to?
How many hardware guys does it take to change a light bulb?^^"Well the diagnostics say it's fine buddy, so it's a software problem."
How many priests are needed for a Boston Mass?
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?^None, its a hardware problem.
How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?^^Let's see, can you use a shell script for that or does it need a C program?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
How untasteful can you get?
How was Thomas J. Watson buried? 9 edge down.
How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
How you look depends on where you go.
How'd you make a have out of a has-not? - Roger Waters, Radio KAOS
HP had a unique policy of allowing its engineers to take parts from stock as long as they built something. "They figured that with every design, they were getting a better engineer. It's a policy I urge all companies to adopt." - Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak,^"Will Wozniak's class give Apple to teacher?"^EE Times, June 6, 1988, pg 45
Humanity has in the course of time had to endure from the hands of science two great outrages upon its naive self-love. The first was when it realized that our earth was not the center of the universe, but only a speck in a world-system of a magnitude hardly conceivable... The second was when biological research robbed man of his particular privilege of having been specially created, and relegated him to a descent from the animal world. - Sigmund Freud
Humanity has the stars in its future, and that future is too important to be lost under the burden of juvenile folly and ignorant superstition. - Isaac Asimov
Humorists...those who can talk sensibly about a controversy.
Hyphenate between syllables and avoid UN--necessary hyphens.
I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never any use to oneself. - Oscar Wilde, An Ideal Husband 1895
I am a bad Englishman, because I think the advantages of commerce are dearly bought for some by the lives of many more. - Horace Walpole (1717-1797)^Letter to Horace Mann, 26 May 1762
I am a computer. I am dumber than any human and smarter than any administrator.
I am a Millionaire. That is my religion. - George Bernard Shaw^Major Barbara, 1907
I am a man--nothing human is alien to me.
I am anxyus to skewer your infloounce. - Artemus Ward [Charles Farrar Brown] (1834-1867)^Works, 1898^From "One of Mr. Ward's Business Letters"
I am being frank about myself in this book. I tell of my first mistake on page 850. - Henry Kissinger, of his memoirs The White House Years, 1979
I am here by the will of the people and I won't leave until I get my raincoat back. - a slogan of the anarchists in Richard Kadrey's "Metrophage"
I am ill at reckoning; it fitteth the spirit of a tapster. - William Shakespeare (1564-1616)^Love's Labour's Lost, 1594-1595
I am looking for an honest man.
I am made from the dust of the stars, the oceans flow in my veins. - Rush, "Presto"
I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work.
I am not a crook.
I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
I am not in Wall Street for my health. - J. P. Morgan
I am not young enough to know everything. - James M. Barrie
I am righteously indignant; YOU are annoyed; HE is making a fuss about nothing. - Competition, New Statesman
I am thankful for one leg. To limp is no disgrace -- I may not be number one, but I can still run the race. - B.C.
I am the housekeeper!
I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. - Frank Lloyd Wright
I believe that advertising is an investment where risk taking is inordinately rewarded and where the penalty for failure is not correspondingly severe. - Chester A. Posey (1896-1971)^McCann-Erikson
I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey. - Mark Twain
I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. - Dick Martin, Playboy, 1969
I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.
I came home the other night and tried to open the door with my car keys...and the building started up. So I took it out for a drive. A cop pulled me over for speeding. He asked me where I live... "Right here". - Steven Wright
I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.
I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle it's much too confining. - Lilly Tomlin
I can relate to that.
I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unreasonable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect. - Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. - Joe Walsh
I can't drive 55.
I can't hear you. There's a banana republic in my ear.
I can't reach the brakes on this piano!
I come unbundled.
I could prove God statistically. - George Gallup
I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no socks.
I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory.
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
I didn't graduate "Magna Cum Laude" or "Summa Cum Laude" -- I graduated "Laude Howe Cum."
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions -- the curtain was up. - Groucho Marx
I disagree with what you say, but will defend to the death your right to tell such LIES!
I dislike arguments of any kind. They are always vulgar, and often convincing. - Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest, 1895
I distinctly remember forgetting that. - Clara Barton
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink. - Joe E. Lewis
I do and I do and I do for you kids, and THIS is the thanks I get. - David Letterman
I do desire we may be better strangers.
I do not believe that this generation of Americans is willing to resign itself to going to bed each night by the light of a Communist moon... - Lyndon B. Johnson
I do not fear computers.. I fear the lack of them. - Isaac Asimov
I do not find in orthodox Christianity one redeeming feature. - Thomas Jefferson
I do not regard a broker as a member of the human race. - Honore de Balzac (1790-1859)
I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage. - Noel Coward (Attrib.)
I don't care a damn for the invention. The dimes are what I'm after. - Isaac M. Singer (1811-1875)^On his sewing machine
I don't care how much a man talks, if he only says it in a few words. - Josh Billings
I don't deserve this, but then, I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. - Jack Benny, on accepting an award
I don't even know what street Canada is on. - Al Capone
I don't find any correlation between size and greatness. - Woody Allen
I don't get no respect.
I don't know much about Americanism, but it's a damn good word with which to carry an election. - Warren G. Harding
I don't know what a chamber of commerce is unless 'tis a place where business men go to sleep. - Finley Peter Dunne [d.b.a. Mr. Dooley] (1867-1936)
I don't know what you mean by YOUR way, all the ways about here belong to ME
I don't meet competition, I crush it. - Charles Revson (1906-1975)^Revlon
I don't mind dying . . . I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen
I don't mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy. - Samuel Butler^Notebooks, 1912
I don't see you registered here. - Grace Bester, University of Hartford Admissions Department
I don't understand you anymore.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achive immortality by not dying. - Woody Allen
I don't want to be a millionaire. I just want to live like one. - Joe E. Lewis
I don't want to be young again, I just don't want to get any older.
I dote on his very absence.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
I enjoy the time that we spend together.
I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.
I find you lack of faith in the forth dithturbing. - Darse ("Darth") Vader
I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
I give them a chance once a year to work me over, and that's enough. - James D. Finley (1916- )^J. P. Stevens^Of talking to the press and public^at the annual stockholders' meeting
I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs. - H. L. Mencken
I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it. - Samuel Goldwyn
I happen to know quite a bit about the South. Spent twenty years there one night. - Dick Gregory
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)^Journal, May 1849
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. - Charles Schulz, Peanuts, cartoon
I have become comfortably numb. - Pink Floyd
I have been poor and I have been rich. Rich is better. - Sophie Tucker
I have had no real gratification or enjoyment more than my neighbor on the next block who is worth only half a million. - last words of railroad magnate William Henry Vanderbilt
I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning.
I have my clarinet in my sleeve and my breath in my mouth. [I am ready for business.] - Arabic proverb Collected by J. L. Burckhardt, 1817
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have no time for monks resisting the carnival.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices. - Mark Twain^"Answers to Correspondents"
I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.
I heard discussion and commentary merged to form dysentery. - Woody Allen
I heard from my cat's lawyer today. My cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles. - Johnny Carson, The Tonight Show, NBC TV, 1984
I judge a religion as being good or bad based on whether its adherents become better people as a result of practicing it. - Joe Mullally, computer salesman
I just couldn't convince Texans that Dukakis was Greek for Bubba. - Lloyd Benson
I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put it down.
I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
I kew a girl, she was a macho man.
I knew they could pile it pretty high and pretty deep, but I never knew they could get it to talk.
I know engineers. They love to change things. - Dr. McCoy
I know it all, I just can't remember it all at once.
I know karate...and seven other Chinese words.
I know on which side my bread is buttered.
I know that unremitting attention to business is the price of success, but I don,t know what success is. - Charles Dudley Warner (1829-1900)^Backlog Studies, 1873
I like it better in the dark.
I like the future, I'm in it.
I like the word `indolence.' It makes my laziness seem classy. - Bern Williams
I like to be in America!^OK by me in America!^Everything free in America^For a small fee in America! - Stephen Sondheim, 'America', song from West Side Story, 1957
I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.
I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity. - Albert Einstein
I love acting. It is so much more real than life. - Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891
I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise. - Noel Coward
I love the smell of Napalm in the morning. - Apocalypse Now
I love treason but hate a traitor.
I marvel at the strength of human weakness.
I may be an idiot, but indeed I am no fool. - Men at Work
I may not be perfectly wise, perfectly witty or perfectly wonderful, but I'm always perfectly me. - April D.
I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. - Ashleigh Brilliant
I mean, the question actors most often get asked is how they can bear saying the same things over and over again night after night, but God knows the answer to that is, don't we all anyway; might as well get paid for it. - Elaine Dundy, The Dud Avocado, 1958
I must create a system myself or be enslaved by another man's. - Blake
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up. - Mark Twain^The Innocents Abroad
I must have slipped a disk; my pack hurts.
I never came here & I ain't goin' nowhere either. - Willie Nelson
I never did a thing in all my life, virtuous or otherwise, that I didn't repent of in twenty-four hours. - Mark Twain^"The Facts Concerning the Recent Carnival^of Crime in Connecticut"
I never did it that way before.
I never loved another person the way I loved myself. - Mae West
I never met a man I didn't like. - Will Rogers
I never said all actors are cattle. What I said was all actors should be treated like cattle. - Alfred Hitchcock (Attrib.)
I program, therefore I am.
I really hate this damn machine,^I wish that they would sell it.^It never does just what I want,^But only what I tell it.
I refuse to admit that I am more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate. - Nancy Astor (Attrib.)
I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce. - J. Edgar Hoover
I remember back when a "mouse" had four legs, "PostScript" was what came at the end of a letter, and "Unix" was a term for someone who'd had his works cut out for him. - Brad Kozak
I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's ...
I saw what you did and I know who you are.
I sense danger, Will Robinson! - Robot YM3
I shall tell you a great secret, my friend. Do not wait for the last judgement, it takes place every day. - Albert Camus
I shoot the Hippopotamus^With bullets made of platinum,^Because if I used leaden ones^His hide is sure to flatten 'em. - Hilaire Belloc, 'The Hippopotamus', Bad Child's Book of Beasts, 1896
I shut my eyes in order to see. - Paul Gauguin
I suggest a new strategy, R2. Let the Wookiee win.
I survived Catholic school.
I tells ,ee I means business. - Thomas Hughes (1822-1896)^Tom Brown's Schooldays, 1857
I think, therefore I am paid.
I think, therefore I am. I think.
I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it's somebody else's secretary, fine! - Barry Goldwater
I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not. But I'm sick and tired of being told that I am. - Monty Python
I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. - Oscar Wilde
I think that I shall never see^A billboard lovely as a tree.^Indeed, unless the billboards fall^I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash, 'Song of the Open Road',^Happy Days 1933
I think their experience with us may have helped their contemptuousness; the ignorance they come by naturally. - Chuck McManis (personal communication)
I think there's a world market for about 5 computers. - Thomas J. Watson, Chairman of the Board, IBM (around 1948)
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
I think we're in trouble.
I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure. - Graffiti
I used to worship the mighty genius of Michaelangelo -- that man who was great in poetry, painting, sculpture, architecture -- great in everything he undertook. But I do not want Michaelangelo for breakfast... I like a change, occasionally. - Mark Twain^The Innocents Abroad
I Writing about art is like dancing about architecture. - Anon.
I want a new drug. - Huey Lewis and the News
I want life to be exceedingly psychedelic verging on the surreal. - AJF
I want to be what I was when I wanted to be what I am now. - Graffito, London, 1980
I was angry at a friend. I told my wrath; my wrath did end. I was angry at a foe. I told him not; my wrath did grow. - William Blake
I was born in 1962. True. And the room next to me was 1963... - Joan Rivers, An Audience with Joan Rrvers, London Weekend Television, 1984
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. - Mark Twain
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. - Mark Twain^Life on the Mississippi
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died. - Steven Wright
I will defend to your death my right to my opinion. - Author Unknown
I will make you shorter by the head.
I will never lie to you.
I will not forget you.
I wish the Arabs and the Jews would settle their differences like Christian gentlemen. - attributed to Arthur Ballour and others
I wish they all could be California girls.
I wish you humans would leave me alone.
I wish you the courage to be warm when the world would prefer you to be cool. - Robert A. Ward
I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth. - Carl Sandburg (1878-1967)
I would have promised those terrorists a trip to Disneyland if it would have gotten the hostages released. I thank God they were satisfied with the missiles and we didn't have to go to that extreme. - Oliver North
I would sooner be notorious than unknown.
I wouldn't mind being poor if I had lots of money.
I wouldn't shoot him if I were you. It will just make him mad.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. - Graffiti
I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee.
I'd like to be home, with my monkey, and my dog. - Roger Waters, Radio KAOS
I'd love to, but I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
I'd love to, but I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
I'd love to, but I don't want to leave my comfort zone.
I'd love to, but I feel a song coming on.
I'd love to, but I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
I'd love to, but I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
I'd love to, but I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
I'd love to, but I have to bleach my hare.
I'd love to, but I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
I'd love to, but I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.
I'd love to, but I have to floss my cat.
I'd love to, but I have to fluff my shower cap.
I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my destiny.
I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential.
I'd love to, but I have to go to court for kitty littering.
I'd love to, but I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
I'd love to, but I have to jog my memory.
I'd love to, but I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
I'd love to, but I have to rotate my crops.
I'd love to, but I have to sit up with a sick ant.
I'd love to, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
I'd love to, but I have to study for a blood test.
I'd love to, but I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
I'd love to, but I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair.
I'd love to, but I have too much guilt.
I'd love to, but I left my body in my other clothes.
I'd love to, but I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
I'd love to, but I never go out on days that end in "Y".
I'd love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma.
I'd love to, but I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
I'd love to, but I think you want the OTHER Luke.
I'd love to, but I want to spend more time with my blender.
I'd love to, but I'll be looking for a parking space.
I'd love to, but I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
I'd love to, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
I'd love to, but I'm being deported.
I'd love to, but I'm building a pig from a kit.
I'd love to, but I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
I'd love to, but I'm doing door--to--door collecting for static cling.
I'd love to, but I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
I'd love to, but I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
I'd love to, but I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
I'd love to, but I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
I'd love to, but I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.
I'd love to, but I'm going to be old someday.
I'd love to, but I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
I'd love to, but I'm having all my plants neutered.
I'd love to, but I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
I'd love to, but I'm in training to be a household pest.
I'd love to, but I'm observing National Apathy Week.
I'd love to, but I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
I'd love to, but I'm sandblasting my oven.
I'd love to, but I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
I'd love to, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
I'd love to, but I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
I'd love to, but I'm too young for that stuff.
I'd love to, but I'm touring China with a wok band.
I'd love to, but I'm trying to be less popular.
I'd love to, but I'm trying to cut down.
I'd love to, but I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
I'd love to, but I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
I'd love to, but I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
I'd love to, but I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
I'd love to, but I'm worried about my vertical hold.
I'd love to, but I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
I'd love to, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
I'd love to, but I've been traded to Cincinnati.
I'd love to, but I've dedicated my life to linguini.
I'd love to, but I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
I'd love to, but It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
I'd love to, but It's my parakeet's bowling night.
I'd love to, but having fun gives me prickly heat.
I'd love to, but it's too close to the turn of the century.
I'd love to, but my Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
I'd love to, but my Millard Fillmore Fan Club meets then.
I'd love to, but my bathroom tiles need grouting.
I'd love to, but my chocolate--appreciation class meets that night.
I'd love to, but my crayons all melted together.
I'd love to, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
I'd love to, but my mother would never let me hear the end of it.
I'd love to, but my palm reader advised against it.
I'd love to, but my patent is pending.
I'd love to, but my plot to take over the world is thickening.
I'd love to, but my subconscious says no.
I'd love to, but my uncle escaped again.
I'd love to, but my yucca plant is feeling yucky.
I'd love to, but none of my socks match.
I'd love to, but people are blaming me for the Spanish--American War.
I'd love to, but the President said he might drop in.
I'd love to, but the grunion are running.
I'd love to, but the last time I went, I never came back.
I'd love to, but the man on television told me to stay tuned.
I'd love to, but there are important world issues that need worrying about.
I'd love to, but there's a disturbance in the Force.
I'd love to, but you know how we psychos are.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
I'll burn my books.
I'll get you Dorothy. . . and your little dog, too! - Wicked Witch of the West
I'll give you a definite maybe. - Attributed to Samuel Goldwyn
I'll never get off this planet.
I'll tell ya, life aint easy for a boy named Sue!
I'll turn over a new leaf.
I'm a great believer in luck. The harder I work the more I have of it. - Thomas Jefferson
I'm a Hollywood writer; so I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain.
I'm a Leo. Leos don't believe in this astrology stuff. - Tom Neff
I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK.
I'm a programmer, I don't do COBOL.
I'm an influential person -- gravitationally speaking.
I'm beginning to wonder why they even set up this office. Industry in New York does not advise the legislators--it controls them. - Betty Furness^(New York State Consumer Protection Board^Announcing her resignation.)
I'm caught between a scylla and charibdes. - Police
I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
I'm just a bad dream I had yesterday. - Jethro Tull
I'm lost between tomorrow and yesterday. - Kinks
I'm mad as Hell, and I'm not going to take it any more. - (from Network, 1976)^Paddy Chayevsky
I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any longer. - Network
I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator".
I'm not a social person but I could fall for a duke -- they are a great aphrodisiac. - Tina Brown, Tatler, 1979
I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of crashing. - Neil Simon
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen
I'm not completely worthless, I can always serve as a bad example.
I'm not lost, but I don't know where I am.
I'm not overweight, I'm undertall! - Garfield
I'm not really bad -- I'm just drawn that way. - Jessica Rabbit
I'm not sure office buildings are even architecture. They're really a mathematical calculation, just three-dimensional investments. - Gordon Bunshaft, quoted in Fortune, 1973
I'm now at the age where I've got to prove that I'm just as good as I never was. - Rex Harrison (Attrib.)
I'm okay and you're okay. . . but I'm more okay than you are. - Unknown
I'm schizophrenic,^What are you?
I'm sick of being trodden on! The Elder Gods say they can make me a man! All it costs is my soul! I'll do it, cuz NOW I'M MAD!!! - Necronomicomics #1, Jack Herman & Jeff Dee
I'm still chasing girls.^^I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them. - Joe E. Lewis
I'm trying to loose weight, but it keeps finding me.
I'm walking on sunshine and it's time to feel good.
I've been there.
I've come for an argument!
I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
I've got a bad feeling about this.
I've got a devil in me.
I've got a very bad feeling about this.
I've never been associated with a loss. I don't know what it feels like, and I don't want to find out. - Guy R. Odom (1931- )^U.S. Home
I've never been hurt by anything I didn't say.
I've only got twelve cards.
Idealism increases in proportion to the distance from the problem.
Idealism rather than dollar-chasing is the motivating force behind big business in the United States. - Charles Schwab (1862-1939)
Identify your visitor.
Idleness is leisure gone to seed.
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
If America is to be civilized, it must be done (at least for the present) by the business class. - Alfred North Whitehead
If a guy tells me the probability of failure is 1 in 10E5, I know he's full of crap. - Richard P. Feynmann, "What Do You Care What Other People Think?"
If a man needs beef, he goes to a butcher; if he needs gold, he goes to a banker, if he needs a great deal of beef, he goes to a big butcher, if he requires a great deal of gold, he must go to a big banker and pay his price for it. - Grover Cleveland (1837-1908)
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
If a ruby falls in a puddle, it will not lose it's luster. - Malaysian Proverb
If a string has one end, it has another.
If a system doesn't have to be reliable, it can do anything else. - H. H. Williams
If a tool is put away when you're sure it won't be needed again, it will. Soon.
If all else fails...lower your standards.
If all men were brothers, would you want one to marry your sister? - is the title of a Theodore Sturgeon short story.
If all the world's a stage I want better lighting, script approval, and a percentage of the gross. - Anonymous
If all the year were playing holidays, to sport would be as tedious as to work. - Wm Shakespeare
If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
If anything can go wrong, it will.
If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.
If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
If at first you don't succeed, try something else.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it. - W. C. Fields
If at first you don't succeed, you'll get lots of advice.
If at first you don't succeed you're running about average. - M. H. Alderson
If Botticelli were alive today, he'd be working for Vogue. - Peter Ustinov
If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. - Gerald Weinberg
If computers take over (which seems to be their natural tendency), it will serve us right. - Alistair Cooke.
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane!
If everything is coming your way, your in the wrong lane.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
If God had intended man to have computers, he would have given him 16 fingers.
If God had wanted man to fly, He would have given him airline tickets.
If God had wanted man to go around nude, He would have given him bigger hands.
If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.
If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.
If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. - Albert Einstein
If I had to give a definition of capitalism I would say: the process whereby American girls turn into American women. - Christopher Hampton (1946- )^Savages, 1973
If I have not seen so far it is because I stood in giant's footsteps.
If I learned from my mistakes then I'd be a genius.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole.
If imprinted foil seal under cap is broken or missing when purchased, do not use.
If in doubt, make it sound convincing.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it. - Ronald Reagan
If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
If it happens, it must be possible.
If it is to be, it is up to me.
If it isn't broken, don't fix it.
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn well impossible.
If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
If it wasn't for time everything would happen at once.
If it wasn't so cool out today, it would be warmer.
If it wasn't so warm out today, it would be cooler.
If it works, don't fix it.
If it's a despot you would dethrone, see first that his throne erected within you is destroyed. - Kahlil Gibran, 1923
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
If life had a vomit meter, we'd be off the scale. - Joe Bob Briggs
If life is a bed of roses, then you must be one of the pricks. :)
If life is a bowl of cherries then what am I doing in the pits. - Erma Bombeck
If little else, the brain is an educational toy. - Tom Robbins
If looks could kill it would've been us instead of him!
If love was meant to be easy, everybody would be in it. - LJS
If Mohammed can't go to the mountain, then that's his problem.
If more than one person is responsible for a bug, no one is at fault.
If no one uses it, there's a reason.
If nobody measures up, check your yardstick.
If not controlled, work flows to the competent person until he is submerged.
If one does not fail at times, then one has not challenged himself. - Dr. Porsche
If one is forever cautious, can one remain a human being? - Solzhenitsyn
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank. - Woody Allen
If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation. - The Old Farmer's Almanac
If payment has been recently mailed, please disregard this notice. - Billing reminder, The Source Telecommunications Service
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect then why practice.
If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of PROGRESS? - Unknown
If Roosevelt were alive he'd turn in his grave - Attributed to Samuel Goldwyn
If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
If small sums do not go out, large sums will not come in. - Chinese proverb
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder. - Pope John Paul I
If something CAN go wrong, it WILL. - Murphy's Law
If something's not worth doing, it's not worth doing well.
If standards are not formulated systematically at the top, they will be formulated haphazardly and impulsively in the field. - John C. Biegler (1921- )^Price Waterhouse
If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it. - Stanley Garn
If the facts do not conform to your theory, they must be disposed of.
If the human mind were simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it. - Pat Bahn
If the income tax is the price we have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers. - Groucho Marx, Newsday
If the opposite of "pro" is "con", then what's the opposite of "progress"?
If the presence of electricity can be made visible in any part of a circuit, I see no reason why intelligence may not be transmitted instantaneously by electricity. - Samuel F. B. Morse
If there is no wind, row.
If they liked you, they didn't applaud - they just let you live. - Bob Hope
If things appear to be going well, you have overlooked something.
If this is a service economy, why is the service so bad?
If this is timesharing, give me my share right now.
If this were subjunctive, I'm in the wrong mood.
If time heals all wounds, why does the belly button stay the same?
If we can't fix it -- its broken!
If we can't fix it -- we'll fix it so nobody can. - B. Gibbons
If we could all hear one another's prayers, God might be relieved of some of his burden.
If we do not change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed.
If we do not change our direction we are likely to end up where we are headed.
If we do not succeed, then we face the risk of failure. - Dan Quayle, Vice-President of the United States
If we explode the atom bomb would they say that we were dumb. - Police
If we learn for each success, and each failure, and improve ourselves through this process, then, at the end, we will have fulfilled our potential and performed well. - Dr. Porsche
If we make peaceful revolution impossible, we make violent revolution inevitable. - John F. Kennedy
If we're gonna win, we have to play up to and beyond our potential. - Don Nelson
If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it. Quit work and play!
If you are what you eat, does that mean Euelle Gibbons really was a nut?
If you aren't going all the way, why go at all?
If you ask how much it is, you can't afford it.
If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable. - Will Rogers^Autobiography, 1949
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. - J. Paul Getty
If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live. - Lin Yutang
If you can't say something nice, say something surrealistic. - Zippy the Pinhead
If you cannot convince them, confuse them. - Harry S Truman
If you continually give you will continually have.
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
If you do everything, you'll win. - Lyndon Baines Johnson
If you do not change your direction, you may end where you are headed.
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
If you don't get it, you don't got it. - Shultz
If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else. - Laurence J. Peter
If you don't know where you are going you can never get lost.
If you don't relax, I'll break my fingers. Look at this. The only man in the world with clenched hair. - Neil Simon, The Odd Couple, 1966
If you don't say anything, you won't be called upon to repeat it. - Calvin Coolidge
If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything. - F. Jeff Stiles, Southern Baptist preacher
If you don't watch it, you're going to catch something.
If you fool around with something long enough, it will eventually break.
If you get angry at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich or famous or both.
If you get somebody to give you a dollar, they'll vote for you for the rest of their lives. - Hugh Parmer, Democratic candidate for the 1990 U.S. Senate, from Texas
If you give me six lines written by the most honest man, I will find something in them to hang him. - Cardinal de Richelieu
If you go and mow the lawn barefoot and cut your feet off, don't come running to me. - Mom
If you have no money, be polite. - Danish proverb
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
If you have nothing to say, please only say it once!
If you have too many special cases, you are doing it wrong. - Craig Zerouni, Computer FX Ltd.
If you itch for it, scratch for it.
If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
If you knew what Mona Lisa knew, you'd smile too.
If you lie to the computer, it will get you. - Perry Farrar
If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because very very few people die past the age of a hundred. - George Burns
If you look just close enough, you can see anything you want.
If you look like your passport photo, in all probability you need the journey. - Earl Wilson
If you love life, it will love you back.
If you love something set it free, if it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it!
If you make a mistake, you right it immediately to the best of your ability.
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
If you put your supper dish to your ear you can hear the sounds of a restaurant. - Snoopy
If you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.
If you see an onion ring... answer it.
If you should put even a little on a little, and should do this often, soon this too would become big. - Hesiod(c. 700 B.C.)^Works and Days
If you stay up all night wondering where the sun is, it will dawn on you.
If you suspect a man, don't employ him.
If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.
If you think education is expensive, you should try ignorance.
If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? - Richard M. Nixon
If you think this fortune is confusing, then change one pig.
If you think you have no faults, that makes one.
If you thought yesterday was bad, wait till you see what happens today.
If you took all the sincerity in Hollywood and put it in the navel of a fruit fly, you'd still have room for three carraway seeds and a producer's heart. - Fred Allen
If you treat people right they will treat you right; 90 per cent of the time.
If you try to please everyone, somebody is not going to like it.
If you want to cheer up, cheer up someone.
If you want to know everything about me, just look at the surface of my paintings, it's all there, there's nothing more. - Andy Warhol
If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother--in--law.
If you want to look young and thin, hand around old fat people. - Jim Eason
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
If you wish me to weep, you yourself must first be grief-stricken. - Horace^Epistles (Ars Poetica)
If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
If you would be loved, love and be lovable. - Susan S.
If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
If you would not be forgotten,^As soon as you are dead and rotten,^Either write things worth reading,^Or do things worth the writing. - Benjamin Franklin^Poor Richard's Almanack, 1738
If you're feeling good, don't worry; you'll get over it.
If you're not careful, you're going to catch something.
If you've got part of it, flaunt that part.
If you've seen one city slum, you've seen them all. - Spiro Agnew
If you've seen one Grand Canyon, you've seen them all. - a member of the Monkey Wrench Gang
If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all. - Ronald Reagan
If your aim in life is nothing; you can't miss.
If your bread is stale, make toast.
If your computer speaks English it was probably made in Japan.
If your feet smell and your nose runs, you were built upside down.
If your parents didn't have any children, there's a good chance you won't have any. - Clarence Day
Ignorance doesn't kill you, but it makes you sweat a lot. - Haitian Proverb
Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out.
Ignorance of the law is no excuse - I wasn't aware of that!
Ignorance transcends architecture. - James Gaskin
Ignore previous fortune.
Ignore previous fortune.
Ill ware is never cheap. Pleasing ware is half sold. - George Herbert (1593-1633)^Jacula Prudentum, 1651
Imagination is more important than knowledge. - Albert Einstein
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. - Jules de Gaultier
Imitation is the sincerest form of plagiarism.
Imitation is the sincerest form of plagiarism. - George Bernard Shaw
Immanuel Kant but Kubla Khan.
Immortality: A fate worse than death. - Edgar A. Shoaff
Imperialism is the monopoly stage of capitalism. - Vladimir llyich Lenin (1870-1924)^Imperialism, the Highest Stage of Capitalism
In a civilized society, it is the duty of all citizens to obey just laws. But at the same time, it is the duty of all citizens to disobey unjust laws. - Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, 1963
In a crisis, you will choose the worst possible course of action.
In a family argument, if it turns out you are right -- apologize at once!
In a fight between you and the world, back the world.
In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater confusion.
In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
In a museum in Havana there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus. . . one when he was a boy and one when he was a man. - Mark Twain
In any human endeavor, work seeks the lowest hierarchical level.
In business, everything depends on aid from heaven. - Talmud
In business the keeping close to the matter and not taking of it too much at once, procureth dispatch. - Francis Bacon (1561-1626)^Of Dispatch, 1597
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
In case of fire....yell "FIRE".
In charity there is no excess.
In computing, turning the obvious into the useful is a living definition of the word 'frustration'.
In every real man is a child hidden that wants to play. - Freidrich Nietzsche
In every trade and pursuit of life both the rich and the poor are to be found. - Talmud
In God we trust -- all others require a phase review.
In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.
In matters of conscience, the law of majority has not place. - Mohandas Gandhi
In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.
In my end is my beginning.
In my experience, if you have to keep the lavatory door shut by extending your left leg, it's modern architecture. - Nancy Banks Smith, Guardian, 1969
In my experience, the worst thing you can do to an important problem is discuss it. - Simon Gray (1936- )^Otherwised Engaged, 1975
In order to be, never try to seem.
In seeking the unattainable, simplicity only gets in the way.
In software systems it is often the early bird that makes the worm.
In space, no one can hear you fart.
In the ad biz, sincerity is a commodity bought and paid for like everything else. - Newsweek 1967
In the factory we make cosmetics. In the store we sell hope. - Charles Revson (1906-1975)^Revlon
In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes. - Andy Warhol
In the future, you're going to get computers as prizes in breakfast cereals. You'll throw them out because your house will be littered with them. - Robert Lucky
In the future everyone will be world-famous for fifteen minutes. - Andy Warhol
In the matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing. - Oscar Wilde
In the pitiful, multipage, connection-boxed form to which the flowchart has today been elaborated, it has proved to be useless as a design tool -- programmers draw flowcharts after, not before, writing the programs they describe. - Fred Brooks, Jr.
In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true. - John Lilly
In the realm of scientific observation, luck is granted only to those who are prepared. - Louis Pasteur
In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.
In the state of nature profit is the measure of right. - Thomas Hobbes (1588 1679)^Philosophical Rudiments Concerning Government and Society, 1651
In the United States, doing good has come to be, like patriotism, a favorite device of persons with something to sell. - H. L. Mencken
In the United States there is more space where nobody is than where anybody is.^That is what makes America what it is. - Gertrude Stein, The Geographical History of America, 1936
In this fortune, the concluding three words 'were left out'.
In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these. - Paul Harvey
In two words: Im-possible. - Samuel Goldwyn (1882-1974)^In Johnston, The Great Goldwyn, 1937
In which level of metalanguage are you now speaking?
Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence.
Indecision is the key to flexibility. - Author Unknown
Individualists: Unite!
Inferiority complex: a conviction by a jury of your fears. - anon
Infinity is just time on an ego trip. - Lily Tomlin
Information is the inverse of entropy.
Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.
Ingres is not a necessary precursor to Egress.
Insert your card magnetic stripe down.
Inside every big problem is a small problem trying to get out.
Inside every large problem, there is a small problem trying to get out.
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
Institute: An archaic school where football in not taught.
Insurance, n. An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table. - Ambrose Bierce^The Devil's Dictionary
Integrity has no need for rules.
Interchangeable parts... don't.
Interest works night and day, in fair weather and foul. It gnaws at a man's substance with invisible teeth. - Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887)^Proverbs from Plymouth Pulpit, 1887
Internal consistency is more highly valued than efficiency.
Internal consistency is valued more than efficient service.
IOT trap -- core dumped
Irregardless of that, my skepticism runneth over. - George Grayson
Is a computer language with goto's totally Wirth-less?
Is it a game of chance? Not the way I play it.
Is knowledge knowable, and how do we know?
Is Moby-Dick the whale or the man? - Harold Ross (1892-1951)^The New Yorker
Is the US ready for self-government? - Graffito, New York, 1971
Is there anything in the Universe more beautiful and protective than the simple complexity of a spider's web. - Charlotte (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
Is this a machine? I don't talk to machines! [Click]
Is this bullshit or fertilizer? - Author Unknown
Is this really happening?
Is this the sort of advice you're looking for?--"Make money. Make it, if you can, fair and square. If not, make it anyway." - Horace (65-8 B.C.) Epistles, c. 20 B.C.
It could be worse--it might be raining.
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar
It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg. - Thomas Jefferson
It is a common observation that any fool can get money; but they are not wise that think so. - Charles Caleb Colton (1780-1832)^Lacon, 1820
It is a foolish thing to make a long prologue, and to be short in the story itself. - Bible: II Meccabees 2:32
It is a great art to know how to sell wind. - Baltasar Gracian (1601-1658)
It is a great help for a man to be in love with himself. For an actor, however, it is absolutely essential. - Robert Morley, Playboy, 1979
It is a hard matter, my fellow citizens, to argue with the belly, since it has no ears. - Cato the Elder (234-149 B.C.)
It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
It is a rather pleasant experience to be alone in a bank at night. - Willie Sutton
It is a wise father that knows his own child.
It is always darkest before it goes totally black. - Sting
It is always the partner's fault.
It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.
It is annoying to be honest to no purpose. - Ovid Ex ponto
It is bad luck to be superstitious. - Andrew W. Mathis
It is best to read the weather forecast before we pray for rain. - Mark Twain^Notebook
It is better that a man should tyrannize over his bank balance than over his fellow citizens. - John Maynard Keynes (1883-1946)^The General Theory of Employment,^Interest and Money, 1936
It is better to be deceived by a friend, than to suspect him.
It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not. - Andre Guide
It is better to be wise then to be smart.
It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it.
It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
It is better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.
It is better to have loved and lost -- much better.
It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
It is better to have loved and lost than to have hated and won.
It is better to have men ask why you have no statue, than why you have one.
It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark.
It is better to never have tried anything than to have tried something and failed. - motto of jerks, weenies and losers everywhere
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. - Mark Twain^More Tramps Abroad
It is clear that the individual who persecutes a man, his brother, because he is not of the same opinion, is a monster. - Voltaire
It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something. - Franklin D. Roosevelt
It is curious -- curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare. - Mark Twain^Mark Twain in Eruption
It is difference of opinion that makes horse races. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
It is difficult but not impossible to conduct strictly honest business. What is true is that honesty is incompatible with the amassing of a large fortune. - Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948)^Non-Violence in Peace and War, 1948
It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it. - Upton Sinclair (1878-1968)
It is difficult to prophesy, especially about the future.
It is difficult to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys.
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.
It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
It is easier to stay out than to get out. - Mark Twain^Following the Equator, 1897
It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
It is Fortune, not Wisdom, that rules man's life.
It is far better to be deceived than to be undeceived by those we love.
It is hard to fly with the eagles When you work with the turkeys.
It is hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
It is important that I don't get too knowledgeable about the past. - Wallace Booth (1922- )^United Brands On taking over as president, 1975
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.
It is impossible to get anywhere without sinning against reason. - Einstein
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.
It is later than you think.
It is morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
It is more important that a proposition be interesting than that it be true. - Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947)^Adventures of Ideas, 1933
It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem.
It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.
It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody. - Richard M. Nixon
It is no sin to sell dear, but a sin to give ill measure. - James Kelly^Scottish Proverbs, 1721
It is not best to swap horses while crossing the river. - Abraham Lincoln
It is not by any means certain that a man's business is the most important thing he has to do. - Robert Louis Stevenson (1851-1894)
It is not down in any map; true places never are. - Herman Melville
It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well. - Descartes
It is not every question that deserves an answer.
It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do for which we are accountable. - Moliere
It is not well to be thought of as one who meekly submits to insolence and intimidation.
It is now pitch dark. If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
It is now proven beyond doubt that smoking is the leading cause of statistics. - F. Knebel
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances.
It is only the shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891
It is rare for businessmen to look upon their civic duties as important. - Harold Laski (1893-1950)
It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year. - Tom Lehrer
It is surely a great calamity for a human being to have no obsessions. - Robert Bly
It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.
It is the business of the future to be dangerous. - Hawkwind
It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C. - A.D. 65)
It is the wise bird that builds its nest in a tree.
It is this simplicity that makes the uneducated more effective than the educated when addressing popular audiences. - Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)^Rhetoric
It is true that you may fool all the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can't fool all of the people all of the time. - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)^To a caller at the White House
It is well known what a middleman is: he is a man who bamboozles one party and plunders the other. - Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)^Speech, 11 April 1845
It is when I struggle to be brief that I became obscure. - Horace^Epistles (Ars Poetica)
It is wrong always, everywhere and for everyone to believe anything upon insufficient evidence. - W. K. Clifford, British philosopher, circa 1876
It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.
It is your destiny. - Darth Vader
It isn't easy being a fat narcissist. - Jackie Gleason
It isn't the whistle that moves the train.
It just goes to show you, its always something.
It makes no difference what is it, a woman will buy anything she thinks a store is losing money on. - Frank McKinney (Kin) Hubbard (1968-1930)
It may soon be time for you to look for a new line of work.
It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
It often happens that worthless people are merely people who are worth knowing. - Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)
It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
It pays to remember your social obligations. If you don't go to other people's funerals, they won't go to yours.
It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.
It takes a long time to understand nothing. - Edward Dahlberg
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile Be yourself no matter what they say. - Sting
It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are.
It takes both a weapon, and two people, to commit a murder.
It takes two to make a bargain. - English proverb
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give up because by that time I was too famous.
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. - Mark Twain
It very seldom happens to a man that his business is his pleasure. - Samuel Johnson
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
It was always thus; and even if 'twere not, 'twould inevitably have been always thus. - Dean Lattimer
It was pity stayed his hand. "Pity I don't have any more bullets," thought Frito. - "Bored of the Rings", a Harvard Lampoon parody of Tolkein
It won't work.
It works better if you plug it in.
It'll be just like Beggars Canyon back home.
It's a bad bargain where nobody gains. - English proverb
It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for. - Will Rogers
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
It's all in the mind, ya know.
It's always easy to see both sides of an issue we are not particularly concerned about.
It's amazing how much mature wisdom resembles being too tired.
It's better to be silent and thought a fool than speak and remove all doubt. - Abraham Lincoln
It's better to burn out than to fade away.
It's better to get mugged than to live a life of fear. - Freeman Dyson
It's clever, but is it art?
It's currently a problem of access to gigabits through punybaud. - J. C. R. Licklider
It's easier to do good then be good.
It's easy to suggest the solution when you don't know the problem.
It's funny. You come some place new and everything looks the same.
It's gonna be a long hard drag, but we'll make it. - Janis Joplin
It's great to be smart 'cause then you know stuff.
It's hard to be humble when you are so perfect.
It's hard to be humble when you're perfect.
It's hard to fly with eagles when you work with turkeys.
It's Just One of Those Days - Weird Al
It's later than you think.
It's more than magnificent--it's mediocre. - Attributed to Samuel Goldwyn
It's name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God. - Mark Twain^Europe and Elsewhere
It's noble to be good, and it's nobler to teach others to be good, and less trouble. - Mark Twain^"Remarks at the Opening of the Mark Twain Library"
It's not easy having a good time; even smiling makes my face ache.
It's not even a nice place to visit. - Fodor's Guide to Perv (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
It's not nice to fool Mother Nature.
It's not often that you get so much class entertainment outside your bedroom window or outside your bedroom, period. - Groucho Marx
It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
It's only impossible 'til it's not. - Jean-Luc Picard (from Star Trek: The Next Generation)
It's really upsetting. You give your life for a company, and this is what happens. - Anonymous clothing buyer, March 17, 1992^Emporium department store^a division of Carter Hawley Hale Stores Inc.
It's running like a scalded dog!
It's six o'clock and time for the penguin on top of your terminal to explode.
It's smart to pick your friends -- but not your nose.
It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
It's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an'^'Chuck 'im out, the brute!'^But it's 'Saviour of 'is country' when the^guns begin to shoot. - Rudyard Kipling, 'Tommy', A Choice of Kipling's Verse, 1941
It's the nexus of the crisis and the origins of the storm. Queenly flux, external light, or light that never warms... - Blue Oyster Cult
Italians do it better!
Its hard to be graceful getting off your high horse.
Its not the size of the ship, its the size of the waves. - Little Richard
interlard - vt., to intersperse; diversify - Webster's New World Dictionary Of The American Language
Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was human nature.
Jargon is used as a means of succeeding by not simplifying.
JESUS SAVES, but Clones 'R' Us makes backups! - William Lewis (wiml@blake.acs.Washington.edu)
Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
Jealousy...all the fun you think they have.
Jesus saves sinners... and redeems them for valuable cash prizes! - John Wichers (wichers@husc4.HARVARD.EDU)
Jimmy Hoffa--please call home.
John Milton^Never stayed in a Hilton^Hotel,^Which was just as well. - W. H. Auden (1907-1973)^Academic Graffiti, 1972
Jones' Motto: Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Journalism largely consists in saying "Lord Jones Dead" to people who never knew Lord Jones was alive. - G. K. Chesterson^The Wisdom of Father Brown, 1914
Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you're at it.
Judge people by what they are, not where they are.
Just as there is nothing between the admirable omelette and the intolerable, so with autobiography. - Hilaire Belloc
Just as they are.
Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. - Southern California Oracle
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're NOT trying to get you. - Anonymous
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.
Just because your paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you.
Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours.
Just remember wherever you go there you are. - B. B.
Just think, IBM and DEC in the same room, and we did it. - Ken Thompson, quoted by Dennis Ritchie
Just to have it is enough.
Just when you think your winning the rat race, along come faster rats.
Justice is incidental to law and order. - J. Edgar Hoover
Justice: A decision in your favor.
Karl's version of Parkinson's Law: Work expands to exceed the time allotted it.
Keep America Beautiful.... emigrate.
Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans.
Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.
Keep grandmothers off the streets -- legalize bingo.
Keep your mouth shut and people will think you stupid;^Open it and you remove all doubt.
Keep your temper. Do not quarrel with an angry person, but give him a soft answer. It is commanded by the Holy Writ and, furthermore, it makes him madder than anything else you could say. - Anon., Reader's Digest, 1949
Keep your words soft and sweet, in case you have to eat them.
Ketterling's Law:^^Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
Kill Ugly Processor Architectures - Karl Lehenbauer
Kill Ugly Radio - Frank Zappa
Kin: An affliction of the blood.
Kindness is like a boomarang--it always comes back.
Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o'Sunday.
Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.
Kitman's Law: Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel.
Kix are for trids.
Klaatu barada nikto.
Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.
Knowing when to optimize is as important as knowing how. - Tom Neff
Koala Triangle: a mysterious zone in the Southern Hemisphere where persons of talent disappear without trace. - Barry Humphries, glossary from A Nice Night's Entertainment, 1981
La vache qui rit est jolie. (Laughing cows are pretty.)
Labor, n. One of the processes by which A acquires property for B. - Ambrose Bierce^The Devil's Dictionary
Labor under automation must be considered a capital resource with wage costs being treated virtually as fixed costs. - Peter F. Drucker^America's Next Twenty Years, 1955
Lack of skill dictates economy of style. - Joey Ramone
Laetrile is the pits.
Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.
Last night at twelve, I felt immense, but now I feel like fifty cents.
Last week I couldn't even spell engineer, now I are one.
Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either.
Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Laugh when you can; cry when you must.
Laughter lub's lifes engine.
Laughter... the no side effect tranquilizer.
Laundry increases exponentially in the number of children. - Miriam Robbins
Law of Communications: The result of improved and enlarged communications is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.
Law stands mute in the midst of arms.
Lawrence Radiation Laboratory keeps all its data in an old gray trunk.
Lawsuit, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce^The Devil's Dictionary
Lawyers work in their briefs.
Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself.
Lead on, MacDuff!
Leakproof seals... do.
Learn to pause--or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
Learning isn't a means to an end; it is an end in itself. - Robert A. Heinlein
Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.
Leave no stone unturned.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Lemon curry ?!?
Lend less than thou owest. - William Shakespeare^King Lear, 1605-1606
Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
Lesser artists borrow, great artists steal. - Igor Stravinsky
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
Let every man divide his money into three parts, and invest a third in land, a third in business, and a third let him keep in reserve. - Talmud
Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Let him that would move the world, first move himself. - Socrates
Let me have no Iying: it becomes none but tradesmen. - William Shakespeare^The Winter's Tale. 1610-1611
Let me play with it first and I'll tell you what it is later. - Miles Davis
Let me see what happen when you roll your face on the keyboard.
Let me take you a buttonhole lower.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Let the machine do the dirty work.
Let thy speech be short, comprehending much is few words. - Bible: Ecclesiasticus 32:8
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar
Let us keep a firm grip upon our money, for without it the whole assembly of virtues are but as blades of grass. - Bhartrihari (Seventh century)^Nita Sataka
Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.
Let's do it. - Gary Gilmore
Let's do the Time Warp again!
Let's go get a pizza!
Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again.
LISP: To call a spade a thpade.
Liar: One who tells an unpleasant truth.
Lie: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
Life and liberty are safe only when congress is in recess.
Life has a value only when it has something valuable as its object. - Hegel
Life in the state of nature is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short. - Thomas Hobbes, Leviathan
Life is a banquet and most poor son of a bitches are starving out there... So Live! - Auntie Mame
Life is a game of bridge -- and you've just been finessed.
Life is a game. Money is how we keep score. - Ted Turner
Life is a horse, either you ride it or it rides you.
Life is a process, not a principle, a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved. - Gerard Straub, television producer and author (stolen from Frank Herbert??)
Life is a rotten job and the hours are a bitch.
Life is a series of rude awakenings. - R. Van Winkle (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
Life is an illusion and reality is a figment of the imagination. - The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
Life is full of concepts that are poorly defined. In fact, there are very few concepts that aren't. It's hard to think of any in non-technical fields. - Daniel Kimberg
Life is just a party and party weren't meant to last. - Prince
Life is just one thing after another.
Life is like a diaper -- short and loaded.
Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find there is nothing in it.
Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by day, in all the thousand, small, uncaring ways. - Stephen V. Benet
Life is not one thing after another...^^it's the same damn thing over and over!
Life is one long struggle in the dark.
Life is only understood backward, but must be lived forward.
Life is that brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
Life is to be enjoyed and if it is not, it makes people ill in one way or another. - Louise Bogan
Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
Life is too ridiculous for words!!! - A. D.
Life is very nice, but it lacks form. It's the aim of art to give it some. - Jean Anouilh, The Rehearsal, 1950
Life is wasted on the living. - Zaphod Beeblebrox IV
Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.
Life itself is a race, marked by a start, and a finish. It is what we learn during the race, and how we apply it, that determines whether our participation has had particular value. - Dr. Porsche
Life without industry is guilt, industry without art is brutality. - John Ruskin^Lectures on Art, 1870
Life's a beach and then you drown.
Life's a bitch and then you die.
Life's a bitch and then you marry one.
Life's the same, except for the shoes. - The Cars
Life. Don't talk to me about life. - Marvin the Paranoid Android
Light at the end of the tunnel? look out for that train.
Like Heav'n, it hears the orphans' cries, And wipes the tears from widows' eyes. - John Gay (1688-1732) Fables, 1727^Of money
Like the ski resort full of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem. - Alan McKay
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
Listen to that! Eighty thousand football fans and not one of them is making a sound! - Broadcast of NFC football game
Live Free or Live in Massachusetts.
Live free or die.
Live in the past and future only.
Live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so. - Josh Billings
Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. - Josh Billings
LOGIN PROCEEDING. LOGIN PROCEEDING.
Loafer-- someone trying to make two weekends meet.
Loan someone a sympathetic ear.
Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells AWFUL.
Lonely is a man without love.
Long computations which yield zero are probably all for naught.
Long life is in store for you.
Look, Muth tracks!
Look, sir! 'droids!
Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
Look after the molehills and the mountains will take care of themselves.
Look ere ye leap.
Look under the sofa cushion; you will be surprised at what you find.
Loosen up, baby, I'm in love with you. - Robert Plant, Now And Zen
Lord, give me Chastity -- but not yet. - Saint Augustine
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
Lord Falkland's Rule: When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.
Lose weight--eat stuff you hate.
Lose weight--put a scale in front of the 'frig.
Losing is the great American sin. - John Tunis, quoted in the New York Times, 1977
Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
Lost time is never found again.
Love and pain only for the foolish, once again try to hide what's there inside. - P. Benatar
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to love.
Love is a angel disguised as lust. - Bruce Springstein
Love is a matter of chemistry, but Sex is a matter of physics.
Love is always having to say I'm sorry. - Bob Irwin (birwin@ficc.ferranti.com)
Love is in the offing, said the homicidal maniac.
Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to one who adores you.
Love is sentimental measles.
Love of money is the disease which makes men most groveling and pitiful. - Longinus (First century)
Love the sea? I dote upon it -- from the beach.
Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first!
Love thy neighbor. Tune thy piano.
Love will find a way if you want it to. - Yes
Love yields to business. If you seek a way out of love, be busy; you'll be safe then. - Ovid (43 B.C.-A.D. c.18) Remedia amoris
Love. . . She is Blind, No? - Pep_ LePew
Loyalty to petrified opinion never broke a chain or freed a human soul. - Mark Twain
Lt. Uhura says:Subspace Communications-^It's the next best thing to beaming there!
Lucky is he for whom the belle toils.
Lunatic Asylum:^^The place where optimism most flourishes.
MAC user's dynamic debugging list evaluator? Never heard of that.
Machines should work; people should think.
Machines take me by surprise with great frequency. - Alan Turing
Mad at your neighbor? Buy his kid a drum!
Mad: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence
Make a living, but make room for life.
Make a wish, it might come true.
Make every bargain clear and plain, That none may afterward complain. - John Ray (1627-1705)^English Proverbs, 1670
Make input easy to proofread
Make it right before you make it faster.
Make moderate use of gains: when all is cost, What took a long time to get is quickly lost. - Attributed to Cato the Elder^Disticha, c. 175 B.C.
Make sure all variables are initialized before use.
Make sure comments and code agree.
Make sure your code "does nothing" gracefully.
Make the most of the best and the least of the worst.
Make three consecutive correct guesses and you will be considered an expert.
Man and wife make one fool.
Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. - Oscar Wilde
Man is by nature a political animal.
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar
Man is what he believes. - Anton Chekhov
Man who bites bread or eats peas with knife is lost creature.
Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
Man will never fly. Space travel is merely a dream. All aspirin is alike.
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much.
Managing senior programmers is like herding cats. - Dave Platt
Many a family tree needs trimming.
Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)^A Connecticut Yankee at King Arthur's Court, 1889
Many a yo--yo think he have the world on a string.
Many alligators will be slain, but the swamp will remain.
Many are called, few are chosen. Fewer still get to do the choosing.
Many are called, few volunteer.
Many are cold, but few are frozen.
Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.
Many hands make light work.
Many pages make a crowded castle.
Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket bibles on very thin paper.
Many pages make a thick book.
Many people are unenthusiastic about your work.
Many receive advice, few profit by it.
Manyesmale maken a greet. - Geoffrey Chaucer (c. 1343-1400)^Parson's Tale, Canterbury Tales
Marijuana won't help an asshole. He can smoke it and... he'll still be an asshole. - Willie Nelson
Marriage Ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family. - O. C. Ogilvie
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. - Voltaire
Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on earth.
Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them.
Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.
Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!
Mathematicians practice absolute freedom.
Mathematicians stand on each other's shoulder, Computer Scientists stand on each other's toes. - someone on the net (please email attribution), about look&feel lawsuits
Mathematics is the language God used to write the universe.
Matrimony is the root of all evil.
Mature software: code old enough that for every bug fixed, one or more new bugs are created. - Karl Lehenbauer
Mausoleum: The final and funniest folly of the rich. - Ambrose Bierce
Max, as a unary function, isn't very interesting.
May all your hang-ups be drip-dry.
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
May you live in uninteresting times.
May you never live to see your wife a widow.
Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.
Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius. - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Meditation is not what you think.
Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while. - Ambrose Bierce
Memories of you remind me of you. - Karl Lehenbauer
Memory Allocation Error - Crosstalk Mark IV
Memory serves wise commanders. - Tz'u-hsi, 638 AD
Memory should be the starting point of the present.
Memory: what wonders it performs in preserving and storing up things gone by or rather, things that are! - Plutarch
Men have many faults, Women only two: Everything they say, And everything they do!
Men have many faults, women only two, all they say & all they do.
Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.
Men now worship gold to the neglect of the gods. By gold good faith is banished and justice is sold. - Propertius (54 B.C.-A.D. 2) Elegies
Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.
Mention money and the whole world is silent. - German proverb
Menu: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
Mercantile morality is really nothing but a refinement of piratical morality. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900)^Thus Spake Zarathustra, 1883-1891
Merchandising reached its apogee in the Lux advertisements which portrayed two articles of lingerie discussing their wearers' effluvia, for all the world like rival stamp collectors. - S. J. Perelman (1904-1979)
Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
Microwaves frizz your heir.
Middle Age:^Halfway between adolescence and obsolescence!
Midwest farmers are just plain folks.
Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. - Groucho Marx
Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. - D. P. Barron
Mind your own business, Spock. I'm sick of your half-breed interference.
Mind your own business, Mr. Spock. I'm sick of your halfbreed interference.
Minds are like parachutes... they only work when they're open.
Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images. - Jean Cocteau
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
Misery no longer loves company; nowadays it insists on it.
Misfortune.
Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.
Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
MOUNT TAPE U1439 ON B3, NO RING
Mobius strippers never show you their back side.
Moderation in all things, and moderation is the first to go.
Moderation in all things.
Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
Monday: In Christian countries, the day after the football game.
Money, th' only power That all mankind falls down before. - Samuel Butler (1612-1680)^Hudibras, 1678
Money alone sets the world in motion. - Publilius Syrus (First century B.C.)^Sententiae
Money begets money. - John Ray (1627-1705)^English Proverbs, 1678
Money cannot buy love, nor even friendship.
Money entails duties. How shall we get the money and forget the duties? Voila the great problem! - Edward Carpenter (1844-1929)^England's Ideal, 1887
Money for which no receipt has been taken is not to be included in the accounts. - The Code of Hammurabi, c. 2000 B.C.
Money has no ears, but it hears.^Money has no legs, but it runs. - Japanese proverb
Money is a good servant but a bad master. - Henry George Bohn (1796-1884)^Handbook of Proverbs, 1855
Money is a new form of slavery, and distinguishable from the old simply by the fact that it is impersonal--that there is no human relation between master and slave. - Leo Tolstoi (1828-1910)^What Shall We Do?, 1891
Money is always on the brain so long as there is a brain in reasonable order. - Samuel Butler (1835-1902)^Notebooks, 1912
Money is flat and meant to be piled up. - Scottish proverb
Money is indeed the most important thing in the world; and all sound and successful personal and national morality should have this fact for its basis. - George Bernard Shaw^The Irrational Knot, 1905
Money is life to us wretched mortals. - Hesiod (c. 700 B.C.)^Works and Days
Money is like a promise, easier made then kept.
Money is like muck, not good except it be spread. - Francis Bacon (1561-1626)^Of Seditions and Troubles, 1625
Money is more eloquent than a dozen members of parliament. - Danish proverb
Money is of a prolific generating nature. Money can beget money, and its offspring can beget more. - Benjamin Franklin^Letters: To My Friend, A. B., 1748
Money is the best messenger. - Yiddish proverb
Money is the man. - German proverb
Money is the root of all evil, and everyone needs roots.
Money is the root of all evil, but man needs roots.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Money is the sinews of success. - Bion(c. 325-c. 255 B.C.)
Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.
Money makes everything legitimate -- even bastards. - Hebrew proverb
Money makes the mare go. - English proverb
Money makes up in a measure all other wants in men. - William Wycherley (c. 1640-1716)^The Country Wife, 1675
Money may buy friendship but money can not buy love.
Money never cometh out of season. - Thomas Drake (?-1618)^Pibliotheca scholastica instructissima, 1616
Money purifies all baseness. - Talmud
Money talks. - English proverb
Money talks...but all mine keeps saying is "goodbye"
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover in years. - Henry Fielding (1707-1754)^The Miser, 1733
Monopoly is business at the end of its journey. - Henry Demarest Lloyd
Monotheism is a gift from the gods.
Moral: Design before you implement.
Morality is a disease which progresses in three stages: virtue-boredom-syphilis. - Karl Kraus
More people have died in Teddy Kennedy's car than in nuclear power plants.
Moses supposes his toeses are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously.
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. - Abe Lincoln
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation . . . ^Film at eleven. - Reuven Frank
Most of the people who are writing advertising today have never had to sell anything to anybody. They've never seen a consumer. - David Ogilvy (1911- )^Ogilvy & Mather
Most of us have been at work for several hours now.
Most people raise their voice rather then reinforcing their point.
Mother Earth is not flat!
Mother gonna help to build the wall. - Pink Floyd
Mr. Cole's Axiom:^^The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Mrs. Ghandi is in a sari state.
Multics is security spelled sideways.
Mum's the word.
Mumble.
Murphy was an optimist.
Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.
Music is a higher revelation than philosophy. - Beethoven^December 16, 1770
Musicians are just playin' folks.
Must I hold a candle to my shames?
My Biscuits are Burnin'! - Yosemite Sam
My brain hurts!
My brother sent me a postcard the other day with this big satellite photo of the entire earth on it. On the back it said: "Wish you were here". - Steven Wright
My components are indiscreet.
My computer can beat up your computer. - Karl Lehenbauer
My computer puts out.
My cup hath runneth'd over with love.
My dear boy, forget about the motivation. Just say the lines and don't trip over the furniture. - Noel Coward,^to an actor in his Nude with a Violin on Broadway,^1957 (Attrib.)
My dog has no nose.
My family history begins with me, but yours ends with you.
My father is a bastard^My ma's an S.O.B.^My grandpa's always plastered,^My grandma pushes tea.^My sister wears a moustache,^My brother wears a dress.^Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a^mess. - Stephen Sondheim, 'Gee, Officer Krupke',^song from West Side Story, 1957
My father told me, 'If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well'. That's why to this date, I haven't done anything.
My foolish parents taught me to read and write.
My God, Thiokol, when do you want me to launch? Next April? - L. Mulloy
My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.
My Karma ran over my dogma.
My logic has drowned in a sea of emotion. - Sting
My mother is a fish. - William Faulkner
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if i had been one. - Groucho Marx
My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's. - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)^Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind. - Albert Einstein
My sad conviction is that people can only agree about what they're not really interested in. - Bertrand Russell, New Statesman, 1939
My specialty is being right when other people are wrong. - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)^You Never Can Tell, 1898
miracle: an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment. - Webster's Dictionary
NASA Announces New Deck Chair Arrangement For Space Station Titanic. - Tom Neff
NASA Awards Acronym Generation System (AGS) Contract For Space Station Freedom - Tom Neff
Nanu nanu!
National security is in your hands -- guard it well.
Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.
Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter.
Nature abhors a vacuum. - Baruch Spinoza (1632-1677)^Ethics, 1677
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Nature loves a vacuum. Digital doesn't. - DEC sales letter
Necessity has no law.
Necessity is the mother of invention.
Neestiko arkoudi dhen horevee.
Negative expectations yield negative results.
Neither spread the germs of gossip nor encourage others to do so.
Net--the biggest word in the language of business. - Herbert Casson
Neuroses are red,^Melancholia's blue.
Neurotic: Self-taut person. - Author Unknown
Neutrinos are into physicists.
Neutrinos have bad breadth.
Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
Never appeal to a man's "better nature". He may not have one.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
Never argue with anyone who buys ink by the gallon.
Never ask a question unless the answer makes a difference.
Never ask of money spent^Where the spender thinks it went.^Nobody was ever meant^To remember or invent^What he did with every cent. - Robert Frost,^ 'The Hardship of Accounting'
Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.
Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
Never drink from your finger bowl--it contains only water.
Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never play cards with a man named Doc. And never lay down with a woman who's got more troubles than you. - Nelson Algren, What Every Young Man Should Know
Never eat in a place with sliding doors unless you're crazy about raw fish.
Never give a gun to ducks.
Never give a sucker an even break. - Edward F. Albee (1857-1930)^[W. C. Fields made this remark famous.]
Never give an inch!
Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.
Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.
Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting. - Billy Rose
Never leave anything to chance;^make sure all your crimes are premeditated.
Never let your feet run faster than your shoes.
Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
Never lie unless you have an awfully good memory.
Never make anything foolproof. Fools are too ingenious. - Anonymous
Never play cards with a man called Doc.
Never play cards with a man named Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Never promise more than you can perform.
Never put anything on paper, my boy, and never trust a man with a small black moustache. - P. G. Wodehouse, Cocktail Time 1958
Never put off to tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
Never put off until run time what you can do at compile time. - David Gries, in "Compiler Construction for Digital Computers", circa 1969.
Never replace a successful experiment.
Never say anything more predictive than "Watch this!"
Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him.
Never slap a child in the face--there are plenty of places.
Never sleep with anyone whose troubles are worse than your own.
Never take a drink when you are feeling sorry for yourself.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Never throw a bird at a dragon.
Never try to catch two frogs with one hand. - Chinese Proverb
Never try to outstubborn a cat. - Lazarus Long
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and bothers the pig.
Never underestimate a woman.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a nuclear bomb.
New UNIX/TS manuals available in 2F--101.
New York is not the cultural center of America, but the business and administrative center of American culture. - Saul Bellow (1915- )^Radio interview, Listener, 22 May 1969
New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you. - David Letterman
Next time, give "the gift that keeps on giving": a female kitten.
Next to the writer of real estate advertisements, the auto-biographer is the most suspect of prose artists. - Donal Henahan, New York Times, 1977
Next Wednesday you will be presented with a great opportunity.
Nice guys get sick.
Nietzsche is pietzsche, Goethe is murder.
Nihilism doesn't exist.
Nihilism should commence with oneself.
Nip it in the Bud. Nip it -- Nip it, Nip it NIP IT! - Barney Fife
NOWPRINT. NOWPRINT. Clemclone, back to the shadows again. - The Firesign Theater
No, I don't know his telephone number. But it was up in the high numbers. - Attributed to John Maynard Keynes
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
No analysis is a complete failure -- it can always serve as a bad example.
No bargain without wine. - Latin saying
No directory.
No experiment is reproducible.
No farting in the car. - Keychain
No generalization is true -- not even this one.
No good deed goes unpunished.
No grass grows in the marketplace. - Henry George Bohn (1796-1884)^Handbook of Proverbs, 1855
No great loss but some small profit. - John Ray (1627-1705)^English Proverbs, 1670
No it isn't!
No man ever had enough money. - Gypsy proverb
No man is rich enough to buy back his past.
No matter how hard you throw a dead fish into the water, it still won't swim. - Marian Stevens
No matter how you slice it, it's still baloney. - Attributed to Rube Goldberg (1883-1870)
No matter what occurs, someone believes it happened according to his pet theory
No mountain is so high that an ass loaded with gold cannot climb it. - Spanish proverb
No one becomes depraved in a moment.
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
No one can get ahead of you when they're kicking you in the rear.
No one can put you down without your full cooperation.
No one ever listened himself out of a job. - Calvin Coolidge
No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people. - Attributed to H. L. Mencken^[Also quoted as: ...underestimating the taste...]
No one ever went broke underestimating the taste or intelligence of the American people. - H. L. Mencken
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!
No one is willing to acknowledge a fault in himself when a more agreeable motive can be found for the estrangement of his acquaintances. - Mark Twain^The Gilded Age
No one knows what he can do till he tries.
No one regards what is before his feet; we all gaze at the stars.
No one tests the depth of a river with both feet. - Ashanti proverb
No one within an organization really knows what's going on.
No poems can please nor live long that are written by water drinkers.
No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.
No problem is so formidable that you just can't walk away from it.
No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
No problem is too big it can't be run away from - Linus
No sentence fragments.
No sooner said than done--so acts your man of worth.
No user-serviceable parts inside. Refer to qualified service personnel.
No wife of *mine* is doing any dishes. That's what we had the kid for. - from Deathlok comics #1
No writer's life understands that he's working when he's staring out the window
Nobel Prize money is a lifebelt thrown to a swimmer who has already reached the shore in safety. - George Bernard Shaw (Attrib.)
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it. - Tallulah Bankhead
Nobody can give you freedom. - Malcolm X
Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet. - K. Hubbard
Nobody ever ruined their eyesight by looking at the bright side of something.
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little. - Edmund Burke
Nobody talks more of free enterprise and competition and of the best man winning than the man who inherited his father's store or farm. - C. Wright Mills (1916-1962)
Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with constructive praise.
Nodding the head does not row the boat. - Irish Proverb
Noncombatant: A dead Quaker. - Ambrose Bierce
None love the bearer of bad news. - Sophocles
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Not all who own a harp are harpers.
Not every question deserves an answer. - Puvlilius Syrus^Senentiae
Not now, Kato.
Not one tenth of us who are in business are doing as well as we could if we merely followed the principles that were known to our grandfathers. - William Feather
Not only does God play dice with the universe, but sometimes he throws them where they cannot be seen. - Stephen Hawking
Not only is the Universe stranger than we think, it is stranger than we can think. - Werner Heisenberg
Nothin' ain't worth nothin', but it's free.
Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
Nothing computes anymore.
Nothing endures but change.
Nothing ever becomes real till it is experienced -- even a proverb is no proverb to you till your life has illustrated it. - John Keats
Nothing ever goes away.
Nothing I have said is factual except the bits that sound like fiction. - Clive James, Unreliable Memoirs, 1980
Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
Nothing in progression can rest on its original plan. We may as well think of rocking a grown man in the cradle of an infant. - Edmund Burke
Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.
Nothing is 100% certain, bug free or IBM compatible.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Nothing is but what is not.
Nothing is done until nothing is done.
Nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer; nothing is more difficult than to understand him. - Fyodor Dostoevski
Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example.
Nothing is finished until the paperwork is done.
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do the work.
Nothing is skinnier than nothing.
Nothing is so fallacious as facts, except figures. - George Canning (1770-1827)
Nothing is so firmly believed as which is least known.
Nothing is sometimes the best thing to say.
Nothing makes a politician forget campaign promises faster than being elected.
Nothing makes a vacation seem better then hindsight.
Nothing remains the same. When a man goes back to look at the house of his childhood, it has always shrunk: there is no instance of such a house being as big as the picture in memory and imagination calls for. - Mark Twain^Letter to William Dean Howells
Nothing stings more deeply than the loss of money. - Livy (59 B.C.-A.D. 17)^History of Rome
Nothing succeeds like excess.
Nothing succeeds like--failure. - Oliver Herford (1863-1935)
Nothing wenchered, nothing gained.
Nothing will ever happen to you.
Nothing you can't spell will ever work. - Will Rogers
Now, more than ever, it is evident that `good taste' only refers to that which reinforces the status quo. - Andre Peret
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the Legislature.
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
Now bid me run, and I will strive with things impossible -- yea, and get the better of them. - W. Shakespeare, JULIUS CAESAR
Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time. - Monty Python
Now I believe there comes a time When everything just falls in line. - Pat Benatar
Now I lay me down to sleep^I hear the sirens in the street^All my dreams are made of chrome^I have no way to get back home - Tom Waits
Now! At last, a cologne for the masses: "Eau Da Dew Dah Dey!"
Nudists are people who wear one--button suits.
Nyuck Nyuck Nyuck! [POP!] Oooooooh, a wise guy!
O accurst craving for gold! - Virgil (70-19 B.C.)
O money, money, how blindly thou hast been worshipped, and how stupidly abused! Thou art health, and liberty, and strength; and he that has thee may rattle his pockets at the foul fiend. - Charles Lamb (1775-1834)^Letter to Samuel Taylor Coleridge, 1809
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills. - Ambrose Bierce
Odd things animals. All dogs look up to you. All cats look down to you. Only a pig looks at you as an equal. - Winston Churchill (Attrib.)
Of all employments from which gain is derived, there is none that surpasses agriculture, none more productive, none more delightful, none more worthy of a man of liberal education. - Cicero (10-43 B.C.) De officiis
Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
Of all forms of tyranny, the least attractive and the most vulgar is the tyranny of mere wealth, the tyranny of plutocracy. - Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919)^Autobiography, 1913
Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
Of all the forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
Of all the gin joints in the world, she had to pick this one - Rick (Humphrey Bogart)^Cassablanca
Of course I can keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't keep them. - Anthony Haden-Guest
Of course the US Constitution isn't perfect; but it's a lot better than what we have now. - Eric Sheppard (Ce1zzes@prism.gatech.EDU)
Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lamp posts -- for support rather than illumination.
Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!
Oh, Nicky, you're such a tool.
Oh, what tangled webs we weave When we first practice to deceive. - Sir Walter Scott
Oh - to be in L.A. when the polyethyl-vinyl trees are in bloom! - Herb Gold
Oh boy, virtual memory! Now I'm gonna make myself a REALLY BIG ram disk! - lennox@shire.hw.stratus.com
Oh my! Another kludge!
Oh this age! How tasteless and ill--bred it is.
Oh wearisome condition of humanity! Born under one law, to another bound.
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.
Oh! I thought that was a parrot!. No, no... They turn that color.
Old age = you + 20 years.
Old age is the harbor of all ills.
Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man. - Trotsky
Old age needs so little, but it needs that little so much.
Old bakers never die, they just quit making dough.
Old doughnut makers never die, they just get tired of the whole business.
Old frogs never die, But they do croak!
Old frogs never die...but they do croak.
Old Grandad is dead but his spirits live on.
Old is needing a fire permit for your birthday cake.
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves for their inability to give bad examples.
Old men give good advice when they are no longer able to provide bad examples.
Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
Old programmers never die, they just become managers.
Old programmers never die, they just hit account block limit.
Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
Old? The only thing that kept it standing was the woodworm holding hands. - Jerry Dennis
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague:^^"This isn't right. This isn't even wrong." - Wolfgang Pauli
On all LaserGrams: Don't forget the Zap code.
On our campus the UNIX system has proved to be not only an effective software tool, but an agent of technical and social change within the University. - John Lions (U. of Toronto (?))
On the one hand, loss implies gain; on the other hand, gain implies loss. - Lao-tze (c. 604-c. 531 B.C.)^Tao-Te-ching
On the way to the corner, a dropped tool will land on your foot.
On the whole, I'd rather be in Paris. . . Philadelphia would do. - W.C. Fields
On y soit, qui mal y pense.^(You are what you think.)
Once a can of worms is opened, the only way to recan them is in a bigger can.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled. - Horace (65-8 B.C.)^Epistles
Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.
One Bell System -- it sometimes works.
One Bell System -- it works.
One bag of money is stronger than two bags of truth. - Danish proverb
One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing.
One day you will find yourself and be quite disappointed.
One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible. Friendship needs a certain parallelism of life, a community of thought, a rivalry of aim. - Henry Brook Adams
One funged curve is worth a thousand weasel words.
One good turn deserves another.
One good turn gets the whole blanket.
One lie or one peanut...one leads to another.
One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
One must deal openly and fairly with one's forces if maximum effectiveness is to be achieved. - D. Vader (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
One of it's legs is both the same.
One of the first declarations of business philosophy I heard from my father, soon after I came to work at Neiman-Marcus in 1926, was, "There is never a good sale for Neiman-Marcus unless it's a good buy for the customer." - Stanley Marcus (1905- )^Neiman-Marcus
One of the joys of travel is visiting new towns and meeting new people. - G. Khan (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. - Mark Twain (1835-1910)^Pudd'nhead Wisdom, 1894
One person's constant is another person's variable. - Susan Gerhart^Microelectronics and Computer Technology Corp
One picture is worth a thousand words. See diagram below.
One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.
One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that, would tell one anything. - Oscar Wilde, A Woman of No Importance, 1893
One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
One will not have needed the future perfect in one's entire life.
One's real life is often the life that one does not lead.
One's religion is whatever he is most interested in, and yours is Success. - James M. Barrie (1860-1937)^The Twelve-Pound Look, 1910
Only a ballplayer's errors are published every day.
Only a fool has no doubts.
Only a mediocre man is always at his best. - W. Somerset Maugham
Only a sadistic scoundrel -- or a fool -- tells the bald truth on social occasions.
Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
Only adults have trouble with child-proof bottles.
Only constant repetition will finally succeed in imprinting an idea on the memory of the crowd. - Adolf Hitler^Mein Kampf
Only exceptionally rational men can afford to be absurd. - Allan Goldfein
Only fools are quoted.
Only fools say it can't be done.
Only the good die young. - B. Joel
Only the shallow know themselves. - Oscar Wilde
Only the wildest animals need cages. - Donald Hall
Only those with nothing to be sorry for smile back at the rear of an elephant.
Only when a republic's life is in danger should a man uphold his government when it is in the wrong. There is no other time. - Mark Twain^"Glances at History^(unsuppressed)"
Only when one has lost all curiosity about the future has one reached the age to write an autobiography. - Evelyn Waugh (Attrib.)
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of bleeding, he sings
Opportunity is the great bawd. - Benjamin Franklin^Poor Richard's Almanack
Optimist is person who thinks he can break up traffic jam by blowing horn.
Optimist: day-dreamer more elegantly spelled. - Mark Twain^Notebook
Oregonians don't tan, they rust.
Organization is the enemy of improvisation.
Other people's tools work only in other people's gardens.
Our business is run on trust. We trust you will pay in advance.
Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
Our swords shall play the orators for us.
Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it.
Ours is not so much an age of vulgarity as of vulgarization; everything is tampered with or touched up, or adulterated or watered down, in an effort to make it palatable, in an effort to make it pay. - Louis Kronenberger (1904-1980)^Company Manners, 1954
Out! Out, damned spot! ^-- Lady MacBeth - William Shakespeare
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read.
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. - Author Unknown
Pain is just God's way of hurting you.
Palindrome isn't one.
Panic: can't find rm --rf *
Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world really isn't out to get you.
Paranoia is heightened awareness.
Parkinson's First Law:^Work expands to fill the time available for its completion. - C. Northcote Parkinson
Parkinson's Law: Work expands to fill the time allotted it.
Parkinson's Second Law: Expenditures rise to meet income.
Parsley is gharsley.
Part-time musicians are semiconductors.
Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. - Eric Hoffer
Password:
Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.
Patch griefs with proverbs.
Patience is something that you admire greatly in the driver behind you but not in the one ahead of you.
Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.
Pause for storage relocation.
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtains.
Paybacks are Hell. - Karyl D. Piers^(attributed)
Peanut butter.
Penalties against possession of a drug should not be more damaging to an individual than the use of the drug itself. - President Jimmy Carter, August 2, 1977
People are more than fun than anybody. - Dorothy Parker
People don't form relationships, they take hostages. - anon
People humiliating a salami!
People should be measured in feats, not feet.
People smart enough to give good advice are usually smart enough to give none.
People that are too eager to please are, more often than not, not very pleasing. - Marquis de Sade
People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them. - Steven Wright
People Who Do Things exceed my endurance; God, for a man that solicits insurance! - Dorothy Parker, 'Sunset Gun', 1928
People who are grateful are usually good.
People who can least afford to pay rent pay rent.
People who can most afford to pay rent build equity.
People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it. - Ogden Nash
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
People who think they know it all are especially annoying to those who do.
People will buy anything that's one to a customer. - Sinclair Lewis
People will remember you better if you always wear the same outfit.
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
People with no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them
Perestroika: could it happen here? - Tom Neff
Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
Perfection is achieved only on the point of collapse. - C. N. Parkinson
Perhaps it was because Nero played the fiddle that they burned Rome.
Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things. - Robert Louis Stevenson^Virginibus Puerisque, 1881
Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.^ -- By Order of the Author. - Mark Twain
Peters hungry, time to eat lunch.
Ph.D.: Piled Higher & Deeper.
Phasors locked on target, Captain.
Philadelphia isn't dull -- it just seems so because it is next to exciting Camden, NJ.
Philadelphia just seems dull because it's next to exciting Camden, New Jersey.
Philanthropist, n. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket. - Ambrose Bierce^The Devil's Dictionary
Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing. - Ambrose Bierce
Philosophy: unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
Phone call for cbh.
Physician: One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well. - Ambrose Bierce
PI seconds is a nanocentury. - Tom Duff, Bell Labs
Pilots are just plane folks.
Pink is the navy blue of India. - Attributed to Diana Vreeland (1903- )
Pipe gives wise man time to think and fool something to stick in mouth.
PLEASE LOG OFF!.... NOW ! ! !
Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery.
Plastic explosives will be appropriate later in the week.
Plastic packaged foods are very uncanny.
Play it once, Sam -- for old time's sake. . . Play As Time Goes By - Elsa (Ingrid Bergman)^Cassablanca
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will have me as a member. - Groucho Marx
Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.
Please go away.
Please take cash.
Please update your programs.
Plow a straight furrow and you're in a rut.
Poetry, like chastity, can be carried to far. - Mark Twain
Pohl's law:^^Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
Police up your spare rounds and frags. Don't leave nothin' for the dinks. - Willem Dafoe in "Platoon"
Politician: An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice. As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive. - Ambrose Bierce
Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. - Arthur C. Clarke
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. - Ambrose Bierce
Polymer physicists are into chains.
Poor dead, there's nothing between his ears. - Margaret Thatcher, about Ronald Regan, in the 6/2/88 issue of The New York Times
Positive expectations yield negative results.
Postmen never die, they just lose their zip.
Pounds are the sons, not of pounds, but of pence. - Charles Buxton (1822-1871)
Poverty is the root of all evil.
Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Power does not corrupt fools, but fools corrupt power.
Power is poison.
Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely. - Lord Acton
Practice is the best of all instructors. - Publilius
Practice makes perfect, but no-one's perfect, so why practice?
Practice yourself what you preach.
Practiss makes perfict.
Praise the sea; on shore remain.
Pray for the success of atheism.
Pray for what you want but work for what you need.
Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore. - Russian Proverb
Pray: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy. - Ambrose Bierce
Predestination was doomed from the start.
Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future. - Niels Bohr
Preserve the old, but know the new.
Presidency: The greased pig in the field game of American politics. - Ambrose Bierce
Pressure is the normal force acting upon an engineer.
Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
Prevent security leaks.
Preventing baldness is simple. Just knot your hair from the inside.
Pride is what we have...vanity is what others have.
Primitive society tells us where it's at. Our business is basically sex and hunger. - Henry G. Walter, Jr. (1910- )^International Flavors & Fragrances
Private faces in public places are wiser and nicer than public faces in private places. - W. H. Auden
Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
Proboscis: The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk. - Ambrose Bierce
Procrastination--the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Profanity is the one language all programmers know best. - Troutman's Second Programming Postulate
Professional wrestling: ballet for the common man.
Professionals built the Titanic, amateurs built the ark. - Anon.
Profit is better than fame. - Danish proverb
Profitability is the sovereign criterion of the enterprise. - Peter F. Drucker
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
Programmers get overlaid.
Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait.
Prolonged contact with computers turns mathematicians into clerks and vice versa.
Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword.
Pronounce your prepositions, damn it!
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Proper treatment can cure a cold in seven days -- but left to itself it'll hang on for a week.
Proposals, as understood by the proposer, will be judged otherwise by others.
Pros are people who do jobs well even when they don't feel like it.
Prosperity is when your conversation changes^from car pools to swimming pools.
Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.
Prototype designs always work.
Prunes give you a run for your money.
Pssst. The root password is 'kumquat'.
Psychiatrists stay on your mind.
Psychoanalysis is the mental illness it purports to cure. - Karl Kraus
PURGE COMPLETE.
Public money is like holy water; everyone helps himself. - Italian proverb
Public schools are the nurseries of all vice and immorality.
Publish or Perish. - Unkown
Pull yourself together; things are not all that bad.
Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the T.V. screen.
Put 'em in the trunk.
Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust. - Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)^The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table, 1858
Put people on hold when possible.
Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.
Put your genius into your life. Put only your talent into your work.
Put your nose to the grindstone and you're a bloody fool.
Put your trust in those who are worthy.
Q: How many IBM CPU's does it take to execute a job?^A: Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
Q: What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?^A: You can't wash your hands in a buffalo. - Anon.
Quack!
Quando IL gioco si fa duro, i duri cominciano a giocare.
Quantity is no substitute for quality, but its the only one we've got.
Quarrels would not last so long if the fault were only on one side. - Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld^(1613-1680) -- Maximes, 1664
Quick to judge, quick to anger^Slow to understand^Ignorance and prejudice^and fear walk hand in hand. - Rush, Permanent Waves
Quit looking at fortunes and get back to work!
Quit work and play for once!
Quod licet Iovi non licet bovi.^(What Jove may do, is not permitted to a cow.)
R&D is not something that can be useful alone... R&D is part of a product--making process. - Ralph E. Gomory, Alfred P. Sloan Foundation, New York City
Racial characteristics: violently loud alcoholic roughnecks whose idea of fun is to throw up on your car. The national sport is breaking furniture and the average daily consumption of beer in Sydney is ten and three quarters Imperial gallons for children under the age of nine. - P. J. O'Rourke, 'Foreigners Around the World',National Lampoon, 1976
Rage is a wind that blows out the candle of reason. - Author Unknown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.
Raise ducks for a quack profit.
Raising pet electric eels is gaining a lot of current popularity.
Ranger is very!
Rank has its privileges.
Read the best books first or you may not have a change to read them at all. -
Read your Amdahl Business Practices.
Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
Reading is to the Mind, what exercise is to the Body. - Joseph Addison
Reading legal mush can turn your brain to guacamole! - Amiga ROM Kernel Manual
Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man. - Francis Bacon (1561-1626)^Of Studies, 1625
Reading the small print is education; not reading it is experience.
Ready money is Aladdin's lamp. - George Gordon, Lord Byron^Don Juan, 1823
Real joy comes from doing something worthwhile.
Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance. - Confucius
Real wealth can only increase. - R. Buckminster Fuller
Reality does not exist -- yet.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle science fiction.
Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs.
Reality is for those who lack imagination (or can't handle heavy drugs).
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Reality is often inaccurate. - Doug Adams
Reality--what a concept!
Reality...^^What a Concept. - Robin Williams
Rebellion is like witchcraft. That's what it is, it's like witchcraft. - Missouri State Rep. Jean Dixon, on labeling "offensive music". USA Today, March 20, 1990
Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.
Recent investments will yield a slight profit.
Reduce your IOU to IRS with an IRA.
Refreshed by a brief blackout, I got to my feet and went next door. - Martin Amis, "Money"
Regarding astral projection, Woody Allen once wrote, "This is not a bad way to travel, although there is usually a half-hour wait for luggage."
Rehumanize yourself!
Religion without science is blind. Science without religion is lame. - Albert Einstein
Religions revolve madly around sexual questions.
Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
Remember, Unix on some machines is nUxi.
Remember, the fact that you're paranoid^doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you!
Remember, the paper is always strongest at the perforations.
Remember, an int is not always 16 bits. I'm not sure, but if the 80386 is one step closer to Intel's slugfest with the CPU curve that is asymptotically approaching a real machine, perhaps an int has been implemented as 32 bits by some Unix vendors...? - Derek Terveer
Remember, even if you win the rat race -- you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin
Remember, there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over. - Frank Zappa
Remember always, that you have not only the right to be an individual, you have the obligation to be one. - Eleanor Roosevelt
Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. - Fran Lebowitz, 'Tips for Teens', Social Studies, 1981
Remember that two wrongs do not make a right -- but that three lefts do.
Remember the Alamo.
Remember to say hello to your bank teller.
Remembering is for those who have forgotten.
Repel them. Repel them. Induce them to relinquish the spheroid. - Indiana University fans' chant for their perennially bad football team
Replace repetitive expressions by calls to a common function.
Reputation is what others are not thinking about you.
Reputation: What others are not thinking about you.
Research is to see what everyone else has, and then think what no one else has.
Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed.
Resist everything but temptation.
Respect must be earned, not commanded.
Rest assured that your dog is finally getting enough cheese.
Retribution will be yours.
Revelation is always measured by capacity. - Margaret Fairless Barber
RICHARD: What's your sign?^VlCTORIA: I'm sorry - it's unlisted. - Mel Brooks, High Anxiety, screenplay, 1977
Riches cover a multitude of woes.
Riches: A gift from Heaven signifying, "This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased." - John D. Rockefeller, (slander by Ambrose Bierce)
Roll up your sleeves...and you won't lose your shirt.
Rome was not built in one day.
Rosebud! - Charles Foster Kane (Orson Wells) in Citizen Kane
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. - W. Shakespeare, HAMLET
Roses are red, violets are blue; I'm schizophrenic and so am I. - Author Unknown
Rotten wood cannot be carved -- Confucius (Analects, Book 5, Ch. 9)
Royalties are nice and all but shaking the beads brings in money quicker. - Gypsy Rose Lee (1914-1970)
RTFM
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
Rubbing hair restorer into your scalp is a good way to insure hairy fingers.
Rule of Feline Frustration:^^When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
Ruling a big country is like cooking a small fish.
Run away!
Running a business is about 95% people and 5% economics.
Sacred cows make great hamburgers.
Safety is better than the wrong answer.
Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited. - Ambrose Bierce
Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proven innocent. - George Orwell
Salary is no object: strive only to keep body and soul apart.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Sarcasm: barbed ire. - Author Unknown
Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
Satire is what closes in New Haven.
Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in.
Save energy, be apathetic.
Save gas, don't eat beans.
Save gas, don't use the shell.
Save our virgin forests --^buy a tree a chastity belt.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
Save yourself! Reboot in 5 seconds!
Say, can I use that in my book?^(Bartlett's most familiar quotation) - John Bartlett
Say nothing and they think your stupid... talk and they know for sure.
Say the secret woid and the duck is yours.
Say the secret word and you win $100.
Say what you will against money -- it is always a good Catholic. - Spanish proverb
Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind. - Albert Einstein
Scientists will study your brain to learn more about your distant cousin, Man.
Scratch an actor - and you'll find an actress. - Dorothy Parker (Attrib.)
Sculpture is what you bump into when you back up to look at a painting. - Ed Reinhart
Sculpture: mud pies that endure.
SDRAWKCAB spelled backwards is backwards.
SEAGOON: He's been buried alive under a thousand tons of earth.^MINNIE: Thank heavens he's safe. - The Goon Show, BBC Radio, 1959
SEMPER UBI SUB UBI !!!!
Sears has everything.
Sears Roebuck & Co. Chicago. Capital and Surplus: Over Five Million Dollars Fully-Paid. Reference By Special Permission: First National Bank, Chicago. Corn Exchange Nat'l Bank, Chicago. National City Bank, New York. Second National Bank, Boston. We Have No Agents or Solicitors--Persons Claiming to be Our Representatives are Swindlers. - Sears' catalogue (cover copy), 1905
Second chances aren't usually associated with first impressions.
Second--rate people hire third--rate people.
Security is the individual's responsibility.
Security is your responsibility.
Seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come.
Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!
Sell short.
Semper Fi, dude.
Senor Dali,^Born delirious,^Considers it folly^To be serious . . . - Phyllis McGinley, Times Three: 1932-1960, 1960
Sentient plasmoids are a gas.
Serfs up! - Spartacus
Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
Set the cart before the horse.
Sevareid's Law: The chief cause of problems is solutions.
Seven per cent has no rest, nor no religion, it works nights, and Sundays, and even wet days. - Josh Billings
Sex causes cancer. We'd wipe out cancer in one generation if no one had sex.
Sex discriminates against the shy and ugly.
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either. - Joseph Fischer
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Sex is like snow...^^You never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
Shanahan's Law: The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people present.
Shared pain is lessened; shared joy is increased.
She cried -- and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook. - Tommy Manville, thirteen-times divorced American millionaire
She is the sovereign queen of all delights; For her the lawyer pleads, the soldier fights. - Richard Barnfield (1574-1627)^The Encomium of Lady Pecunia Of money
She just, turns around and disappear. I kinda like that style.
She looked, as far as her clothes went, as though she had been pulled through brambles and then pushed through a thin tube. - Gwyn Thomas, The Alone to the Alone, 1947
She loves you as much as she can, which is not very much.
She may very well pass for forty--three in the dusk with a light behind her.
She sells cshs by the cshore.
She was a vivacious girl, not pretty by any accepted standards, if anything ugly by any accepted standards, but she could speak Latin and foot a quadrille and sometimes the two simultaneously if the tempo was right. - Denis Norden, Upon My Word, 1974
She was another one of his near Mrs. - Alfred McFote
She who hesitates is won.
She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. - Oscar Wilde, An ldeal Husband, 1895
She's descended from a long line her mother listened to. - Gypsy Rose Lee
Sheep are best!
Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down! Byte, byte, byte!
Shine on, you crazy diamond!
Ship it.
Ships don't come in, they're built. - anon
Shit Happens.
Short circuits got no reason to live.
Short cut... the longest distance between two points.
Short words are best and the old words when short are best of all. - Winston Churchill^Saying
Should you be a teenager blessed with uncommon good looks, document this state of affairs by the taking of photographs. It is the only way anyone will ever believe you in years to come. - Fran Lebowitz, 'Tips for Teens, Social Studies, 1981
Show respect for age. Drink good scotch for a change.
Show your affection, which will probably meet with pleasant response.
Show your appreciation for your lover with a surprise small gift.
Shower the people you love with your love.
Shower with the people you love.
Shut the door. Not that it lets in the cold but that it lets out the cozyness. - Mark Twain^Notebook
Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art.
Sigmund Freud is alleged to have said that in the last analysis the entire field of psychology may reduce to biological electrochemistry.
Sigmund's wife wore Freudian slips.
Sign on bank: "FREE BOTTLE OF CHIVAS WITH EVERY MILLION--DOLLAR DEPOSIT."
Sign up now for the summarizing Proust competition!
Silence cannot be misquoted.
Simon darling, I'm afraid you will have to speak to the children. I caught Tristram believing in God yesterday. - Marc, The Trendy Ape, cartoon, 1968
Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex.
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
Since aerosols are forbidden, the police are using roll--on Mace!
Since wars begin in the minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defenses of peace must be constructed. - UNESCO charter
Single tasking: Just Say No.
Sir, it's very possible this asteroid is not stable.
Sirs, I have tested your machine. It adds a new terror to life and make death a long felt want. - Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree (1853-1917)^To a gramophone company^that asked for a testimonial
Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work
Small business is the biggest business of them all. - J. E. Murray
Small change can often be found under seat cushions.
Small is beautiful.
Small programs are for small minds.
Small things make base men proud.
Smile, tomorrow will be worse.
Smile! You're on Candid Camera.
Smile! It makes people wonder what your up to.
Smile! It makes people wonder what you've been up to.
Smile! Things can only get worse.
Smile... people will wonder what you've been up to.
Smile... things can always get worse.
Smoke no peaches.
Snow and adolescence are the only problems that go away if ignored long enough.
Snow Day -- stay home.
So far from God, so close to the United States - Old Mexican proverb
So long, and thanks for all the fish. - Douglas Adams
So many men, so many opinions; every one his own way.
So soon as we begin to count the cost, the cost begins. - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)^Winter, 18 January 1841
So we follow our wandering paths, and the very darkness acts as our guide and our doubts serve to reassure us. - Jean-Pierre de Caussade, eighteenth-century Jesuit priest
So you're back.
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. - Mark Twain^"The Facts Concerning the Recent Resignation"
Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well--being.
Society is a mule, not a car; if pressed harder, it will kick and throw you off
Soitenly! Nuk, Nuk, Nuk, Nuk! - Curly Howard
Solitude... a great place to visit, but a bad place to stay.
Some Londoners are just P. Lane folks.
Some men are discovered; others are found out.
Some men are not fools, they stayed bachelors.
Some of the greatest love affairs I've known involved one actor, unassisted. - Wilson Mizner (Attrib.)
Some of us quit looking for work when we find a job.
Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them. - Joseph Heller
Some people are educated beyond their intelligence.
Some people aren't hard of hearing, but hard of listening.
Some people believe anything if you whisper it.
Some people carve careers, others chisel them.
Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Some people fall for everything and stand for nothing.
Some people have one of those days. i have one of those lives!
Some people hope to achieve immortality through their works or their children. I would prefer to achieve it by not dying. - Woody Allen
Some people march to the beat of a different drummer- and some polka.
Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt. - Frank McKinney ("Kin") Hubbard (1868-1930)
Some people spend their lives traveling the world over...^Only to find happiness lies right in their own back yard...^Mine just has a big puddle from last nights' rain!! - Ziggy
Some people strengthen the society just by being the kind of people they are. - John Gardner
Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
Some things have to be believed to be seen. - Ralph Hodgson
Some would sooner die than think. In fact, they often do. - Bertrand Russell
Somehow, somewhere along the line, this town lost its pride.
Someone close to you is taking advantage of your trust.
Someone is speaking well of you. How unusual!
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
Someone will try to honk your nose today.
Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.
Sometimes, too long is too long. - Joe Crowe
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. - Sigmund Freud
Sometimes a fool gets lucky and wins. - Scandal
Sometimes bad is bad. - Huey Lewis and the News
Sometimes let things happen but sometimes make things happen.
Sometimes you get the elevator and sometimes you get the shaft.
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
Sorry, computer foul--up!
Sorry, no fortune this time.
Sorry.
Sorry. Nice try.
Spare the rod and spoil the drag race.
Speak silver, reply gold. - Swahili proverb
Speak the truth but leave immediately after. - Yugoslav Proverb
Spend enough time confirming the need and the need will disappear.
Spiritual leadership should remain spiritual leadership and the temporal power should not become too important in any church. - Eleanor Roosevelt
Spock: We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.
Stalin's grave was a Communist plot.
Stalinism begins at home. - Tom Neff
Stamp out philately.
Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
State Farm? Guard dogs?
State run lotteries: think of them as tax breaks for the intelligent. - Evan Leibovitch
Statistics are no substitute for judgement.
Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts--for support, not illumination.
Stay away from flying saucers today.
Stay out of the road, if you want to grow old. - Pink Floyd
Steel is Prince or Pauper. - Andrew Carnegie (1835-1919)^In Hendrick, Life of Andrew Carnegie, 1932
Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language.
Stepping on people's toes messes up their shine.
Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable.
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government! - M. Python
Streakers repent! Your end is in sight.
Strike while the iron is hot.
Structured Programming supports the law of the excluded muddle.
Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward.
Sturgeon's Law: Ninety percent of everything is crud.
Success, as I see it, is a result, not a goal. - Gustave Flaubert (1821-1880)
Success has a thousand fathers, but failure is an orphan.
Success is a journey, not a destination.
Success is not permanent, neither is failure.
Success is that old ABC--ability, breaks and courage. - Charles Luckman (1909- )^Luckman Management
Success isn't how far you got, but the distance you travelled from where you started.
Successful and fortunate crime is called virtue. - Seneca
Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring.
Suddenly, Nothing Happened!^(but, it happened suddenly.) - The Goon Show
Supercompetence is more objectionable than incompetence.
Support Mental Health. Or I'll kill you.
Support National Motherhood Week -- Make one today!
Support your local church. Worship at Bank of America.
Sure, 90% of all software is crap. That's because 90% of everything is crap. - Mary Shaw Carnegie-Mellon University
Sure fire diet, swallowing pride.
Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too. - Richard M. Nixon
Surly grammarians insist that all words ending in "ly" are adverbs.
Survival of the species is everyone's business.
Swallow your pride, it is non-fattening.
Swap read error. You lose your mind.
Sweer's Impossibility Theorem: Nothing can be both completely general and internally consistent at the same time.
Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.
Swipple's Rule of Order:^^He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
System checkpoint complete.
System going down at 1:45 this afternoon for disk crashing.
System maintenance about to begin.
System restarting, wait.
Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult.
Tact is after all a kind of mind reading. - Sarah Orne Jewett
Tact is rubbing out another's mistake instead or rubbing it in.
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. - Abraham Lincoln
Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
Tact is the unsaid part of what you're thinking.
Tact--changing the subject without changing the mind.
Tailgater--one who makes ends meet.
Take an astronaut to launch.
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
Take care of the sense and the sounds will take care of themselves. - Lewis Carroll
Take it from me--he's got the goods. - O. Henry [William Sydney Porter] (1862-1910)^"The Unprofitable Servant," 1911
Take my advice. I'm not using it.
Take my word for it: if you have a penny, you are worth a penny. - Petronius (First century A.D.)^Satyricon
Take off your engineering hat and put on your management hat. - Thiokol management, 1/27/86
Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixed metaphors.
Take the humbug out of this world; and you haven't much left to do business with. - Josh Billings [Henry Wheeler Shaw] (1818-1885)
Take what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Take what you can use and let the rest go by. - Ken Kesey
Talk about thin! Well, you're thin, and I'm thin, but he's as thin as the pair of us put together!
Talk is cheap unless you hire a lawyer.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Talkers are no good doers.
Tallulah Bankhead barged down the Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank.
Tanstaafl.
Tax forms should read "income owed us" and "in commode you".
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed. - Lazarus Long, from Robert Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love"
Taxpayers don't have to take a civil service exam to work for the government.
Teachers have class.
Teamwork is vital... it gives you someone to blame.
Tell a child he got 1 right, not 99 wrong.
Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you...^^Tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
Tell me, how did you love my picture? - Attributed to Samuel Goldwyn
THE DUCHESS OF BERWICK: Do you know, Mr Hopper, dear Agatha and I are so much interested in Australia. It must be so pretty with all the dear little kangaroos flying about. - Oscar Wilde,Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892
THE GREAT AUSTRALIAN ADJECTIVE^He plunged into the _____ creek,^The _____ horse was _____ weak,^The stockman's face was a _____ study!^And though the _____ horse was drowned^The _____ rider reached the ground^Ejaculating: _____ !^_____ ! - W. T. Goodge, The Bulletin Reciter, 1940
THINK!^or THWIM!
Th regret deeply is to live afresh - Thoreau, Journal^November 13, 1939
Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
That is a two part question ...
That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all.
That that is is not that that is not.
That which does not kill us makes us stronger. - Friedrich Nietzche
That which is everybody's business is nobody's business. - Izaak Walton (1593-1683)^The Compleat Angler, 1655
That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee.
That's like fluffing the pillows on the Titanic
That's not a friend, that's an employer I'm trying out for a few days. - Thornton Wilder^The Matchmaker
That's one small step for a man,^One giant leap for mankind. - N. Armstrong
That's the definition of business: something goes through, something doesn't. Make use of one, forget the other. - Henry Francois Becque (1837-1899)^La Parisienne, 1885
That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can. - J. D. Salinger, The Catcher in The Rye, 1951
That's the thing about people who think they hate computers. What they really hate is lousy programmers. - Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle in "Oath of Fealty"
That's user, u s r, and then there's a space ...
That's what she said.
The 5 Stages of acting:^1. Who is Jack Nicholson?^2. Get me Jack Nicholson.^3. Get me a Jack Nicholson type.^4. Get me a young Jack Nicholson.^5. Who is Jack Nicholson? - Unknown
The American language is in a state of flux based on the survival of the unfittest. - Cyril Connolly, The Sunday Times, 1966
The absent are always at fault. - Spanish Proverb
The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power.
The advantage of doing one's praising for oneself is that one can lay it on thick and exactly in the right places. - Samuel Butler (1835-1902)^The Way of All Flesh, 1903
The adverb always follows the verb.
The agony of delete.
The alternative to mutual trust, which is indeed a risky gamble, is the security of the police state. - Alan Watts
The amount of work done varies inversely with the time spent in the office.
The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle: they're on TV! - Homer Simpson
The artistic temperament is a disease that affects amateurs. - G. K Chesterton, Heretics, 1905
The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
The attempt to understand the universe is one of the only things that elevates the human condition from farce to the elegance of tragedy. - Steven Weinberg, Nobel Laureate in Physics 1979
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
The author should gaze at Noah, and ... learn, as they did in the Ark, to crowd a great deal of matter into a very small compass. - Sydney, Smith, Edinburgh Review
The Bell System is like a damn big dragon. You kick it in the tail, and two years later, it feels it in its head. - Frederick Kappel (1902- )^AT&T
The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma. - Abraham Lincoln
The Bozos are coming.
The babe, with a cry brief and dismal,^Fell into the water baptismal;^Ere they'd gathered its plight,^It had sunk out of sight,^For the depth of the font was abysmal. - Edward Gorey,^'The babe, with a cry brief and dismal',^The Listing Attic, 1954
The baby wakes up in the wee wee hours of the morning. - Robert Robbins, Reader's Digest, 1949
The basis of optimism is sheer terror.
The bearing of a child takes nine months, no matter how many women are assigned to the project.
The beauty of democracy is that the average man believes that he is above average.
The belly has no ears nor is it to be filled with fair words. - Francois Rabelais (c. 1494-1553)^Gargantua and Pantagruel, 1548
The best audience is intelligent, well educated and a little drunk. - Alben W. Barkley
The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
The best books about advertising are not about advertising. - James W. Young (1886-1973)
The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning. - Sandy Cooley
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - W. C. Fields
The best prophet of the future is the past.
The best things in life are for a fee.
The best time to buy anything is last year.
The best vacations are spent near the budget.
The best way out is always through. - Robert Frost^A servant to Servants, 1914
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. - Mark Twain^Notebook
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
The better part of valor is discretion.
The better technology does not always sell better, even if it is first. - William J. Spencer, Xerox Corporation
The bigger the theory, the better.
The biggest growth industry in UNIX is promoting standards. - Rikki Kirzner, Dataquest.
The biggest mistake that you can make is to believe that you are working for somebody else.
The borrower is servant to the lender. - Bible: Proverbs 22:7
The brain works from the moment of birth until you stand up to speak in public.
The bug starts here.
The bug stops here.
The busier we are, the more acutely we feel that we live, the more conscious we are of life. - Immanuel Kant (1724-1804)^Lecture at Konigsberg, 1775
The business of life is to go forward. - Samuel Johnson^The Idler, No. 72, 1759
The business was to go to Bartholomew Fair, and the end of going to Bartholomew Fair was, in short, to pick pockets. - Daniel Defoe^Colonel Jack, 1722
The business world worships mediocrity. Officially we revere free enterprise, initiative and individuality. Unofficially we fear it. - George Lois (1931- )^The Art of Advertising, 1977
The buyer buys for as little as possible; the seller sells for as much as possible. - Legal maxim
The buyer needs a hundred eyes, the seller not one. - George Herbert (1593-1633)^Jacula Prudentum, 1651
The C committee took something that wasn't broken, and tidied it up without breaking it. - Dennis Ritchie (dmr@Alice.UUCP), about ANSI C standard X3J11
The Clothier's Delight; Or 'The Rich Men's Joy, and the Poor Men's Sorrow'. Wherein is expressed the craftiness and subtilely of Many Clothiers in England, by beating down their Workmen's Wages... - Wool workers' song
The CS Sage says: Seek new employment prior to the imposition of performance penalties on your project.
The cares of gain are threefold: the struggle of getting; the frenzy of increasing; the horror of losing. - Anonymous^Meditations on Wall Street, 1940
The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.
The cheapest, fastest and most reliable components of a computer system are those that aren't there. - Gordon Bell, Encore Computer Corp
The closed mouth swallows no flies. - Spanish proverb
The clothes have no emperor. - C. A. Hoare, about Ada.
The coast was clear.
The common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the seeing eye pierces through and reads the heart and the soul, finding there capacities which the outside didn't indicate or promise, and which the other kind couldn't detect. - Mark Twain^Joan of Arc
The computer can't tell you the emotional story. It can give you the exact mathematical design, but what's missing is the eyebrows. - Frank Zappa
The computer is the ultimate polluter: its feces are indistinguishable from the food it produces.
The concept seems to be clear by now. It has been defined several times by example of what it is not.
The condition upon which God has given liberty to man is eternal vigilance. - John Philpot Curran
The cost of feathers is higher, that makes down up.
The cost of liberty is less than the price of oppression.
The country couldn't run without Prohibition. That is the industrial fact. - Henry Ford, 1929
The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing, it is the thing to watch over and care for and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous... - Mark Twain^A Connecticut Yankee^in King Arthur's Court
The cow is nothing but a machine with makes grass fit for us people to eat. - John McNulty
The craft of a merchant is this bringing a thing from where it abounds; to where it is costly. - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)^The Conduct of Life, 1860
The creditor hath a better memory than the debtor. - James Howell Proverbs
The customer is always right. - H. Gordon Selfridge (?1864-1947)^Slogan
The DREA Law: Under the most rigorously controlled conditions, the experimental apparatus will do exactly as it pleases.
The days just before marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
The decision doesn't have to be logical, it was unanimous.
The decision doesn't have to be logical, it is unanimous.
The descent to Hades is the same from every place.
The die is cast.
The difference between ideas and results is a good manager.
The difference between involved and committed is like ham 'n eggs. The chicken is involved -- the pig is committed. - Don Meridith
The difference between the right word and a similar word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. - Mark Twain
The difficult we do today; the impossible takes a little longer.
The disks are getting full; purge a file today.
The doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright (Attrib.)
The door is the key.
The dreamer's valuation of a thing lost -- not another man's -- is the only standard to measure it by, and his grief for it makes it large and great and fine, and is worthy of our reverence in all cases - Mark Twain^"My Boyhood Dreams"
The Einstein theory is relatively simple. - Robin Williams
The early worm gets the bird.
The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
The easiest job I have ever tackled in this world is that of making money. It is, in fact, almost as easy as losing it. Almost, but not quite. - H. L. Mencken^In The Baltimore Evening Sun, 12 June 1922
The elastic heart of youth cannot be compressed into one constrained shape long at a time. - Mark Twain^The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
The emperor has no clothes.
The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - Buckminster Fuller
The end of labor is to gain leisure.
The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one person. - Vii Putnam
The evolution of the human race will not be accomplished in the ten thousand years of tame animals, but in the million years of wild animals, because man is and will always be a wild animal. - Charles Galton Darwin
The existence of god implies a violation of causality.
The expert is a person who avoids the small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.
The F-15 Eagle: If it's up, we'll shoot it down. If it's down, we'll blow it up. - A McDonnell-Douglas ad from a few years ago
The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
The fancy is indeed no other than a mode of memory emancipated from the order of space and time. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.
The fault lies not with our technologies but with our systems. - Roger Levian
The faults of the burglar are the qualities of the financier. - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)^Major Barbara, 1907
The filter has discreting sources. - KSC FIDO, 1/28/86
The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.
The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time. The last 10% of a project takes 90% of the time.
The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. - Abbie Hoffman
The first myth of management is that it exists.
The first of all English games is making money. - John Ruskin^The Crown of Wild Olive, 1866
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. - Paul Erlich
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
The first thing is character.... Because a man I do not trust could not get money from me on all the bonds in Christendom. - J. P. Morgan (1837-1913)
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. - Henry IV, ii^William Shakespeare
The flow chart is a most thoroughly oversold piece of program documentation. - Frederick Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization. - Alan Coult
The following statement is not true:
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. - Woody Allen
The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence and obsolescence. - Art Linkletter,^A Child's Garden of Misinformation, 1965
The fourth law of thermodynamics:^^The perversity of the universe tends towards a maximum.
The fundamental principles which govern the handling of postage stamps and of millions of dollars are exactly the same. They are the common law of business, and the whole practice of commerce is founded on them. They are so simple that a fool can't learn them, so hard that a lazy man won't. - Philip D. Armour (1832-1901)
The further I go, the behinder I get.
The future is a myth created by insurance salesmen and high school counselors.
The future is bright in affairs of the heart.
The future is not what it used to be. (It never was.)
The future is purchased by the present. - Samuel Johnson
The future isn't what it used to be.
The future lies ahead.
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. - Ambrose Bierce^The Devil's Dictionary
The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
The glad man is he who does not lose his child's heart. - K'ung Fu-tse
The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.
The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice.
The golden rule: He who has the gold makes the rules.
The great artists of the world are never Puritans, and seldom even ordinarily respectable. - H. L. Mencken
The great business of life is to be, to do, to do without, and to depart. - John Morley, Viscount Morley of Blackburn (1838-1923)^Address on Aphorisms, 1887
The greatest ability is dependability.
The greatest gift is the power to estimate correctly the value of things. - Francois. Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)^Maximes, 1664
The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.
The greatest man in history was the poorest.
The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.
The greatest pleasure--doing what they said couldn't be done.
The greatest remedy for anger is delay.
The groundwork of all happiness is health. - Leigh Hunt
The habit most worth cultivating is that of thinking clearly even though inspired. - Thomas H. Uzzel (1932- )
The hand that kindles cannot quench the flame.
The harder you work the luckier you get.
The hardest job of all is trying to look busy when you're not. - William Feather (1889- )
The hardest thing is to disguise your feelings when you put a lot of relatives on the train for home.
The heart is wiser than the intellect.
The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a lifetime, if not asked to lend money. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
The honeymoon is that short period of doting between dating and debting.
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
The idle mind knows not what it is it wants.
The important thing in acting is to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry, I think of my sex life. If I have to laugh, I think of my sex life. - Glenda Jackson (Attrib.)
The important thing is to not stop questioning. - Albert Einstein
The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of things. - Laurence J. Peter
The individual serves the industrial system not by supplying it with savings and the resulting capital; he serves it by consuming its products. - John Kenneth Galbraith (1908- )^The New Industrial State, 1967
The ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
The instinct of acquisitiveness has more perverts' I believe' than the instinct of sex. At any rate, people seem to me odder about money than about even their amours. - Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)^Point Counter Point, 1928
The Jews generally give value. They make you pay; but they deliver the goods. In my experience the men who want something for nothing are invariably Christians. - George Bernard Shaw^Saint Joan, 1923
The job's not over until the paperwork's done.
The key to acting is sincerity. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - George Burns
The Law of Selective Gravity (The Buttered Side Down Law): An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
The lack of money is the root of all evil. - Mark Twain^Notebook
The last person who said that, God rest his soul, lived to regret it.
The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first. - Blaise Pascal
The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.
The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
The less you have to do, the less time you find to do it in.
The lie, as a virtue, a principle, is eternal; the lie, as a recreation, a solace, a refuge in time of need, the fourth Grace, the tenth Muse, man's best and surest friend, is immortal. - Mark Twain^"On the Decay of the Art of Lying"
The life of a repo man is always intense.
The life which is unexamined is not worth living. - Plato
The light at the end of the tunnel...is the headlamp of an oncoming train.
The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon.
The longer you keep your temper the better it will get.
The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.
The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase: 'And now a word from our sponsor.' - Hal Eaton, Reader's Digest, 1949
The loss which is unknown is no loss at all. - Publilius Syrus Sententiae
The love of money is the root of all evil. Or, as it is usually shortened to: Money is the root of all evil. - Bible: I Timothy 6:10
The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others.
The Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke. - Lt. Col. Walt Weir, USA
The Medium IS the Message. - Marshal McLuhan
The main thing is the play itself. I swear that greed for money has nothing to do with it, although heaven knows I am sorely in need of money. - Feodor Dostoyevsky
The man who has a million dollars is as well off as if he were rich. - Attributed to John Jacob Astor 111(1886-1971)
The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.
The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas.
The man who runs may fight again.
The man with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
The meek are contesting the will.
The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights. - J. Paul Getty
The meek shall inherit the earth. The rest of us will go to the stars.
The meek shall inherit the earth. They are too weak to refuse.
The meek will inherit the Earth...^^the rest of us will go to the stars.
The meek will inherit the earth ... in pine boxes six feet long by ...
The mind resorts to reason for want of training. - Henry Adams^Education, 1907
The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.
The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out. - Tennessee Williams
The modern corporation is a political institution; its purpose is the creation of legitimate power in the industrial sphere. - Peter F. Drucker
The moment you cheat for the sake of beauty, you know you are an artist. - Max Jacob, Art Poetique, 1922
The moon is made of green cheese.
The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
The more the merrier.
The more things change, the more they'll never be the same again.
The more you cultivate people the more you turn up clods.
The more you say, the less people remember.
The most harmful error has not yet been discovered in your program.
The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise.
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible. - Albert Einstein
The most merciful thing in the world ... is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. - H. P. Lovecraft
The most solid stone is the lowest one in the foundation.
The Nazis have no sense of humor, so why should they want television? - Philip K. Dick
The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.
The nature of business is swindling. - August Bebel (184()1913)^Speech in Zurich, December 1892
The new electronic interdependence recreated the world in the image of a global village. - Marshall McLuhan^The Medium Is the Message, 1967
The next six days are dangerous.
The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. - IBM
The noble secret of laughing at oneself is the greatest humor of all.
The number of licorice gumballs you get out of a gumball machine increases in direct proportion to how much you hate licorice.
The obvious answer is always overlooked.
The old believe everything: the middle-aged suspect everything: the young know everything. - Oscar Wilde,^'Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young',^1894
The old gentleman said they never engaged in anything that required risk, or trouble, in the management. - William G. Moorhead^Report on the Rothschilds, in a letter^to his brother-in-law and partner,^Jay Cooke, October 1869
The one who dies with the most toys wins!
The only corporate defense against rationality is bureaucracy. - anon
The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
The only difference between an unclear war and a nuclear war is the way you use the UN.
The only man who should not be judged by the company he keeps is a warden. - Laurence J. Peter
The only measure of a man's usefulness is the extent to which he exercises his talent, according to the laws of his own growth, for the common good. - Stanley Kunitz
The only race worth winning is the human race.
The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. - Paul Fix
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
The only short meetings are when no-one shows up.
The only sin is self-hatred. - Paul Williams
The only thing constant is change.
The only thing funnier than how things don't work out, is how they do.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. - Edmund Burke
The only thing that I'm sure of is my growing sense of uncertainty.
The only thing that matters is the bottom line? What a presumptuous thing to say! The bottom line is in heaven. - Edwin Land (1909- )^Polaroid To a stockholder
The only thing that wealth does for some people is to make them worry about losing it. - Compte De Riverol
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
The only thing wrong with doing nothing is that you never know when you're done.
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
The only way to learn a new programming language is by writing programs in it. - Brian Kernighan
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. - Niels Bohr
The other line moves faster.
The Puritan's idea of Hell is a place where everybody has to mind his own business. - Attributed to Wendell Phillips (1811-1884)
The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes. - Mark Twain
The pen is mightier than the pencil.
The people are a many-headed beast. - Horace^Epistles
The perfect guest is one who makes his host feel at home.
The person who is all wrapped up in himself is overdressed.
The person who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes.
The philosophy behind much advertising is based on the old observation that every man is really two men -- the man he is and the man he wants to be. - William Feather (1889- )^The Business of Life, 1949
The physical labor actors have to do wouldn't tax an embryo. - Neil Simon, The Sunshine Boys, screenplay, 1975
The plural of spouse is spice.
The pot that belongs to partners is neither hot nor cold. - Talmud
The power to destroy a planet is insignificant when compared to the power of the Force. - Darth Vader
The power which money gives is that of brute force; it is the power of the bludgeon and the bayonet. - William Cobbett (1763-1835)^Advice to Young Men, 1829
The price of greatness is responsibility.
The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side. - James Baldwin
The principal mark of genius is not perfection but originality, the opening of new frontiers. - Arthur Koestler
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The problems with most desktop publishing designers can be traced to Typer-activity. - Brad Kozak
The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.
The proof of a system's value is its existence.
The proof of the pudding is in the eating.
The propensity to truck, barter, and exchange . . . is common to all men, and to be found in no other race of animals. - Adam Smith (1723-1790)^Wealth of Nations, 1776
The public may boo me, but when I go home and think of my money I clap. - Horace (65-8 B.C.)^Epistles, c. 20 B.C.
The pursuit of gain is the only way in which men can serve the needs of others whom they do not know. - Friedrich August von Hayek (1899- )^Listener, 1978
The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
The Roman Rule:^^The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong -- but that's the way to bet. - Damon Runyon
The radical invents the new ideas, and when he has worn them out the conservative adopts them. - Mark Twain
The rat race is over; the rats won.
The raytracer of justices recurses slowly, but it renders exceedingly fine. - Larry Phillips (lphillips@lpami.wimsey.bc.ca)
The real price of everything...is the toil and trouble of acquiring it. - Adam Smith (1723-1790)^Wealth of Nations, 1776
The real problem with SDI is that it doesn't kill anybody. - Tom Neff
The reality is that changes are coming... They must come. You must share in bringing them. - John Hersey
The reason the government thinks you're just a number^is because it's just a machine.
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. - Mark Twain
The rich are the scum of the earth in every country. - G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936)^The Flying Inn, 1914
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
The right to do something does not mean that doing it is right. - William Safire
The ripest fruit falls first.
The road to Hades is easy to travel.
The road to hell is paved with NAND gates.
The rooster may crow, but the hen delivers.
The rule on staying alive as a program manager is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.
The Socratic manner is not a game at which two can play. Please answer my question to the best of your ability. - Max Beerbohm (1872-1956)^Zuleika Dobson, 1911
The Swartzberg Test:^^The validity of a science is its ability to predict.
The scariest words known to man:^"We need to talk."
The scenery only changes for the lead dog.^(the Law of the Yukon) - Sargeant Preston
The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent. - Mel Lazarus
The secret to winning the support of large groups of people is positive thinking. - N. Bonaparte (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interest and his own are the same. - Stendhal (1783-1842)
The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction. - Noelie Altito
The show ain't over 'till the fat lady sings.
The sign brings customers. - Jean de La Fontaine (1621-1695)^Fables, 1678-1679
The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.
The smoker you drink, the player you get.
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we'll find their money. - Ed Bluestone
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
The star of riches is shining upon you.
The statement below is true.^^The statement above is false. - Paradox
The structure of a system reflects the structure of the organization that built it. - Richard Fairley, Wang Institute
The system is not quite as rickety as I have been telling you. - Ralph Gorin
The Tao person lives fully in every moment
The Three Rules of Social Intercourse:^It's easier to believe a lie than the truth; It's always worse than they say it is; and People are like water -- they follow the path of least resistance. - Brad Kozak
The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
The three great American vices seem to be efficiency' punctuality and the desire for achievement and success. - Lin Yutang (1895-1976)^The Importance of Living, 1937
The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.
The time has come, the Walrus said, To talk of many things: Of shoes -- and ships -- & sealing wax Of cabbages and kings & why the sea is boiling hot & whether pigs have wings. - Lewis Carroll
The time is right to make new friends.
The trouble, Mr. Goldwyn, is that you are only interested in art and I am only interested in money. - George Bernard Shaw^When declining to sell^Samuel Goldwyn screen rights to his plays
The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. - Franklin P. Jones
The trouble with the profit system has always been that it was highly unprofitable to most people. - E. B. White (1899- )^One Man's Meat, 1944
The truth is more important than the facts. - Frank Lloyd Wright
The truth is the one thing that nobody will believe. - George Bernard Shaw
The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And vice versa.
The two great tragedies in life: not getting what one wants and getting it.
The typical page layout program is nothing more than an electronic light table for cutting and pasting documents.
The universe is all a spinoff of the Big Bang.
The universe is laughing behind your back.
The unnatural, that too is natural. - Goethe
The unreasonable man is the one who expects the world to adapt to his needs, the reasonable man is the one who adapts himself to suit the world. Therefore, all progress depends upon the unreasonable man. - George Bernard Shaw
The urge to consume is fathered by the value system which emphasizes the ability of the society to produce. - John Kenneth Galbraith (1908- )^The Affluent Society, 1958
The use of money is all the advantage there is in having money. - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)^Poor Richard's Almanack, 1737
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
The very remembrance of my former misfortune proves a new one to me.
The village hall was one of those mid-Victorian jobs in glazed red brick which always seem to bob up in these olde-world hamlets and do so much to encourage the drift to towns. - P. G. Wodehouse, The Mating Season, 1949
The vulgar man is always the most distinguished, for the very desire to be distinguished is vulgar. - G. K. Chesterton, All Things Considered, 1908
The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start with a large fortune.
The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak. - Wavy Gravy
The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.
The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
The work that is really a man's own work is play and not work at all. - Mark Twain^The New York Times^November 26, 1905
The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.
The world is coming to an end -- save your buffers!
The world is coming to an end. Please log off. - Bob Irwin (birwin@ficc.ferranti.com)
The world is coming to an end... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
The world is divided into people who do things -- and people who get the credit. - Dwight Morrow
The world is no nursery. - Sigmund Freud
The world is quickly bored by the recital of misfortune and willingly avoids the sight of distress. - W. Somerset Maugham,^The Moon and Sixpence 1919
The world isn't worse. It's just that the news coverage is so much better.
The world looks as if it has been left in the custody of trolls. - Father Robert F. Capon
The world wants to be deceived.
The world's full of cactus, but you don't have to sit on it.
The worst form of failure is the failure to try.
The years teach us much the days never knew. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The young wish to give their elders the full benefits of their inexperience.
Theater, art, literature, cinema... must be cleansed of all manifestations of our rotting world... - Adolf Hitler
Then you must be Don Francisco's sister!
Ther was noon auditour koude on him wynne. [He could beat any audit.] - Geoffrey Chaucer (c. 1343-1400)^Ceneral Prologue, Canterbury Tales
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore. - Mark Twain^Tom Sawyer Abroad
There are bugs and then there are bugs. And then there are bugs. - Karl Lehenbauer
There are few people more often in the wrong than those who cannot endure to be thought so.
There are few ways in which a man can be more innocently employed than in getting money. - Samuel Johnson In Boswell,^Life of Johnson, 1791^[Said: 27 March 1775]
There are fortunes that mention the word 'umbrella' for no apparent reason.
There are girls, few perhaps but to be found if one searches carefully, who when their advice is ignored and disaster ensues, do not say 'I told you so'. Mavis was not of their number. - P. G. Wodehouse, Pearls Girls and Monty Bodkin 1972
There are moments when art attains almost to the dignity of manual labor.
There are more fools among buyers than among sellers. - French proverb
There are more horses' asses in this world than there are horses.
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
There are more ways into the woods than out.
There are more ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream.
There are no bugs, only unrecognized features.
There are no giant crabs in here, Frank.
There are no saints, only unrecognized villains.
There are no secrets better kept than those secrets that everybody guesses. - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)^Mrs. Warren's Profession, 1983
There are only two emotions in Wall Street: fear and greed. - William M. LeFevre, Jr. (1927- )^Granger & Company
There are three faithful friends--an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. - Benjamin Franklin^Poor Richard's Almanack, 1738
There are three kinds of lies; lies, damned lies, and statistics. - Mark Twain^Mark Twain's Autobiography
There are times when it is undoubtedly better to incur loss than to make gain. - Plautus (254-184 B.C.)^Captivi, c. 200 B.C.
There are two instruments worse than a clarinet. Two clarinets.
There are two kinds of egotists: 1) Those who admit it 2) The rest of us
There are two kinds of people in this world: Those that want to BE something, and those that want to DO something. (There is less competition in the second category.)
There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up and the kind you make up. - Rex Stout (1886-1975)^Death of a Doxy, 1966
There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can. - Mark Twain^Following the Equator, 1897
There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. - George Bernard Shaw
There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies and the other is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. - Charles Anthony Richard Hoare
There are two ways of spreading the light; to be the candle, or, the mirror that reflects the light. - Edith Wharton
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
There are very honest people who do not think that they have had a bargain unless they have cheated a merchant. - Anatole France (1844-1924)
There goes Bill!
There has never been an intelligent person of the age of sixty who would consent to live his life over again. His or anyone else's. - Mark Twain^Letters from the Earth
There is a bear following you around.
There is a correlation between the creative and the screwball. So we must suffer the screwball gladly. - Kingman Brewster
There is a fly on your Dimension!
There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature: that of paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.
There is a moral sense and there is an immoral sense. History shows that the moral sense enables us to see morality and how to avoid it, and that the immortal sense enables us to perceive immortality and how to enjoy it. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar
There is a time in the tides of men, Which, taken at its flood, leads on to success. On the other hand, don't count on it. - T. K. Lawson
There is always an easier way to do it.
There is always more brass than brains in an aristocracy. - Oscar Wilde, Vera, or The Nihilists, 1883
There is always one more bug.
There is always someone worse off than yourself.
There is always something new out of Africa.
There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.
There is an exception to all laws.
There is an exception to every rule, except this one.
There is danger in delaying, good fortune in acting.
There is hardly anything in the world that some man can't make a little worse and sell a little cheaper, and the people who consider price only are this man's lawful prey. - John Ruskin (1819-1900)
There is harmony in discord. - Horace^Epistles
There is humour in all things. - Sir William S. Gilbert
There is life after death: in Cleveland, people are still allowed to vote.
There is much Obi--Wan did not tell you.
There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge. - Bertrand Russell
There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
There is news.
There is no "A" in "KERNEL"!
There is no better ballast for keeping the mind steady on its keel, and saving it from all risk of crankiness, than business. - James Russell Lowell (1819-1891) Literary Essays, vol II, 1870-1890.^"New England Two Centuries Ago" (1865)
There is no devil; it's God when he's drunk.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.
There is no force of gravity as such. Rather, a celestial body merely pays attention to what it finds in its neighborhood. - Einstein
There is no grief which time does not lessen and soften.
There is no heavier burden than a great potential.
There is no hope of joy except in human relations - Saint-Exupery^Wind, Sand, and Stars, 1939
There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
There is no royal road to geometry.
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
There is no security on this earth. There is only opportunity.
There is no sin except stupidity. - Oscar Wilde
There is no such thing as `soft sell' and `hard sell.' There is only `smart sell' and `stupid sell.' - Charles Brower (1901- )^News reports, 30 May 1958
There is no such thing as a "Fail Safe" design.
There is no such thing as a little garlic.
There is no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
There is no time like the pleasant.
There is no time like the present to postpone what you ought to be doing.
There is no use in your walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home. - Mark Twain
There is no way of keeping profits up but by keeping wages down. - David Ricardo (1772-1823)^On Protection to Agriculture, 1820
There is no wealth but life. - John Ruskin (1819-1900)^Unto This Last, 1862
There is nothing as universal in this world as human thirst... Our market is as big as the world and the people in it. - Lee Talley (1901-1976)^Coca Cola^Quoted in Newsweek, 19 May 1958
There is nothing in the world like a persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus. - Mark Twain^"The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg"
There is nothing in this world constant but inconstancy. - Swift
There is nothing more silly than a silly laugh.
There is nothing so easy that it becomes difficult when done with reluctance.
There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. - Oscar Wilds
There is only one way to kill capitalism--by taxes, taxes, and more taxes.
There is only one way under high Heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it. Remember, there is no other way. - Dale Carnegie^How to Win Friends and Influence People
There is probably no pleasure equal to the pleasure of climbing a dangerous Alp; but it is a pleasure which is confined strictly to people who can find pleasure in it. - Mark Twain^A Tramp Abroad
There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
There isn't room enough in this dress for both of us.
There s a daily cost, and all of it lost. - Henry George Bohn (1796-1884)^Handbook of Proverbs, 1855
There should be three days a week when no one is allowed to say 'What's your sign?' Violators would have their copies of Kahlil Gibran confiscated. - Dick Cavett, The Dick Cavett Show, ABC TV, 1978
There was a yound lady of Riga Who smiled as she rode on a tiger They returned from the ride With the lady inside And a smile of the face of the tiger. - Unknown
There will always be survivors. - Robert Heinlein
There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
There's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt. - Police
There's a bug somewhere in your code.
There's a sucker born every minute. - P.T. Barnum
There's always a hole in theories somewhere, if you look close enough. _ Mark Twain^Tom Sawyer Abroad
There's always one more bug.
There's an Italian in my room and he won't go away!
There's at least one fool in every married couple.
There's got to be more to life than compile--and--go.
There's just no stopping it. It's like a bad dream that never ends. - Pat Benatar
There's never time to do it right, only time to do it over.
There's no fool like an old fool, 'cause he's experienced.
There's no future in time travel.
There's no need to fear, UNDERDOG is here! - Underdog
There's no room in the drug world for amateurs.
There's no such thing as gravity - the earth sucks.
There's nobody perfect not even the perfect fool - Huey Lewis
There's nothing wrong with being a self-made man if you don't consider the job finished too soon. - John Mooney
There's nothing wrong with incest just as long as you keep it in the family. - Milton Mayer
There's nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
There's nothing you can do that can't be done. - John Lennon
There's small choice in rotten apples.
There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
There's something rotten in the state of Denver. - Archie Bunker
These days govt. is a four letter word.
These screamingly hilarious gogs ensure owners of X Ray Gogs to be the life of any party. - X-Ray Gogs Instructions
They [preachers] dread the advance of science as witches do the approach of daylight and scowl on the fatal harbinger announcing the subversions of the duperies on which they live. - Thomas Jefferson
They are able because they think they are able. - Virgil
They are only ten. [Said to have been posted in The Times' offices to remind the staff of their public's mental age.] - Lord Northcliffe (1865-1922)
They are using a doublespeak these days, much as was spoken to the Indians before us. They would have us call an air polluting, noise and water polluting building that manufactures synthetic products a `plant'. That's not a plant! That's a sewage system made by man. - Gatewood Galbraith
They communicated by tap-dancing and farting. - "Breakfast of Champions"
They don't make nostalgia like they used to.
They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.
They have rights who dare defend them. - Roger Baldwin
They hired the money, didn't they? - Response to question about France and England's war debts, 1925
They just buzzed and buzzed.....buzzed.
They struggle to gain in order that they may spend, and then to regain what they have spent. - Ovid, Fasti, c. A.D. 8
They thought to use and shame me but I win out by nature, because a true freak cannot be made. A true freak must be born. - K. Dunn, "Geek Love"
They took some of the Van Goghs, most of the jewels, and all of the Chivas!
They were really tough - they used to tie their tomatoes on the end of a yo-yo, so they could hit you twice. - Bob Hope
Things are always at their best in the beginning. - Pascal
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. - Dwight D. Eisenhower
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
Things are not always what they seem.
Things are not as simple as they seems at first. - Edward Thorp
Things are only worth what one makes them worth. - Moliere (1622-1673)^Les Precieuses Ridicules, 1659
Things past redress and now with me past care.
Things will be brighter tonight. A cop will shine a light in your face.
Things won't get any better, so get used to it.
Things work better if you plug them in.
Things work better when plugged in.
Things worth having are worth cheating for.
Think before you speak. Read before you think. This will give you something to think about that you didn't make up yourself- a wise move at any age, but most especially at seventeen, when you are in the greatest danger of coming to annoying conclusions. - Fran Lebowitz, 'Tips for Teens', Social Studies, 1981
Think of death as a pie in the face from God.
Think twice before speaking. But don't say "think think click click".
Thinking is wise, planning is better, doing is best.
Thinly sliced cabbage.
Third Law of Advice: Simple advice is the best advice.
Thirty-five is a very attractive age, London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years. - Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest, 1895
This afternoon is favorable for romance. Try a single person for a change.
This ain't no party! This ain't no disco! This ain't no foolin' around!
This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is now in the American experience... We must not fail to comprehend its grave implications... We must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence...by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist. - Dwight D. Eisenhower, from his farewell address in 1961
This door is baroquen, please wiggle Handel.^(If I wiggle Handel, will it wiggle Bach?) - found on a door in the MSU Music building
This fortune every third, but it still comprehensible.
This fortune intentionally left blank.
This fortune is inoperative. Please try another.
This fortune is owned and operated by Frobazz Magic Co., Ltd.
This fortune will not come true.
This is a good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
This is a good time to punt work.
This is an important announcement. This is Flight 121 to Los Angeles. If your travel plans today do not include Los Angeles, now would be a perfect time to disembark. - Douglas Adams
This is no game for old men! Send in the boys! - W. Hayes (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
This is now. Later is later.
This is the day for firm decisions! Or is it?
This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. - Attributed to Winston Churchill
This login session: $13.99
This night methinks is but the daylight sick.
This piece is chock full of omissions.
This place has everything.
This portion of UTS II is a trade secret of Amdahl Corporation.
This restaurant was advertising breakfast any time. So I ordered French toast in the Renaissance. - Steven Wright, comedian
This sentance has threee errors.
This sentence contains ten words, eighteen syllables, and sixty--four letters.
This sentence no verb.
This system will self--destruct in five minutes.
This unit ... must ... survive.
This was the most unkindest cut of all.
This was the ultimate form of ostentation among technology freaks -- to have a system so complete and sophisticated that nothing showed; no machines, no wires, no controls. - Michael Swanwick, "Vacuum Flowers"
This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
This will be dynamically handled, possibly correctly, in 4.1. - Dan Davison on streams configuration in SunOS 4.0
Thoreau's Law:^^If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life.
Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.
Those who are not shocked when they first come across quantum theory, cannot possibly have understood it. - Neils Bohr
Those who are war with others are not at peace with themselves. - William Hazlitt
Those who can, do. Those who can't, write.
Those who can, do.^Those who can't, simulate.
Those who can, do.^Those who can't, teach.^Those who can't teach, administrate.
Those who can't write, write manuals.
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. - George Santayana
Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly. - Henry Spencer, University of Toronto Unix hack
Those who do the most usually demand the least.
Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address. - Lane Olinghouse
Those who in quarrels interpose must often wipe a bloody nose.
Those who set out to serve both God and Mammon soon discover that there is no God. - Logan Pearsall Smith (1865-1946)
Those who talk don't know. Those who don't talk, know.
Those who worked the hardest are the last to surrender. - Gary Ward
Thou hast seen nothing yet.
Thou shall not sleep within an interrupt handler.
Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night, I can see paradise by the dashboard light. - Meatloaf
Three addresses always inspire confidence, even in tradesmen. - Oscar Wilde
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Three helping one another will do as much as six men singly. - Spanish Proverb
Thufir's a Harkonnen now.
Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work. - Mark Twain^Letter to an Unidentified Person^[1908]
Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
Time and tide wait for no man.
Time as he grows old teaches all things.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. - Groucho Marx
Time flies like arrow; fruit flies like banana.
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space. - Graffiti
Time is just nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
Time is money, and many people pay their debts with it. - Josh Billings
Time is nature's way of making sure everything doesn't happen at once.
Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
Time is the image of eternity. - Diogenes
Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.
Time wounds all heels. - Jane Ace
Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. - Frank Lloyd Wright
To add insult to injury.
To be, or what? - Sylvester Stallone
To be at ease is better than to be at business. - Baltasar Gracian (1601-1658)^Oraculo manual y arte de prudencia, 1647
To be awake is to be alive. - Henry David Thoreau, in "Walden"
To be born rich is an accident; to die rich is a miracle.
To be is to program.
To be wise, the only thing you need to know is when to say "I don't know."
To climb the ladder of success you must get through the crowd at the bottom.
To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult to criticize the competent.
To do nothing is in every man's power.
To do nothing is to be nothing.
To do two things at once is to do neither.
To downgrade the human mind is bad theology. - C. K. Chesterton
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
To err is human, to forgive is out of the question.
To err is human, to forgive is unusual.
To err is human -- to blame it on a computer is even more so.
To err is human. To really screw up takes a computer. - Anonymous
To err is human; to really foul things up you need a computer.
To error is human, to blame it on someone else is more human.
To establish ourselves in the world, we have to do all we can to appear established. To succeed in the world, we do everything we can to appear successful. - Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)^Maximes, 1664
To every exception there is a rule.
To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.
To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends.
To follow foolish precedents, and wink With both our eyes, is easier than to think. - William Cowper
To get a loan you must prove you don't need it.
To give happiness is to deserve happiness.
To have a horror of the bourgeois is bourgeois. - Jules Renard
To have died once is enough.
To hell with criticism. Praise is good enough for me. - T. Bankhead
To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
To keep your friends, treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often.
To know the world one must construct it. - Cesare Pavese
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
To light a candle is to cast a shadow.
To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness. - Oscar Wilde
To love is good, love being difficult.
To make tax forms true they should read "Income Owed Us" and "Incommode You".
To program anything that is programmable is obsession.
To program is to be.
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
To regret nothing is the beginning of wisdom.
To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
To see a need and wait to be asked, is to already refuse.
To some people it is fatal to be noticed by greatness. - Mark Twain^"The Approaching Epidemic"
To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
To teach is to learn.
To the landlord belong the doorknobs.
To the Workers of the world, I am sorry. - Karl Marx--Seen on the side of an East German factory
To think is human, to compute, divine.
To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing. - Eva Young
To use violence is to already be defeated.
To write good code is a worthy challenge, and a source of civilized delight. - stolen and paraphrased from William Safire
Today is a bad day to give to charity.
Today is a good day for you to jump in a lake.
Today is a good day to bribe a high--ranking official.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
Today is the last day of your life so far.
Today the future occupation of all moppets is to be skilled consumers. - David Riesman (1909- )^The Lonely Crowd, 1950
Tolerance means excusing mistakes made by others. Tact means not noticing them. - Arthur Schnitzler
Tonight at nine on channel one, see what happens when little Salvador and big Salvador try to turn Grandpappy Amos into a grandfather clock, but his hands keep melting on: THE SURREAL McCOYS.
Too bad the only people that know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. - George Burns
Too busy to laugh? then you are too busy.
Too caustic? To hell with the cost; we'll make the picture anyway. - Attributed to Samuel Goldwyn
Too clever is dumb. --Ogden Nash
Too great haste in paying off an obligation is a kind of ingratitude. - Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)^Maximes, 1665-1678
Too much money is the worst of tribulations. - Moroccan proverb
Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.
Toothache tends to start on Saturday night.
Topologists are just plane folks.
Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!
Trade is a social act. - John Stuart Mill (1806-1873)^On Liberty, 1859
Training a child is more or less a matter of pot luck. - Rod Maclean, Reader's Digest, 1949
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.
Treat a work of art like a prince: let it speak to you first. - Arthur Schopenhauer (Attrib.)
Treat each new situation as though it's a crisis.
Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.
Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be prosecuted.
Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be SHOT AGAIN!
Trifles make perfection and perfection is no trifle. - Michelangelo
Trifles make the sum of life. - Charles Dickens^David Copperfield
Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
Troubles are only mental; it is the mind that manufactures them, and the mind can forget them, banish them, abolish them. - Mark Twain^Which Was It?
True happiness will be found only in true love.
Truth has always been found to promote the best interests of mankind... - Percy Bysshe Shelley
Truth is hard to find and harder to obscure.
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn't. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar
Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let's economize it. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar
Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.
Try `stty 0' -- it works much better.
Try a new system or a different approach.
Try later.
Try the Moo Shu Pork. It is especially good today.
Try the Moo Shu Pork. It is especially good today.
Try to be the best of what you are, even if what you are is no good. - Ashleigh Brilliant
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
Trying to establish voice contact--please yell into keyboard.
Trying to get an education here is like trying to take a drink from a fire hose
Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to un-ring a bell. - Shana Alexander
Tuck under thumb and hold firmly.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Two heads are better than one.
Two is company, three is an orgy.
Two kangaroos are talking to each other, and one says 'Gee, I hope it doesn't rain today, I just hate it when the children play inside.' - Henny Youngman
Two kind of people in this world - winners\losers. - Buckingham
Two kinds of trouble in this world - living\dying. - Buckingham
Two men look out through the same bars; one sees mud, and one the stars.
Two rights don't make a wrong, they make an airplane.
Two wrongs do not make a right: it usually takes three or more.
UFO's are real. The Air Force doesn't exist.
UNIX should be used as an adjective. - AT&T
Uncertain fortune is thoroughly mastered by the equity of the calculation. - Blaise Pascal
Uncompensated overtime? Just Say No.
Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you can be booked. - Robert D. Sprecht (Rand Corp)
Under capitalism, man exploits man; under socialism, the reverse is true. - Polish proverb
Under every stone lurks a politician.
Undetectable errors are infinite; detectable errors by definition are finite.
University: A modern school where football is taught.
Unix soit qui mal y pense.
Unix: Some say the learning curve is steep, but you only have to climb it once. - Karl Lehenbauer
Unlimited campaign spending eats at the heart of the democratic process. - Barry Goldwater
Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
Until hard evidence is obtained and corroborated, the American people should not be frightened into believing that babies are being bred and eaten, that 50,000 missing children are being murdered in human sacrifices, or that satanists are taking over America's day care centers... An unjustified crusade against those perceived as satanists could result in wasted resources, unwarranted damage to reputations, and disruption of civil liberties. - Kenneth Lanning, head of the FBI's special unit in charge of investigating claims^about satanic-cult crimes, in a report of his findings, June, 1989
Unusual cheeses.
Unwritten laws can not be erased.
Up your accumulator.
Upon a good foundation a good building may be raised, and the best foundation in the world is money. - Miguel de Cervantes Don Quixote
US out of North America, NOW!! - Richard O'Rourke
Use debugging compilers.
Use free--form input where possible
Use GOTOs only to implement a fundamental structure.
Use IF...ELSE IF...ELSE IF...ELSE... to implement multi-way branches.
Use library functions.
Use the Force, Luke.
Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale across the beach.
Veni, Vedi, Vici.^(I came, I saw, I conquered.) - Julius Caesar
Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
Verily man was created avid of gain; when evil befalls him, apt to grieve; when good befalls him, grudging. - Koran 70:19
Vests are to suits as seat--belts are to cars.
Victory or defeat!
Villager: She turned ME into a newt.^Sir Bedevere: A newt?^Villager (after looking at himself for some time): I got better. - Monty Python
Vini, vidi, vici.
Violence is the last recourse of the incompetent.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. - Salvador Hardin
Vique's Law:^^A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
Virtue is its own reward, but no sale at the box office. - Mae West (1892-1980)^Quoted in Weintraub, Peel Me a Grape
Visit beautiful Vergas, Minnesota.
Visit beautiful Wisconsin Dells.
Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
VMS must die!
Volcano -- a mountain with hiccups.
Voodoo Programming: Things programmers do that they know shouldn't work but they try anyway, and which sometimes actually work, such as recompiling everything. - Karl Lehenbauer
Vote Anarchist.
Wagner's music is better than it sounds. - Mark Twain
Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.
Waiter, there's no fly in my soup! - Kermit the frog
Walk softly and carry a big stick.
Wanna do something big? pick up a boulder.
Want to forget all your troubles? Wear tight shoes.
Want to have some fun? Walk into an antique shop and say, 'What's new?' - Henny Youngman
War, traffic, and piracy^Are an indivisible trinity. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
War is like love; it always finds a way. - Bertold Brecht
War is the last refuge of incompetent statesmen.
War spares not the brave, but the cowardly.
Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.
Was it a car or a cat I saw?
Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.
Wasting time is an important part of living.
Watch out for off--by--one errors.
Watch out where the Huskies go and don't you eat that yellow snow!
Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.
Watson! Come here! I need you!
We all know that no one understands anything that isn't funny.
We all like praise, but a hike in our pay is the best kind of ways.
We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.
We all say so, so it must be true. - the Bandar--log (monkey tribe), in Rudyard Kipling's "Jungle Book"
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. - Oscar Wilde
We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it. - Dwight D. Eisenhower
We are not a clone.
We are not alone.
We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem!
We are the knights who say, "NIE!"
We are tied down to a language which makes up in obscurity what it lacks in style.
We are what we pretend to be. - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
We can't all be sound: we've got to be the way we're made. - Mark Twain^Tom Sawyer Abroad
We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.
We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.
We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
We don't know who discovered water, but we are certain it wasn't a fish. - John Culkin
We don't really understand it, so we'll give it to the programmers.
We fight for men and women whose poetry is not yet written. - Robert Gould Shaw, abolitionist
We find that the sexual instinct, when disappointed and unappeased, frequently seeks and finds a substitute in religion. - Baron Richard Von Krafft--Ebing
We get our morals from books. I didn't get mine from books, but I know that morals do come from books -- theoretically, at least. - Mark Twain^Remarks at the Opening of the Mark Twain Library
We have always known that heedless self-interest was bad morals; we know now that it is bad economics. - Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-1945)^Second Inaugural Address, 20 January 1937
We have finished the job, what shall we do with the tools? - Emperor Haile Selassie (1891-1975)^To Churchill
We have got to get organized!
We have luck only with women -- not spacecraft! - R. Kremnev, builder of failed Soviet FOBOS probes
We have met the enemy and not only is he ours, he is us. - Walt Kelly
We have not journeyed all this way across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy. - Winston Churchill^Speech to Canadian Senate and House of Commons, 1941
We have really everything in common with America nowadays, except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde, 'The Canterville Ghost', 1887
We have seen too much success to have become obsessed with failure. - Lyndon B. Johnson (1908-1973)^Quoted in National Review, 31 December 1963
We know the sound of two hands clapping, but what of the sound of one? - Zen saying
We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history.
We learn from history that we don't learn from history.
We live as we dream - alone. - Joseph Conrad
We may be alone. We may not be alone. Either way, the thought is staggering.
We must all hang together or surely we will hang separately. - Benjamin Franklin
We must believe in free will. We have no choice. - Isaac Bashevis Singer
We must fetch the public sumhow. We must wurk on their feelins. - Artemus Ward [Charles Farrar Brown] (1834-1867)^Works, 1898^From "One of Mr. Ward's Business Letters"
We must never forget that if the war in Vietnam is lost... the right of free speech will be extinguished throughout the world. - Richard Milhouse Nixon, 10/27/65
We must scrunch or be scrunched. - Charles Dickens (1812-1870)^Our Mutual Friend, 1864-1865
We need a new cosmology. New Gods. New Sacraments. Another drink. - Patti Smith
We plan absentee ownership. I'll stick to building ships. - George Steinbrenner, 1973
We prefer to speak evil of ourselves than not speak of ourselves at all.
We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.
We read to say that we have read.
We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us.
We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them.
We should learn from the snail: it has devised a home that is both exquisite and functional. - Frank Lloyd Wright (Attrib.)
We stand today at a crossroads: One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice. - Woody Allen
We the willing led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible, for the ungrateful and we have been doing so much for so long with so little that we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
We try and hide the fact that we got lost between chaos and confusion. - Pat Benatar
We used to have actresses trying to become stars; now we have stars trying to become actresses. - Sir Laurence Olivier (Attrib.)
We walked on the moon -- you be polite. - Joni Mitchell
We want to create puppets that pull their own strings. - Ann Marion
We will release no software before its time.
We'll be back to Nick Danger after this message.
We'll pivot at warp 2 and bring all tubes to bear, Mr. Sulu.
We're all Bozos on this bus. - The Firesign Theater
We're all bozos on this bus.
We're all over it, like a cheap suit.
We're fighting against humanism, we're fighting against liberalism... we are fighting against all the systems of Satan that are destroying our nation today...our battle is with Satan himself. - Jerry Falwell
We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is more than she ever did. - Rufus T. Firefly, in "Duck Soup"
We're here to give you a computer, not a religion. - attributed to Bob Pariseau, at the introduction of the Amiga
Wealth is the product of man's capacity to think. - Ayn Rand (1905-1982)
Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.
Weekends were made for programming. - Karl Lehenbauer
Welcome to The Machine.
Welcome to the Future! It's just starting now ...
Well, Darkness has a hunger that's insatiable, And Lightness has a call that's hard to hear. - Indigo Girls
Well, pluck me naked as a scalded chicken!
Well begun is half done.
Well done is better then well said.
Well done is well said. - Ben Franklin
Well I know where she come from but I don't know what's her name
Well that's the news from Lake Woebegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades could not improve; where all the women are tall, the men are good-looking, and the children are above average. - Garrison Keillor
Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin, but a grin without a cat!
Wer zuletzt lacht, lacht am besten.^(He who laughs last laughs best)
Were there fewer fools, knaves would starve. - Anonymous
Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he coulda had a V-8.
Westheimer's Time Estimation Rule: Estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by 2, add 3, and change the unit of measure to the next higher unit.
Whadda ya mean, "we"?
Whadda ya want for nothin'? Rubber biscuit?
Wharbat darbid yarbou sarbay?
What a friend we have in cheeses.
What a hell of a heaven it will be, when they get all these hypocrites assembled there! - Mark Twain
What can a pigeon do that a west Texas oil man can't do anymore?^^A pigeon can still make a deposit on a new Mercedes.
What comes by nature costs no money. - Anonymous
What costs little is valued less. - Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)^Don Quixote, 1605
What do you call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, magnanimity, forgiveness? Different results of the one master impulse: the necessity of securing one's self-approval. - Mark Twain^What is a Man?
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
What happens when you cut back the jungle? It recedes.
What I make on d' peanut I lose on d' damn banan'. - Italian fruit vendor in New York^to Theodore Roosevelt, c. 1890
What I ought to do, I can; if I can, why don't I?
What I want is Facts. Teach these boys and girls nothing but Facts. Facts alone are wanted in life. Plant nothing else, and root out everything else. - Charles Dickens^Hard Times, 1854
What is food to one, it to others bitter poison.
What is going on here!
What is Life? It's the cereal Mikey likes.
What is the use of lighting the lamp if there is no wick? - Malaysian Proverb
What is the use of running when we are not on the right road. - German proverb
What is vice today may be virtue tomorrow.
What is virtue today may be vice tomorrow.
What is worth doing is worth doing for money.
What is worth doing is worth overdoing.
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they think themselves cleverer than we are.
What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
What no spouse of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working when he's staring out the window.
What orators lack in depth they make up in length.
What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's transparency.
What recommends commerce to me is its enterprise and bravery. It does not clasp its hands and pray to Jupiter. - Henry David Thoreau
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
What sight is sadder than the sight of a lady we admire admiring a nauseating picture. - Logan Pearsall Smith, All Trivia, 1933
What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?
What soon grows old? Gratitude.
What the gods would destroy they first submit to an IEEE standards committee.
What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five cent bagel.
What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.
What this country needs is a good five cent nickel.
What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expect generally happens. - Bengamin Disraeli
What we are selling are hopes and dreams, not frozen peas. - Michel C. Bergerac (1932- )^Revlon
What we do not understand we do not possess. - Goethe
What we learn from history is that we do not learn from history.
What we love we shall grow to resemble. - Bernard of Clairvaux
What we want is a story that starts with an earthquake and works its way up to a climax. - Samuel Goldwyn
What you are, not what you have, is what makes you rich.
What you enjoy is much more important then what you have.
What you need is love potion #9.
What you see can depend on what you look for.
What you see is rarely what you get.
What's all this brouhaha?
What's done to children, they will do to society.
What's integrity to an opportunity? - William Congreve (1670-1729)^The Way of the World, 1700
What's so funny?
What's the definition of a good flame? One you agree with... - Karl Lehenbauer
What's the difference between a duck?
What's the use you learning to do right, when it's troublesome to do right and ain't no trouble to do wrong, and the wages is just the same? - Mark Twain^The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
What's worth doing is worth doing for money. - Joseph Donohue^In Dickson, The Official Rules, 1978
Whatever happened to the good old days when sex was dirty and the air was clean?
Whatever he is, the businessman is the product and pilot of the system under which most of us earn our livings. - Crawford H. Greenewalt (1902- )^Du Pont
Whatever is worth doing is worth doing well - Philip Dormer
Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.
Whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Cleveland.
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. - Goethe
Whatever you can lose, you should reckon of no account. - Publilius Syrus (First century B.C.)^Sententiae
Whatever you say about pornography, sex is here to stray.
Whatever you want to do, you have to do something else first.
When a hammer is the only tool, every problem looks like a nail.
When a man bets on 4 aces, it's called gambling. When he bets on a horse to show, it's called entertainment. When he bets on IBM to go up 2 points, it's called investing. - Blackie Sherrod
When a man says money can do anything, that settles it: he hasn't any. - Edgar Watson Howe (1853-1937)^Sinner Sermons, 1926
When a man's business does not fit him, 'tis as ofttimes with a shoe--if too big for the foot it will trip him, if too small, will chafe. - Horace (Epistles)
When a man's willing and eager, the gods join in. - Aeschylus
When a New Yorker looks as if he's suntan, it's probably rust. - Laurence J. Peter
When a woman marries again it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs. - Oscar Wilde
When all else fails, read the instructions.
When all is said and done more will be said then done.
When Baby's cries grew hard to bear^I popped him in the Frigidaire.^I never would have done so if^I'd known that he'd be frozen stiff.^My wife said: 'George, I'm so unhappe!^Our darling's now completely frappe!' - Harry Graham, 'L'Enfant Glace',^Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes, 1899
When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle. - Edmund Burke
When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
When elephants fight it is the grass that suffers. - Kikuyu proverb
When everybody's out to get you, paranoia is just good thinking.
When everything has been seen to work, all integrated, you have four more months of work to do. - C. Portman of ICL Ltd.
When faith & hope fail try charity--it's love in action.
When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to guarantee them.
When his questioner asked, "How about money-lending?" Cato replied: "How about murder?" - Cicero 1016-43 B.C.)^De Officiis, c. 45 B.C.
When I first knew Elvis he had a million dollars worth of talent. Now he has a million dollars. - Col. Tom Parker^Of Elvis Presley
When I first went into the active Army, you could tell someone to move a chair across the room -- now you have to tell him why. - Major Robert Lembke, quoted in Newsweek, 1979
When I grow up I want to be a little boy. - Joseph Heller, Something Happened, 1974
When I hear artists or authors making fun of businessmen I think of a regiment in which the band makes fun of the cooks. - Anonymous
When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at me. That's the price she has to pay. - Groucho Marx
When I left you, I was but the pupil. Now, I am the master. - Darth Vader
When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
When I sell liquor, its called bootlegging; when my patrons serve it on Lake Shore Drive, its called hospitality. - Al Capone
When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you. - Unknown
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become president; I'm beginning to believe it. - Clarence Darrow
When I'm good, I'm very good; but when I'm bad, I'm better.
When in doubt, follow your heart.
When in doubt, lead trump.
When in doubt, leave out the adjective.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate. When in charge, ponder. - Senator. David Boren
When in doubt, take all the defaults.
When in doubt, use brute force. - Ken Thompson, Bell Labs
When in doubt, mumble.
When inlaws are outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.
When it is incorrect, it is, at least *authoritatively* incorrect. - Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy
When it rains, it pours.
When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
When money is not a servant it is a master. - Italian proverb
When money speaks the truth is silent. - Russian proverb
When money talks there are few interruptions.
When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results. - Calvin Coolidge
When nothing can possibly go wrong, it will.
When one doesn't know how to dance, he says the ground is wet. - Malaysian Proverb
When people are least sure, they are often most dogmatic. - J. K. Galbraith, The Great Crash, 1929, 1955
When people share their fears with you, share your courage back.
When people share their fears with you, share some courage.
When skinning your customers, you should leave some skin on to grow so that you can skin them again. - Nikita Sergeyevich Krushchev (1894-1971)^To British businessmen, 1961
When talking nonsense try not to be serious.
When taxes are due, Americans tend to feel quite bled-white and blue.
When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.
When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. - Hunter S. Thompson
When the government bureau's remedies do not match your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.
When the military man approaches, the world locks up its spoons and packs off its womankind. - George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman, 1903
When the plane you're on is late, the plane you need to transfer to is on time.
When the sun shineth, make hay.
When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to it.
When things are going well, something will go wrong.
When we make a mistake - it's evil.^When God makes a mistake - it's nature. - Darrel van Horn
When we want money, we want all. - Thomas Draxe (?-1618)^Bibliotheca scholastica instructissima, 1633
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?
When working a problem, it helps to know the answer.
When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
When you ain't got nothin', you got nothin' to lose.
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
When you are used to never being alone, you may consider yourself Americanized.
When you become used to never being alone, you may consider yourself Americanized.
When you dig another out of trouble, you've got a place to bury your own.
When you don't have any money, the problem is food. When you have money, it's sex. When you have both, it's health. If everything is simply jake, then you're frightened of death. - J. P. Donleavy, The Ginger Man, 1955
When you finally discover all of Life's answers, they'll change the questions.
When you frame a sentence don't do it as if you were loading a shotgun but as if you were loading a rifle. Don't fire in such a way and with such a load that you will hit a lot of things in the neighborhood besides, but shoot with a single bullet and hit that one thing alone. - Joseph Ruggles Wilson (1867-1903^Quoted in Dos Passos, Mr. Wilson's War, 1962
When you get what you want you don't want it as much.
When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.
When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.^(from The Sign of Four, 1890) - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite. - Winston Churchill^The Grand Alliance, 1950
When you kill time you murder success.
When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
When you mention something, if it's bad, it happens, if it's good, it goes away
When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad things you did do -- that's Memoirs. - Will Rogers
When you save for a long time to buy something, then you find that you can't afford it -- that's inflation.
When you send a fool to market' the merchants rejoice. - Anonymous
When you stay on the tracks, ignoring the facts, you can't blame the wreck on the train. - from the song, "You Can't Blame . . "
When you try to make an impression, the chances are that is the impression you will make.
When you wake up in the morning and nothing hurts you can be sure your dead.
When you're at the end of your rope...tie a knot and hold on.
When you're in command, command.
When you're up to your hips in alligators, you forget the original project was to drain the swamp.
When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
Whenever a rock falls, it is good to go forward and meet it. That's the adventure. - Henry Miller
Whenever he thought about Vietnam, he felt terrible. And so at last he came to a fateful decision. He decided not to think about it. - Anon.
Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
Whenever people agree with me, I always think I must be wrong. - Oscar Wilde
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Where are we?
Where does the bread come in? [What profit is there in this for me?] - Aristophanes (c. 450-385 B.C.)^Clouds, 423 B.C.
Where in the world does the guy who has everything put it?
Where no man has gone before - on the wall of the women's restroom on the Enterprise
Where profit is, loss is hidden nearby. - Japanese proverb
Where technology becomes emotion. - Campagnolo
Where the drink goes in, there the wit goes out. - George Herbert^Jacula Prudentum
Where the hell is /usr/hippo?
Where the hell is Omak?
Where the hell is Wall Drug?
Where the system is concerned, you're not allowed to ask "Why?".
Where there is sugar, there are ants. - Malaysian Proverb
Where there's a whip there's a way.
Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.
Where's the beef?
Where's the party?!
Wherever you go...There you are. - Buckaroo Banzai
Which is not a complete sentence, but merely a subordinate clause.
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
While there is currently an increasing trend towards strict adherence to principles of public morality, the board's special counsel informed the stockholders, it cannot yet be said that it must always override all other considerations. - Anonymous^Fruehauf
While there's life, there's hope.
Whistler's mother is off her rocker.
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
Who are you?
Who buys has need of two eyes But one's enough to sell the stuff. - Anonymous
Who cares anyway?
Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.
Who ever has the gold, makes the rules. - Golden Rule of Business
Who goeth a--borrowing goeth a--sorrowing.
Who is John Galt?
Who is W. O. Baker, and why is he saying those terrible things about me?
Who needs companionship when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
Who needs dignity when you can be in the show business? - Garrison Keillor
Who needs friends, when you can sit alone in your room and drink.
Who needs information,^when you're livin' underground? - Roger Waters, Radio KAOS
Who reformatted the root disk?
Who to himself is law no law doth need, offends no law, and is a king indeed.
Who was Bruce Clarke?
Who was Dan Walsh?
Who was Dave Cardinal?
Who was Evan Adams?
Who was Frank Suchomel?
Who was Jim Voll?
Who was Karl Danz?
Who was Lorrie Duval?
Who was Mark Linton?
Who was Steve Saperstein?
Who was Tom Lyon?
Who would cross the Bridge of Death Must answer me these questions three! Ere the other side he see!: What is your name? What is your quest? What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? - Monty Python
Who's on first?
Who's scruffy looking?
Who? Me, Officer? - J. Dillinger (from R. Asprin's Myth series)
Whodunit readers are just Spillaine folks.
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx
Whoever rows the boat doesn't have time to rock it.
Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive insane.
Whom the gods would destroy, they first teach BASIC.
Whoops, I formatted the root disk.
Whoops, stepped on a frog.
Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein. - Book of Proverbs
Why, that's the most unheard-of thing I've ever heard of. - Joseph Mc Carthy
Why are creditor's memories better then debtors?
Why are the words "This is none of my business" always followed by the word "but"? - Sydney J. Harris
Why are there no black M&M's?
Why are there no blue M&M's?
Why are there no day-glo M&M's?
Why are there no fuchisa M&M's?
Why are there no grey M&M's?
Why are there no lavender M&M's?
Why are there no mauve M&M's?
Why are there no pink M&M's?
Why are there no polka dot M&M's?
Why are there no purple M&M's?
Why are there no red M&M's?
Why are there no tan M&M's?
Why are there no white M&M's?
Why are today's rough times always tomorrow's good old days?
Why can't life's big problems come when we are twenty and know everything?
Why did the Roman Empire collapse? What's the Latin for office automation?
Why do expenses always rise to meet income?
Why do so many foods come packaged in plastic? It's quite uncanny.
Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway? - Stephen Wright
Why do we study poverty instead of wealth?
Why do you always find something in the last place you look?
Why do you have so much quickness of movement if not to avoid responsibility?
Why do you think they call it "find"?
Why does bread always fall butter side down?
Why does love got to be so sad?
Why does the other line always move faster?
Why don't the Japanese live in the mountains? Certainly, they could; apparently they just don't want to. - elturner@phoenix.Princeton.EDU
Why is the form of money round? Because it is to run from every man. -Anonymous^A Helpe to Discourse, 1619
Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?
Why should people go out and pay money to see bad films when they can stay at home and see bad television for nothing? - Samuel Goldwyn (1882-1974)^Quoted in the Observer, 9 September 1956
Why won't sharks eat lawyers? Professional courtesy.
Will had a fortune the other day, but he forgot it.
Win or lose, you lose.
Win without boasting and lose without excuse.
Winners never quit and quitters never win.
Winning isn't everything, but then losing is nothing.
Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
Wisdom is knowing what to do next.
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
Wise man see more from bottom of well than fool from mountain top.
Wise man see more from mountain top than fool from bottom of well.
Wise men change their minds, fools never.
Wish and hope succeed in discerning signs of paranormality where reason and careful scientific procedure fail. - James E. Alcock, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. 12
Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.
Wit has truth in it. Wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
With an evening coat and a white tie, anybody, even a stockbroker, can gain a reputation for being civilized. - Oscar Wilde
With an evening coat and a white tie, anybody, even a stockbroker, can gain a reputation for being civilized. - Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891
With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.
With money one may command devils; without it, one cannot even summon a man. - Chinese proverb
Without coffee he could not work, or at least he could not have worked in the way he did. In addition to paper and pens, he took with him everywhere as an indispensable article of equipment the coffee machine, which was no less important to him than his table or his white robe. - Stefan Zweigs, Biography of Balzac
Without tools there would be no wisdom.
Women's Libbers are OK, I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.
Words are only painted fire, a look is the fire itself. - Mark Twain^A Connecticut Yankee^in King Arthur's Court
Words are the voice of the heart.
Words are women, deeds are men. - George Herbert^Jacula Prudentum
Words have a longer life than deeds.
Words must be weighed, not counted.
Words that do not match deeds are not important. - Dr. Ernesto Che Guevara
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do... Play consists of whatever is not obliged to do. - Mark Twain^The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
Work fascinates me, I could sit and watch it for hours.
Work is work if you're paid to do it, and it's pleasure if you pay to be allowed to do it. - Finley Peter Dunne
Work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.
Work was impossible. The geeks had broken my spirit. They had done too many things wrong... It was all a dehumanized nightmare...and these raddled cretins have the gall to complain about my deadlines. - Hunter Thompson,^"Bad Nerves in Fat City",^"Generation of Swine"
Working for Warner Bros. is like fucking a porcupine: it's a hundred pricks against one. - Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)^In Niven, Bring on the Empty Horses, 1975
Worst Month of the Year: February.^^February has only 28 days in it, which means that if you rent an apartment, you are paying for three full days you don't get.^^Try to avoid Februarys whenever possible.
Worth seeing? Yes, but not worth going to see.
Would it help if I got out and pushed?
Would the last person to leave Michigan please turn out the lights?
Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?
Wouldn't it be nice if desperation made us attractive. - Albert Brooks in Broadcast News
Wow! I could've had a V/8!
Wrinkles are sure signs of where smiles have been.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. - Mark Twain^Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar
Write all adverbial forms correct.
Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
Xerox...all they ever do is copy.
Y B ordinary.
Yeast is yeast and nest is nest and never the mane shall tweet.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. - Francis P. Church
Yes, many primitive people still believe this myth...But in today's technical vastness of the future, we can guess that surely things were much different. - The Firesign Theater
Yesterday is a memory. Tomorrow is a vision. Today is a bitch.
Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again.
You ain't learning nothing when you're talking.
You always find something in the last place you look, unless it's not there.
You are a bundle of energy always on the go.
You are a singer who has to take any note above A with your eyebrows.
You are a very redundant person; that's what kind of person you are, redundant.
You are always busy.
You are an insult to my intelligence! I demand that you log off immediately.
You are being paged.
You are being swapped.
You are being watched. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
You are capable of planning your future.
You are confident of things you know nothing about.
You are confused; but this is your normal state.
You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances.
You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend.
You are fair--minded, just and loving.
You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
You are fast approaching your level of incompetence.
You are going to have a new love affair.
You are going to have a new love affair.
You are in a maze of little twisting passages, all different.
You are in a maze of twisty little programs, all alike.
You are in a maze of UUCP connections, all alike.
You are in a twisting maze of little passages, all different.
You are lustworthy.
You are magnetic in your bearing.
You are not thinking. You are merely being logical. - Neils Bohr to Einstein^during a debate on Quantum Mechanics
You are rotten to the core, Snidely Whiplash, rotten, rotten, rotten! Oh, how did I ever get started typing ladies to railroad tracks? If only I could stop . . . but I can't stop . . . I've got this thing! - Snidley Whiplash
You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward.
You are secretive in your dealings but never to the extent of trickery.
You are so narrow-minded you can see through a keyhole with two eyes.
You are standing on my toes.
You are sunlight and I, moon^Joined by the gods of fortune^Midnight and high noon^ Sharing the sky^We have been blessed, you and I^ - MISS SAIGON
You are taking advantage of the good nature of a friend. Be careful.
You are taking yourself too seriously.
You are too narrow-minded if you can see through a keyhole with both eyes.
You are tricky, but never to the point of dishonesty.
You are truly a rhinestone in the rough.
You are ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
You are unscrupulously dishonest, false, and deceitful.
You are what you eat, so Euelle Gibbons was a nut.
You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.
You auto buy now.
You can always find what you are not looking for.
You can always tell luck from ability by its duration.
You can be replaced by a machine that flushes.
You can be replaced by this computer.
You can cage a swallow, can't you, but you can't swallow a cage, can you?
You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word. - Al Capone
You can find in a text whatever you bring, if you will stand between it and the mirror of your imagination. You may not see your ears, but they are there. - Mark Twain^"A Fable"
You can fool some of the people all of the time,^and all of the people some of the time,^but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.
You can fool too many of the people too much of the time. - James Thurber (1894-1961)^Fables for Our Time, 1940
You can go wrong by being too skeptical as readily as by being too trusting.
You can lead a horse to water, and if he walks on it patent him.
You can lead a horticulture, but you cannot make her think.
You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on the continuing viability of FORTRAN. - Alan Perlis
You can never get rid of a bad temper by losing it.
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.
You can never trust a woman; she may be true to you.
You can observe a lot just by watching. - Yogi Berra
You can send someone to college, but you can't make him think.
You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements. - Norman Douglas (1868-1952)^South Wind, 1917
You can't antagonize and influence at the same time.
You can't change the laws of physics, Captain; I've got to have thirty minutes.
You can't cheat the phone company.
You can't even cut the cheese.
You can't fool me--there ain't no sanity clause.
You can't get snot off of a suede jacket. - Lenny Bruce
You can't get there from here.
You can't get to Heaven on roller skates.
You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME.
You can't have everything... where would you put it? - Steven Wright
You can't have money like that and not swell out. - H. G. Wells (1866-1946)^Kipps, 1905
You can't kiss a girl unexpectedly--only sooner than she thought you would.
You can't make a life over -- society wouldn't let you if you would. - Mark Twain^The Gilded Age
You can't out stubborn a cat. - Lazarus Long
You can't pray a lie. - Mark Twain^The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
You can't underestimate the power of fear. - Tricia Nixon
You can't win, you can't break even, and you can't even quit the game. (Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win, Socialism, that you can break even, and Mysticism, that you can quit the game.) - Ginsberg/Freeman
You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
You cannot see farther than others by standing on the feet of giants.
You cannot see the wood for the trees.
You cannot succeed by criticizing others.
You cannot use your friends and have them too.
You couldn't get me on Mars if it were the last place on earth. - Erma Cohen
You dialed 5483.
You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.
You do not have mail.
You do well in speculation where land or anything to do with earth is involved.
You don't give a damn about apathy.
You don't know what you want, and are willing to go through hell to get it.
You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina.
You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
You don't usually see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.
You dream of things that aren't and ask "why not?".
You enjoy the company of other people.
You feel a whole lot more like you do now than you did when you used to.
You fill a much--needed gap.
You get the most of what you need the least.
You get what you pay for.
You hate mail.
You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
You have a frog in your pocket?
You have a massage. (From the Swedish prime minister.)
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.
You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first.
You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
You have a truly strong individuality.
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
You have an important role as a negative example.
You have an unusual equipment for success. Be sure to use it properly.
You have been selected for a secret mission.
You have fallen so far behind, there is no reason to log in.
You have had a long--term stimulation relative to business.
You have hate mail.
You have junk mail.
You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop.
You have mail.
You have many friends and very few living enemies.
You have no real enemies.
You have not converted a man because you have silenced him. - John, Viscount Morley
You have only a very small head and must live within it.
You have only three real friends: Jesus Christ, Sears Roebuck, and Gene Talmadge. - Eugene Talmadge (1913- )^US Senate^To the voters of Georgia
You have played enough; you have eaten and drunk enough. Now it is time for you to depart. - Horace^Epistles
You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You will learn a lot today.
You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
You have to learn to live with what you can't rise above. - Bruce Springstein
You have to run between the raindrops if you want to see the sun... - Pat Benatar
You haven't a single redeeming vice.
You humans are all alike.
You just put on your coat and hat,^And walk yourself to the laundromat.^And when you finish doing that,^Bring in the dog and put out the cat.^Yakety-yak. Don't talk back! - Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller, 'Yakety^Yak', song for The Coasters, 1958
You killed Ted, you medieval dick-weed! - Bill
You knew this job was dangerous when you took it! - Super Chicken
You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid? Well, MINE are even WORSE! - Calvin
You know how to win a victory, Hannibal, but not how to use it.
You know that feeling when you're leaning back on a stool and it starts to tip over? Well, that's how I feel all the time. - Steven Wright
You know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
You live and you learn -- or you don't live long.
You live in a deranged age, more deranged that usual, because in spite of great scientific and technological advances, man has not the faintest idea of who he is or what he is doing. - Walker Percy
You look marvelous.
You look rather rash my dear your colors don't quite match your face. - Daisy Ashford, The Young Visiters, 1919
You look tired.
You love peace.
You love your home and want it to be beautiful.
You may already be a wiener!
You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer!
You may be recognized soon. Hide.
You may call me by my name, Wirth, or by my value, Worth. - Nicklaus Wirth
You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile.
You may now log in to life. Password:
You mean I can put stuff past column 72? WOW! UNIX is great!
You mean I can send mail to myself?
You mean you can't take less, it's very easy to take more than nothing.
You might have mail.
You must ask much to get a little. - Anonymous
You must find the ideas that have some promise in them... It is not enough to just have ideas. - George E. Woodberry
You must sell, as Markets go. - Thomas Fuller (1654-1734)^Gnomologia, 1732
You must spend money, if you wish to make money. - Plautus(254-184 B.C.)^Asinaria, c. 200 B.C.
You need not worry about your future.
You need tender loving care once a week - so that I can slap you into shape. - Ellyn Mustard
You never "find" time, but you can always "make" it.
You never find an article until you replace it.
You never have mail.
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
You never lost money by taking a profit. - American saying
You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony. - John Barrymore
You now have Asian Flu.
You ought to take the bull between the teeth. - Attributed to Samuel Goldwyn
You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution.
You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own.
You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite.
You roll my log, and I will roll yours.
You say that now, but try chewing a child the next time you're car sick.
You say things with your eyes that others waste time putting into words.
You see but you do not observe. - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, in "The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes"
You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.
You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.
You should avoid hedging, at least that's what I think.
You should go home.
You should hardly ever equivocate.
You should use contraceptives at every conceivable occasion.
You shouldn't touch a pig unless it hasn't been in the mud.
You still need the last file you removed.
You tread upon my patience.
You used to be indecisive. Now you're not sure.
You want a fortune? I'll give you a fortune. "Blech!"
You were pumping iron as I was pumping irony. - Robert Plant, Now And Zen
You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four--year--old.
You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.
You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.
You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone.
You will be awarded some great honor.
You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize--posthumously.
You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble.
You will be given a post of trust and responsibility.
You will be held hostage by a radical group.
You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy cause.
You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery.
You will be invited to dine with many important people. Once.
You will be married within a year.
You will be misunderstood by everyone.
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
You will be squirrely today.
You will be successful in love.
You will be successful in your work.
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
You will be surrounded by luxury.
You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler.
You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
You will be told about it tomorrow.^^Go home and prepare thyself.
You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.
You will be where you most desire to be in a short while.
You will be winged by an anti--aircraft battery.
You will become rich and famous unless you don't.
You will die of terminal acne.
You will engage in a profitable business activity.
You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
You will find what is not lost and enter where there are no doors.
You will forget that you ever knew me.
You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.
You will gain money by an illegal or immoral action.
You will give someone a piece of your mind, which you can ill afford.
You will have a flat tire before the end of the month.
You will have a head crash on your private pack.
You will have a long and boring life.
You will have a long and healthy life.
You will have a long and unpleasant discussion with your supervisor.
You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.
You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
You will have long and healthy life.
You will have many recoverable tape errors.
You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.
You will inherit millions of dollars.
You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
You will know happy motorcyclist by the bug stains on his teeth.
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
You will live by the side of the road and help some pilgrim along life's way.
You will live to see your grandchildren.
You will lose an important file.
You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.
You will never be younger then you are today... and vise versa.
You will never know hunger.
You will not be elected to public office this year.
You will outgrow your usefulness.
You will outlive those who seek to destroy you.
You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.
You will pass away very quickly.
You will pioneer the first Martian colony.
You will probably marry after a very brief courtship.
You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
You will receive a legacy that will place you above want.
You will remember something that you should not have forgotten.
You will see the light at the end of the tunnel; unfortunately, it will be the light of an oncoming freight train.
You will soon forget this.
You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life.
You will soon meet a stranger who will become your friend.
You will soon meet a strangler who will become your fiend.
You will soon meet a tall dark handsome stranger.
You will spend the rest of your life in the future.
You will step on the night soil of many countries.
You will survive the conflagration.
You will triumph over your enemy.
You will visit the Dung Pits of Glive soon.
You will win success in whatever calling you adopt.
You will wish you hadn't.
You worry too much about your job. Stop it.^^You are not paid enough to worry.
You would if you could but you can't so you won't.
You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people.
You'll be called to a post requiring high ability in handling groups of people.
You'll be sorry.
You'll never get dizzy doing a good turn.
You're a card which will have to be dealt with.
You're all clear now, kid. Now blow this thing so we can all go home.
You're all over it, like a cheap suit.
You're at Witt's End.
You're being logical, Albert, but you're not thinking. - Neils Bohr to^Albert Einstein
You're DIS-PICABLE! - Daffy Duck
You're fooling yourself. - Styx, The Grand Illusion
You're my hero!
You're not drunk as long as you can hold onto the floor.
You're old when you forget how to start your rocking chair.
You're peddling your fish in the wrong market. - Dashiell Hammett (1894-1961)^The Thin Man, 1934
You're traveling through another dimension. . . a dimension of sound, and of mind. Next stop -- the Twilight Zone. - Rod Serling
You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
Young men, hear an old man to whom old men hearkened when he was young.
Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools.
Your aim is high and to the right.
Your aims are high, and you are incapable of much.
Your analyst has you confused with another patient.
Your boss is thinking about you.
Your business will assume vast proportions.
Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.
Your code should be more efficient!
Your computer account is overdrawn. Please re-authorize.
Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways.
Your development gets rotten if you take too long to market it. - Hitoshi Aoike, JVC Ltd., Tokyo
Your disk will self--destruct in 5 seconds.
Your domestic life may be harmonious.
Your education begins where what is called your education is over.
Your empty file directory has been deleted.
Your enemies are closing in.
Your good nature will bring unbounded happiness.
Your good nature will bring you unbounded happiness.
Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.
Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
Your karma just ran over my dogma.
Your kindness and generosity cause envy in a powerful person nearby.
Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try. - Fran Lebowitz, Metropolitan Life, 1979
Your logic was impeccable, Captain. We are in grave danger.
Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
Your love life will be interesting.
Your lover will never wish to leave you.
Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true.
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon.
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments.
Your mode of life will be changed to 0644.
Your mode of life will be changed to ASCII.
Your mode of life will be changed to EBCDIC.
Your most useful program will be continually improved until it is useless.
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
Your motivation is your pay packet on Friday. Now get on with it. - Noel Coward, to an actor (Attrib.)
Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it.
Your own mileage may vary.
Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.
Your present plans will be successful.
Your program is sick! Shoot it and put it out of its memory.
Your project will be late.
Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner.
Your resume will be used on the "Tonight Show" monologue.
Your salary will be increased.
Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement.
Your step will soil many countries.
Your supervisor is thinking about you.
Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner.
Your winning smile is your greatest asset.
Your work is very poor, but at least it's slow.
Your Zip file is open.
Youth had been a habit of hers so long that she could not part with it.
Youth is not a time of life, it's a state of mind.
Youth is wasted on the young. - George Bernard Shaw
Youth isn't a time of life but a state of mind.
Yowza, yowza, yowza. - Frank Zappa
Zeus gave Leda the bird.
Zimmerman's Law of Complaints:^^Nobody notices when things go right.
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house. - Henny Youngman
